I Used To Be A Much Nicer Bloke

[merciful evans]

by evans: i used to be a much nicer bloke

a monday. the summer of 2006

dear diary,

i used to be a much nicer bloke

why aren’t i now?

i used to oppose hanging, i knew it to be deeply wrong

but it’s funny how you miss things once they’re gone

i fear for the sake and safety of my old ma

i think compassion has now been stretched too far

mines busted now, & im encrusted with worry & fear

its safer just to top them when they live so near

we used to send killers and thieves

across the ocean

to the antipodes

and that wasn’t a bad notion

after a spell their kids turned out quite well

now we see kylie singing on our telly

and forgot all about old rougues like ned kelly

so until we find another australia

lets come to terms with social failure

meanwhile execution would be expedient

maybe even for me tomorrow,

should i become too inconvenient

i don’t like being like this

but what can you do?

unto your own selfish self be true

i cant pretend to be what i was

before,

beyond,

perhaps,

because…

little horrors grow

they sprout from head above

and they sprout too from the loins below

i tried to watch my youngster grow up

but he moved too fast & i kept getting distracted

work, poems, biros, cheques, giro’s

ma singing ‘the old bazaar in cairo’

songs, sugar tongs, voters, motors,

ian dury’s polio and jose antonio

there’s distractions for you

my infractions are due to circumstances

that are almost beyond my reach

but really within it truth be told

i make excuses for the missed chances

and this enhances the unidentified tissue of lies i tell myself

i tried to watch my nipper grow up

but he wouldn’t stay still long enough and i had the wife bending both ears at the time

i used to be a much nicer bloke

but i was exploited because of this

by nearly everybody in bexley heath

except sally hyde and the pragnall brothers

the postman, mrs. mead, and maybe one or two others

the eroding years have left me disillusioned

my worst fears led me into collusion

with all them that beat my brow

with all them that i disavowed

i used to be a much nicer person

and the only way i could have sustained it

would be to climb outta this ditch & become rich

and live in weybridge alongside cliff richard & charlie drake

i could then radiate charm & grace

with a big high wall & no worries at all

away from the shit and away from the squalor

the red lit streets and the grimy blue collars

isolated from vandals, travellers, lager louts, ticket touts, slappers, rappers

and all the rest that invest in social corruption, vice and ructions

i would rather be a nicer bloke, but i just can’t afford it

if there was another option, id be the first to applaud it

i fear im leaning toward the malevolent

but i would much rather be benevolent

i reckon it’d take about half a million quid to make me nice again

but even two hundred grand would cheer me up a bit, & raise a friendly grin

a tuesday. the autumn of 2006

dear diary,

there is no devil,

there is no devil but the devil that resides within,

she’s comfy down there under the surface

sometimes i almost glimpse her behind my eyes when i look into the mirror

so i gathered up the mirrors today and took them down the tip

i then listened to the wife whine

but took her hand into mine

‘don’t complain’ i explained

‘from here on doll, you shan’t ever feel fat again’.

as for the good and noble side of my nature,

they lay exhausted & panting uselessly.

if further work’s to be done, it shan’t be done by the likes of them.

once i was a much nicer bloke you know

once upon a time i exuded love and devotion

these were paradigms from an old book i read once in my youth.

they were a sort of alternative reading of the truth

my love & devotion fed on my need & emotion.

until need & emotion were consumed

as once they consumed me.

for thine is the kingdom…

where was i?

oh yes

i used to be a much nicer feller,

i used to offer my ear, my support, and umbrella

now everyone around me looks somewhat wet

but there’s no cause to get upset

no gain to be had by feeling regret

i don’t believe in evil

i don’t believe in the devil

but evil is as evil does

and the devil believes in me sure enough

i used to be a so much nicer bloke

and now i feel my soul has been revoked

but i still have all my good intentions

they are still lying around here somewhere

perhaps in the laundry, or down the back of a chair

i think i glimpsed them yesterday

they can’t be too far away

i used to be a much nicer bloke

now my kindliness lay broken,

and whatever else has awoken

its not yet spoken

a wednesday. the winter of 2006

dear diary

i use to be a bit of a div

i even used to forgive

those that trespass against…

where was i?

oh yeah

…so i told them

‘what are you looking at?

you’re all a waste of space

you’re all as useless as a wagon load of monkeys…

as a chocolate teapot…

as a clothes horse on a stud farm…’

- close entry -

evans 23 sept 2006

[merciful evans]

a whole week. yet again.

youre all a bunch of miserable twonks !

[john]

Sorry Merciful

Been busy (I'll let others furnish their excuses). Apparently we've all been infected by a serious lack of enthusiasm.

It's very good, though the last couple of lines let it down a bit. I love the free flowing style and the idea of arranging it as diary entries.

You manage to keep up the pace through such a long poem by keeping it interesting, both in ideas / expression and structure.

A nice piece of creative work!

Cheers

John

[Lazz]

bunch of miserable twonks !

Twonk?

Miserable?

I hjave never nbeen so insulted in my life !

Egg-spoons at dawn on Erith common, sirrah !!

[john]

Oh go on, make it cream pies at one pace. Far more entertaining. remember and post the photos!

[oleaw]

A lot of good lyrical ideas.

You may want to extract the lines and ideas you like most,

and put some more work into it.

Reminds me of Morrissey: Used to be a sweet boy

----------------------------

Used to be a sweet boy

Holding so tightly

To Daddy's hand

But that was all

In some distant land

Used to be a sweet boy

And I'm not to blame

But something went wrong

Something went wrong

And I know

I'm not to blame

[Alistair]

A lot of good lyrical ideas.

You may want to extract the lines and ideas you like most,

and put some more work into it.

Reminds me of Morrissey: Used to be a sweet boy

----------------------------

Used to be a sweet boy

Holding so tightly

To Daddy's hand

But that was all

In some distant land

Used to be a sweet boy

And I'm not to blame

But something went wrong

Something went wrong

And I know

I'm not to blame

I enjoyed every syllable of it - have you got music for it?

It reminded me a bit of Jake Thackray, except better!

[oleaw]

I enjoyed every syllable of it - have you got music for it?

It reminded me a bit of Jake Thackray, except better!

It's a song by morrissey from the brilliant album Vauxhall and I

The complete lyrics

Used to be a sweet boy

[Alistair]

It's a song by morrissey from the brilliant album Vauxhall and I

The complete lyrics

Used to be a sweet boy

I'm sorry, I was referring to evans' verse whih I prefer