Candleburn

[tracyl]

Damn, she got me there again
Mixed feelings: betrayal ends with pain
I couldn't tell it wasn't real
Fell for the same stupid deal
Now tell me how can I heal
Soul mates staring to lose appeal
Do we continue? 
Do I keep going knowing you won't tell me the truth?
When we were together I only heard I love you backs
And now I'm pouring my soul on the track
Who's gonna hear this? Besides you I mean
What will they think of me then
That I'm soft crying over you
That I'm often thinking that we're through
"But they don't get it
You're like a magnet
You pull me back
You know my darkest secrets 
You're all my heart desires
But still you drowned all our fires
You drowned all our fires"
You leaving again, shoulda known
After all these times you'd think I grown
After all these times you'd think I'd learn
f*ck that, I'll let the candle burn

 

on Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night
for someone
she lets herself go
like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong 
take me over when I'm gone 
will they burn for me

 

 

She told me she missed me
Proceeded to kiss me
Right after, she dissed me
And I hate it
She pull and push me like a door
I'm without handles
She's without control
I'll lose this battle
If I don't go
I'm no evil
She's no angel
We're both lethal
Clothed in diamond
Loves her weapon
She pulls me back in
Back to Vineland
Where we first met
Didn't call it love yet
But now it's so set
My friends said stop man
She's danger
My friend's a cop man
He'll change ya
But here I am at a dinner for two
Outside waiting for you
I guess I'm still acting like a fool
Cause you haven't even come too
Watching the cars pass at every turn
f*ck that, I'll let the candles burn

 

on Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night
for someone
she lets herself go
like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes

take me over when I'm gone
take me over make me strong 
take me over when I'm gone 
will they burn for me

 

 

He left the place where he'd meet her
Walked back on Vineland street
Fresh air makes the heart feel better
The scent of roses is so sweet
Only out there he didn't find peace
Only the car of his missing queen
She was shot on the way there
Louis Vuitton, she's soaked in blood she wear
The boy miss her and now wish they would talk
Now he's always at the shrine on the sidewalk
Right there he placed on top of her urn
A candle and he's gon' let it burn
 

[SoulHuntah]

Not bad, not bad at all. I definitely like the whole idea and themes in this song. Feelings of betrayal and being deceived by a woman. Being hurt by love - it all feels quite emotional and deep. Only the ending came as a real surprise to me. I really thought this song was about a guy being ditched by a girl. Really didn't expect that she'd gotten shot it almost felt a bit too dramatic. Still good lyrics and I really like some vibes I got from this song. 

 

Anyway here are some typos you made or some things I'd write differently so it sounds better:

 

On line 6 did you really mean "staring" cause "starting" fits a lot better, was that a typo?

 

A small thing but  "After all these times you'd think I grown" I'd write as  "After all these times you'd think I'd grown"

 

Then  "She pull and push me like a door" grammatically correct would be  "She pulls and pushes me like a door". But if you wanted the song to sound more smooth or the line to be shorter then I guess using "pull" and "push" isn't such a big deal.

 

Then "Loves her weapon" I would write as "Love is her weapon" or at least "Love's her weapon" to make the message more clear.

 

"Louis Vuitton, she's soaked in blood she wear" - grammatically correct would be "wore" instead of "wear", if I understood the song correctly. Might have to change the rhyming there.

 

"The boy miss her and now wish they would talk" - I would write as "The boy misses her and now wishes they would talk", it's grammatically correct and actually sounds a lot better in my opinion. 

 

All in all these were some nice lyrics and I really enjoyed rapping them out loud. Good job!

 

Soul

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tracyl]

Hello SoulHuntah, thanks very much for the analysis. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You were right in that I did some typos(well a lot lol) I was rushing in writing it, I posted this right after I wrote it in an hour. I'll fix those. The last verse was a switch of tone because it's only then I actually realized the meaning of the chorus/hook (which wasn't mine), so I wanted the listener/ reader to realize it too at that time, so that on second and third listen, the hook just keeps haunting the inevitable ending. It's a song meant to be heard multiple times. You can check the beat I wrote it to on here: 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjIgYezwNnKAhXFlYMKHeXnDMMQtwIIPzAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D0mecEITOiTw&usg=AFQjCNECsaT37_0cvSghM9Sf1dwSQOsNaw&sig2=jn781jrEHnW6yVmWURcJeQ

[SoulHuntah]

I gave the beat a listen and yeah I get what you mean now. And yeah the sudden change of tone makes sense too now if you also only realized the meaning of the hook then. 

 

Not much else to say here. You did good! Keep on writing and you'll improve yourself further  ^ ^

 

Soul