you f*cked it (warning)

[RikGrimesIsDead]

my effort of a rap/hip-hop track......rate and feedback welcome guys

 

 

Snowflakes hitting my face

Icy winds fallen grace

Jingle bells,everyone happy

Rest my head near a dirty nappy

Used needles,empty bags of coke

No jingle bells this year 

My life’s a joke

 

See i messed up,one mistake

that one mistake brought all the hate

to my door,piling up to the third floor

no questions just hate 

no sympathy just people looking irate

see you don’t know

this is my life it aint a show

 

Now don’t get me wrong i aint saying its fine

i am no angel but lets draw the line

when I’m getting abuse in the street

its not fair and we need to meet

to sort shit

cause I’m not taking it 

time to stand up and make shit greater

get away from the little boy hater

 

Im better than you

i aint lying you know its true

your a joker,pathetic no hoper

and ill take you to school on this mic

ill say some shit you will not like 

but its coming….

words that will make you go running

cause your a fake

low life liar,a dirty snake

 

Im angry you think shit

and dont even say shit

go run and text shit

hide behind your self shit

and now im done with it

and this aint me you did it

being a sneak

lying to my face week after week

 

 

ill be the one laughing when im sorted and happy

and youll be lonely and feeling crappy

caused you f*cked it all up

and when i see you in the street there wont be a... what’s up

and i wont even care

for all i know its a stranger there

 

you f*cked this

now don’t go running your mouth to chris

cause he tells me

every little f*cking thing you got to say about me

so just go just go anywhere i dont know

but just be gone

or there will be a spot in the cemetary

room for one

 

WRITTEN BY DAVID SMITH

Edited November 26, 2016 by RikGrimesIsDead

[sdfdsgrderws]

Dude! I love this the flow is really good. The only thing I would consider is using perhaps a few punchlines in it? 

Apart from that sick job  

[RikGrimesIsDead]

AHHH THANKS!! 

[I wanna scream]

Have to say has some pretty catchy licks. Needs cleaned up a bit and fit, till it's slick as shit.

[RikGrimesIsDead]

cheerrs!!!!!!!AHHH THANKS!! 

[Force]

One comment: Your rhymes are pretty good, so why are you only sticking with them for 2 bars apiece?

[Peggy]

Hi 

Like it.  It moved pretty good but did hang or have to slide in a couple of places where the count didn't quit work. 

- good rhyming but not always consistent. 

 

Bit of work and you have it.

 

Peggy

 

[Quintin]

[RikGrimesIsDead]

my man