A Breeze To Freeze To

[JamesJones]

i wanna have my own window to sleep underneath ,

avoid the monster that cant get to me undersheets

cold dark nights so afraid quickend chattering teeth

crying for a mother who i could never even see

locked away boy just destroyed from these streets

wondering what he did to have to runaway beet feet

hoping my soul is pure but i feels of ash and reeks

brimstone and embers touching my soul ventures

a broken path to cover up with laughs of frozen pasts

when someone finally giggles at last pains gone shat

returned like a pheonix who refuses to die and stay dead

pained days i couldnt find ways to just get outta bed

if i had a favorite color its red

cuz ive seen so much its what ive bled into these words u read

[scotsman89]

James

is this good no idea first seven lines had a feel to them then you changed the rhyme and I got kinda lost maybe your intention ?  read it a few times to try and find what i missed and still missing it.

 

john

[MPerry]

Hi James

 

You have some good images, some words that would create a good flow if used purposefully, you seem to jump around, but maybe stay with one thought or idea, then flesh it out further...again you have good bones here, just maybe organize it.  Regards Mike