Challenge 27 Nothing Can Harm Us They Cry

[goldylocks]

My dark lyric of horror!  Watch these real groups of insane cults for yourself here!.

 

http://youtu.be/raZh1EO9h6c

 

Nothing Can Harm Us They Cry

 

Verse:

 

Hands lift up in worship

Screaming to the sky

Green slit eyes glow

Shaking tails hypnotize

 

 

Verse:

 

Blazing orange fire

Is held with finger tips

Deadly reptiles sway

Over dancing hips

 

Chorus

 

Nothing can harm us they cry

Holding writhing rattle snakes high

Waving them in everyone's sight

Locked in a frenzy into the night

 

Nothing can harm us they cry

Believing the enemy's lie

Venomous serpents will not bite

If we're all walking in the light.

 

Verses

 

Foolish people will live

Others fall down dead

Poison drips from fangs

Of angry, striking heads

 

Verse::

 

Paramedics arrive

Bit bodies lay in pain

Forsaking Jesus Christ

It starts all over again

 

Chorus:

 

Nothing can harm us they cry

Holding writhing rattle snakes high

Waving them in everyone's sight

Locked in a frenzy into the night

 

Nothing can harm us they cry

Believing the enemy's lie

Venomous serpents will not bite

If we're all walking in the light.

 

 

 

Goldy

 

Edited March 2, 2014 by goldylocks

[jamestoffee]

Hi Goldy,

 

Nice work.   Interesting topic.

 

Suggestions: 

 

Consider revising where the POV shifts around and also balancing the end rhyme patterns.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

James

[goldylocks]

James, thank for commenting, but I don't understand where the POV shifts, I wrote it as a group. Used we us and them, so where is it shifting? Appreciate you showing me.

 

 

 

Goldy    

Edited February 25, 2014 by goldylocks

[jamestoffee]

Hi Goldy

 

You are right....My mistake

 

I was thinking the verses were 3rd person and the chorus 1st person, but .......

 

It's all 3rd person....only one line sticks out "If we're all walking in the light."....but that can fit under the implication of "they say/they cry"

 

Sorry about that confusion.

 

-James
 

[Vagdavercustis]

That video is just bizar! There are strange people living on this planet
I love the the way your lyric flows... While reading it I could picture it all in my mind.
You have a good way with words

Keep up the good work!

[goldylocks]

Thanks Vagda, I wanted to write something  entirely different. So I chose Snake worshiping as my dark lyrics. 

 

 

Goldy    

[goldylocks]

Les, can you believe these people are for real! What kind of sorcery, has messed up their minds! They got the women doing it too!

 

Thanks for commenting. Look forward to coming back!

 

 

Goldy    

[goldylocks]

Good to have you back Les, looking forward to reading your lyrics. I wonder what happened to Kel, and Rudy, they haven't been on the board for quite a while. At least in the Challenges.

 

 

Goldy