Freestyle Rap Feedback Please! (Strong Language)

[Reaper]

f*ck it this time im not makin a little snippit

Nah im gonna grab this problem by the ass and nip it

Cant f*ck with this script, nah you aint able to flip it

Im gonna take your best punchline and whip it!

Yeam still young so im still learnin

Start spittin and your stomach starts turnin

Flow so fluid i got birds f*ckin chirpin

Once he starts he cant stop so ya better close the curtain

He's crazy as f*ck

He never gets stuck

Got a hockey stick so you better believe he gots the puck

Yeah go ahead and say its luck

Yeah boy he likes to tuck

So you might wanna learn how to dodge,sway,and duck

Yeah better learn how to sway

Cuz no one heres gonna save your life, nah i dont see the fray

This time imma make sure i secure a spot

Lets f*ck with the little white boy nah you better not

Lyrics so hot they smokin why you smokin pot

You may have lost but atleast you tried

Wait, no you didnt little bitch you cried

Wow mothaf*cka cant believe you lied

Im just glad that youre not ridin by my side

Yeah boy i'll stretch yo lyrics out so wide

[bronzerebel]

I really liked what you did here man. The only thing I could say is try to have more deep metaphorical shit. But this is a freestyle so whatever

Edited January 17, 2014 by bronzerebel

[Tekneek]

dope man. like the flow if like to hear it over a beat. maybe a little more meaningful rhymes but this is just a freestyle so I get it your just messin around showcasing the lyricism