[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

Kel, Gary, it's Satutrday morning? what are you doing up at this hour?!!! LOL will look at whats above in a sec...

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

(8 SYLLABLES) When somebody’s heart is hurting   

-/--/-/-

(5 SYLLABLES) They lash out at you  

-/---

(8 SYLLABLES) Their pain makes them feel uncertain 

-/---//

(5 SYLLABLES) They can’t see the truth 

--/-/

 

(6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels pain

////--

(6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels hurt 

////--

(3 SYLLABLES IN MELODY) Sometimes

/-

(9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to feel that again

/--/-/-/-

(9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to play a lead part 

/--/---//

(3 SYLLABLES) Break the ties 

/--

(4 SYLLABLES) Hard to be strong

/--/

Gary, I don't feel confident at this one bit. One word HELP

this is what I have gotten so far (and I have changed them back and forth several times to get to this point) and still feel it is not a good job.

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

Yes it was quite hard and can you imagine how long it will take to do the peer reviews! Ugh!

I have now submitted it so I'm glad it's done.

Post your stress chart here and i'll check it for you.

I had to get someone to check mine then after I recorded it we decided a couple of stresses were wrong so I had to adjust it. Anyway done!! done done!!!

Oh and i've just checked assignment 3 I got 25 so that's OK. Two people got pernickety about the notes. It's our job to analyze the song. Two people liked the recording

no accounting for taste. It was horrid but i couldn't be bothered fixing it. Now I think its better as a week four thing. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

Gary,

For week 3 assignment, I only got two comments from peers and both were positive. One actually liked the fact I put notes in as it showed understanding of the assignment. I wasn't able to change the mistake of putting an additive rhyme in my notes but luckily they didn't notice... yikes!

I will work on week 4 assignment and definitely post it here for your eyes to review. thank you!!!!!!

Lisa

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

Glad you're feeling better Gary!

I've learned so much recently...not just on the Course either. My eyes are really opening!

I will look at week 4 assignment you have above in the morning when I'm more alert!

I tried to do this for my song and it is baaaad! I can't believe how hard this is! UGH!

whine whine stomp stomp I don't want toooooo!!!!

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Um? Did I miss something about collective nouns?

I was wondering the same thing....

patiently waiting the Kelism that is sure to follow.

tee hee!

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

I think you have a pretty good foundation, but could add a few more brands, like in this verse: Suggestion: for two verses. Just a few suggestions, to try and help.

 

Working days are all through

We’ve got better things to do

Drinking Lipton by the pool  Kel's suggestion (by)

The best way to stay cool

 

It’s such a lovely day

McDonalds makes it go our way

Who are you texting

You said you were resting

 

 

Goldy          

Goldy,

I do like the Lipton idea, but to do the McDonalds reference I would have to change most of the verse...Ah well, I think about it if McD's ever comes to me for a jingle, I'll be armed and dangerous!

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Les, this song has class. I could almost see this

in a Broadway Comedy Musical, like Auntie Mame. I

really enjoyed it.

Goldy

 

Goldy, now I'm singing "open a new window" and it will be stuck in my head all day! I guess it's better than "we need a little crhistmas" right? LOL

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Trying to pull the wool over their eyes? A likely story. Lol cunning in it's simplicity and very convincing.

John, he did almost have me convinced but the blinders eventually come off and I can see the whole Kel picture! It's ok, let him try...it's cute!

LOL

this week has gotten out of control! two weeks in a row with all this crazy fun. I don't think I've laughed so hard in years!

thank you my fellow Songstuffers!

 

 

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Ive only just noticed this.

I'm game.

 

Lula

 

Lula wont ya Hoover up the floor.

You made crumbs yesterday, when you bit into your muffin

Your rag doll is sick and she’s spilling all her stuffing

You drop more and more but you never pick up nothing

And your mother said she saw you drop some more,

So Lula wont ya Hoover up the floor.

 

It glides along the ground

It makes a Hoover sound

You like it when the kitten follows it and you around

And don’t forget sometimes what you think you lost is found

 

Lula run the Hoover over there

You promised that you would, when I took you winkle picking

We winkled all the morning but now the clock is ticking

You only make it worse by giving rag doll a kicking

Give her to your mother, and she will sew the tear

and Lula run the Hoover over there

 

It glides along the ground

It makes a Hoover sound

You like it when the kitten follows it and you around

And don’t forget sometimes what you think is lost is found

Rudi, this was great!

I was thinking she was a dog (I don't have kids so my dogs are often called Hoovers around my house!) Ha ha ha! but then you mention mother to sew the tear and I had to concede Lula is a little girl.

I had to Google Winkle Picking...you are making me do homework here!

But most of all this line really touched me:

And don’t forget sometimes what you think you lost is found

I look forward to more entries in the coming weeks from you!

Lisa

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Well heres my effort, Done today.

 

Theres a joke line in the bridge and I couldnt think of a good title.

 

Oh to be Young?

 

V

I see them when I’m in town

Wandering from shop to shop

Gucci bag clutched in hand

Time by a Cartier watch

 

V

Fingers draped in diamonds

Necks all wrapped in gold

Chanel dabbed all over

Not wanting to look old

 

C

They ponder on the things they’ll buy

Will it be Dior or may be Ralph

Their yesterdays are long, long gone

But they just can’t face the truth

 

V

Time no longer on their side

Pursued by life’s cruel clock

Find answers on a TV show

Presented by the GOK

 

V

Vogue, headline “look fantastic”

Take inches off the hips

Bend your friend Mr. AMEX

Get some Botox in the lips

 

C

They ponder on the things they’ll buy

Will it be Dior or may be Ralph

Their yesterdays are long, long gone

But they just can’t face the truth

 

B

The easy life hasn’t been too good to some

The Jenny Craig diet didn’t fix the bum

One more face lift the surgeon cheered

One more face lift she’ll have a beard

 

C

They ponder on the things they’ll buy

Will it be Dior or may be Ralph

Their yesterdays are long, long gone

But they just can’t face the truth

 

Outro

The reflection they see in TopShop’s pane

Is one from which they can’t hide

But still they search for the magic pill

In a vain attempt to turn youths retreating tide

Good Show Skin!

OH how I hate when someone gets their lips done. It looks disgusting!

But Ralph/truth aren't quite hitting my Stateside ears right...perhaps with a New Zealand accent it might rhyme better? lol

I loved the beard in the bridge.

Lisa

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

That could become a whole drama infused series...

Rudi, thanks I think...

this is great fun the weekly challenge! glad to see you playing!

Lisa

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

I feel this is pretty weak but I can't get it out of my head so I'm giving it to you all!

 

 

You and Me by Lisa M. Guzda

 

Here we are you and me

In the best years that we’ve seen

The kids have all grown

And moved out on their own

 

Working days are all through

We’ve got better things to do

Drinking at the pool

The best way to stay cool

 

Wait, you can’t be serious

You are not mysterious

There are three of us here

You are making it so clear

Now it’s you and me

Your I-phone makes it three

 

It’s such a lovely day

We should make it go our way

Who are you texting

You said you were resting

 

Chorus

 

Bridge:

Now I see how it’s addicting

You have the power in your hand

I’m headed to the mall

Going to the I-phone stand

 

Now I am serious

And yes so mysterious

There are four of us now

Getting through to you somehow

Now it’s us and them

I-phones brought us together again

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

No we don't have Walmart, but K-Mart is here, and Target. Though in polite society, the latter boutique is pronounced Tah-zhay! Funnily, they are in opposition to each other but owned by the same parent firm. We don't have monopoly laws like you do in US.

 

I just pictured this clown driving around Venice Beach and Beverly Hills spending all his "new money" on brand names when he is more accustomed to Walmart. I figured even countries that don't have Walmarts will have a pretty good idea of the type of store it is, from the American Pop Culture we all have access to.

 

I must say, I had a heap of fun writing it!

 

I was imagining a film clip and everything just came together. It's probably not the inclusion John had in mind, but it's Kelish!

 

Cheers,

Kel

I get it, no Walmart! thank God! Can I come live there? I am apaulled at the monopolies here.  eh...land of the free they say... Oh and we call Target Tah jay (with a french accent!)

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Yeah. this song is about the Beiber, thought I could fool you, not! 

 

 

 

Goldy          

I liked it that I thought I knew but wasn't sure...sign of a good writer! Oh and that Les knew too! Good one!

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

My contribution, to this weeks challenge.

 

 

Tabloid Boy

 

Verse:

 

You were just young

A little while ago

Singing on Youtube

Playing the piano

Now you're it

Pompous as can be

Strutting Red Carpet

A celebrity

 

Verse:

 

Gucci sunglasses on

Cool as James Dean

Smiling at young girls

Making them scream

Fame has you reeling

You're a famous pop star

Your photo's in US

Holding a Gibson guitar

Chorus:

Tabloid Boy

You're Hot

Hot,

Hot

Paparazzi loves you

They want to get

A Shot

Shot

Shot

Of your big brown eyes

And your new tatoo

So they can sell it

To the Enquirer news

Verse:

 

The world's at your feet

You're a famous teen

A Nikon follows you

In your Ferrari machine

Just think what you can do

With the money you make

If you shared it with Care

You'd be ending heartache

Chorus:

Tabloid Boy

You're Hot

Hot

Hot

Paparazzi loves you

They want to get

A Shot

Shot

Shot

Of your big brown eyes

And your new tattoo

So they can sell it

To the Enquirer news

Repeat Chorus:

Hi Goldy,

I just have to wonder whoooo this song is about?!! Ha Ha Ha Did he really get a tattoo? I'm behind on Enews.

Good one! Your rhymes are realling flowing in this lyric.

Lisa

[Challenge #9 Celeb / Brand Inclusion]

Okay, I think I managed to find something to say....

 

Brand Names

 

I look so good in Ray Bans,

And all the girls agree

I can't walk down the road

Without them looking right at me!

And when I strut my Levis

I give those gals a thrill

And when I tip my Stetson

Well those gals would run uphill

 

I drive my new Ranchero

Down Rodeo Avenue

All the high class ladies

Turn and wave hello.

Sometimes I cruise up Sunset

Drinking Jim Beam with a Coke

I keep a big Havana close

In case I want a Smoke

 

I'm buying brand names

I'm buying brand names

I don't shop no more in Wal Mart

I made it big

I really did

I'm buying brand names

 

I'm checking out this Tissot

I really need to be on time

I signed a big fat contract

Now I'm wearing Calvin Klein.

I got Nikes by the dozen

But I don't even run no more

I got a fancy trainer

Teach Pilates at my door

 

I'm buying brand names

I'm buying brand names

I don't shop no more in Wal Mart

I made it big

I really did

I'm buying brand names

 

I think I feel like chillin'

Watch my mega LG screen

Play a little X-Box

Maybe call on Charlie Sheen

 

I'm buying brand names

I'm buying brand names

I don't shop no more in Wal Mart

I made it big

I really did

I'm buying brand names

Please tell me you don't have Walmarts in Australia?!! ugh they are taking over the WORLD!!!

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

Hi Lisa

The verse is fine.

The chorus.

The A rhyme is not additive I think it's perfect. Pain/again

If you look at the stability of rhymes and schemes.

First the scheme. The most unstable scheme is abba

You have seven lines which makes this the most unstable I can think of.

ABBACBC

In addition you should not use perfect family or additives in the chorus

Use subtractives (less stable) assonance and consonance

So here it is with the most tenuous of rhymes.

Everybody feels it, this is so painful A

Everybody gets hurt B

Nobody wants to play a lead part B (consonance)

Nobody wants to feel that again A (subtractive)

Do we break the ties C

So hard to be strong I'm beat B (consonance)

Sometimes C (consonance)

Now if you didn't know better you would think there were no rhymes there at all.

The subject matter in the chorus suits instability.

So when you put this in say your verse is explains the facts of the matter hence suitability to be stable.

The chorus deals with the emotion. The song contrasts the two.

Sorry to hear about this family stuff but you do know that emotions are not rational.

So her nastyness to you is because your not sick and your brother is.

I don't know how you deal with that,rationalise and get over it like I did, or whatever gets you bye.

Cheers

Gary

Gary,

I deal with it by writing about it. I have one song that is simply entiled "Anger" about my lack of control of my brother's cancer. I wish screaming or crying could help but it does not.

I see you know all about this and I'm sorry you had to go through it.

Chin up. somehow....

Lisa

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

I've got a Wog so I have watched the videos on TV but not done notes or quizzes this week. I was a bit disappointed in my mark.

26.5 out of thirty. Only 2.5 out of five for my spotlight which if I say so myself was not too shabby.

Anyway not too worry it's the doing of them that matters.

Cheers

Gary

Gary, I looked up Wog and I thought I'd find it meant you weren't feeling well (we say we've got a bug as in a stomach bug) but the Urban Dictionary had another description that doesn't match what you said so...what are you saying?

 

About the notes, it's only Tuesday and you can still post notes cause it's only Monday here in the states and the UK! ha ha ha! I love that 14 hours!

 

I was happy with my 26 for Week 2 because my peers were so bad to me in week 1...I guess this week won't win me any points either. BLAH! I think I'll download these videos like Mahesh pointed out and go over them when I'm done with these 6 weeks and get better understanding of these new tools. I mean really?, did Bob Dylan actually know about family rhymes and multi syllables? I doubt it...

 

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on my chorus...yes that would've been better and I could've changed the melody a bit to make it work.

I hope you feel ok...?

All the best,

Lisa

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

Here are the lyrics for my Week 3 assignment. I have to find a loop that matches the tune in my head.

HELP needed in the chorus? Line 3 is sung with 3 syllables does my notation reflect that ok?

 

Everybody

By Lisa M. Guzda

 

A (FAMILY RHYME)  (8 SYLLABLES) When somebody’s heart is hurting

B (ADDITIVE RHYME) (5 SYLLABLES) They lash out at you

A (FAMILY) (8 SYLLABLES) Their pain makes them feel uncertain

B (ADDITIVE RHYME) (5 SYLLABLES) They can’t see the truth

 

A (ADDITIVE RHYME) (6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels pain

B (FAMILY RHYME) (6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels hurt

C (FAMILY RHYME) (3 SYLLABLES IN MELODY) Sometimes

A (ADDITIVE RHYME) (9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to feel that again

B (FAMILY RHYME) (9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to play a lead part

C (FAMILY RHYME) (3 SYLLABLES) Break the ties

X  (4 SYLLABLES) Hard to be strong

 

I wrote this after visiting my brother.  His wife was not very nice to me and I know it is because of my brother’s illness that she is hurting .

 

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/everybody-week-3-assignment

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

So Now it's assignment 3 

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assigment-3

in this assignment, you will write a new verse and chorus, this time with a fairly stable verse and an unstable chorus, applying the new tools from this lesson—rhyme scheme and rhyme type. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The verse structure is stable.

The verse’s idea is appropriate for creating a stable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the verse’s stability.

The chorus structure is unstable.

The chorus’s idea is appropriate for creating an unstable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the chorus’s instability.

The verse idea sets up the chorus idea effectively.

The verse language is used effectively. It is specific and vivid.

The chorus’s title is interesting.

 

 

Submission

 

I don’t know who you are

© Gary Yeomans 2013

 

Verse

They all say I should cut out running

Cut my losses dry my tears

I never ever see it coming

Even after all these years

 

Chorus

I don’t know why I still do it

I feel the pain, and I know the fear

It’s like you’ve locked me in, now I’m a lifer

Your words cut me like a rusty knife

I don’t know who you are

 

Notes

The song idea is the difference between what is sensible to do in certain circumstances and what your emotions tell you, you should do, and how they are different.

The verse idea the calm facts set up the emotional chorus as a contrast. You know she should go but you kind of understand why she doesn’t.

 

The verse structure is four lines; alternate lines are of equal length. Nine syllables, seven syllables, nine syllables, seven syllables. The even number of lines and the even line lengths make this structure stable.

 

The verse idea is the statement of facts as to what one should do in an abusive relationship. The stability of the structure allows the narrator to state calmly that she should just leave. Just the facts. This enables the practical facts to be stated so they can be contrasted with the emotive chorus. It enables the listener to easily accept and agree with these facts.

 

The rhyme scheme of the verse is ABAB which supports the stability created by the even line numbers and lengths.

 

The rhyme types are Perfect “Tears / years” and family (nasals) “Running / coming”

These rhyme types further support the stable feeling of the verse.

 

The chorus structure is five lines; of uneven lengths. The line lengths increase towards the middle and then decrease towards the end.

The five lines create instability, which is supported by the uneven line lengths. The shortening line lengths towards the end of the chorus create restless motion.

 

The chorus idea is an emotional response to exactly the same circumstance as the factual response in the verse. The idea is to contrast the two. The chorus needs to be unstable to show the irrationality of emotions. In the end the listener can understand both responses, and understands things are not always black and white.

 

The chorus rhyme scheme is unstable being ABBA with a non-rhyming line in front to make it XABBA. This enhances the instability established by the uneven line lengths.

 

The chorus rhyme types get less and less resolved as the chorus continues I am trying to create an emotion of getting more and more lost and not knowing what to do next.

Fear/are (consonance rhyme the least resolved, and most tenuous)

Lifer/knife (subtractive rhyme)

Gary,

Are you adding the notes to your submission? it really explains the story which is so hard to create in one verse and chorus. I don't know how to make my chorus flow with out music. I read your chorus and it is choppy but when I hear it to music, I get it. I'm posting my lyrics below. Can you take a peek and see if they rhymes are correct? I know it's last minute but if you can, I'd like to know your opinion.

thanks,

Lisa

[An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.]

You are welcome Lisa. I have just posted my assignment three with notes as to what I have done and why I have done it.

10.30 p.m., yes too late for recording. 

 

It's a good thing to copy the evaluation check list into your word processor then ask yourself if you are doing each point.

Sort of peer review of your own self if that's possible.

 

I have tried now to create a really unstable feeling in my chorus. Like major

I want you to yell at the speakers get out of there now or you'll wind up dead. sort of feeling. I've got subtractive then deteriorating to a 

consonance rhyme. I really like that trick it's kind of cool. 

 

Now this is so unstable but it doesn't fell like it's falling over. That last note has just got to be on an e minor chord. 

I would never have written a chorus like this before doing this course.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

Gary, it's been a busy/bad week for me here. short handed at work so I can't take my computer breaks to listen to the videos this week. I forgot to do one quiz and had to guess at the answers because I only had 6 minutes to submit it...I like to procrastinate but this time I just plain ran out of time and forgot. Dang!!!!!

Thanks to you, my Week 2 Assingment was graded with a 26 (out of 30 I think?) so much better than week one...

I'm going to try to put mine to music but don't have the chours unstable enough. This is way outside my comfort zone this week!

all the best,

Lisa

[Challenge #8 - The Pop Song]

yup, I'm still scared

 

I let you know what I decide on that typo soon. It's a close call either way...

lol

[Challenge #8 - The Pop Song]

Hi Lisa

my turn, what does DRAF mean? googled it but got zilch. or more to the point nothing that seemed to fit (fit what if I dont know what it means) mmmmm

 

I have read your lyric and its good, real good. And what Kel said lol. I did have a suggestion on the bridge but if you are going to change it I wont post.

 

can you send me the link for the Music School, I think you posted it but I cant remember where? Thanks 

 

Skin

Typo for me....

Drag out of us is correct.

Kel, you are getting to know me well...scary!!!

[Challenge #8 - The Pop Song]

Well I have had a crack at a re-write and I am not sure if I have gone in the right direction or not?

 

Is this layout considered an ABC structure? read some more about it but I am still not sure on all ways that are considered ABC.

 

Took on board (pun (bus)) the comments and hopefully made some changes for the better? Plenty of innuendo's I hope they work. (This is not intended to be rude as such just a play on words)

 

In the chorus the 2 lines "Top deck" "Back seat" are meant to be sung short n sharp.

 

Thanks for reading

 

 Skin

 

 

Gonna Jump A Red one

 

V

I'm sick of this, tired of waiting for him

Gonna call the girls go clubbing with them

Don’t think of him least for tonight

Slip on my blue jeannnns oh so tight

 

V

He’s not worth my pain over n over again

I got to let him go before I go insane

I'm better than him screw that fool

Who’s he think he is to lay down the rule’s

 

C

Gonna jump a red one No. 69

I've punched his ticket

Now I'm gonna punch mine

A double decker

Is our limo tonight

Top deck

Back seats

Get as high as a kite

 

Bridge (rap)

 

Yeah he’s a loser

Thinks he’s a bruiser

Keeps me hangin

While he’s out bangin

With the boys

(Slight pause)

I'm not one of his toys

(Slight pause)

I’ll show him a rule

Don’t play me for a fool

Put me to the test

I’ll come out best

Every time

 

V

I'm a girl with attitude now you know

Afraid of nothing always ready to blow

I’ll get my highs with what ever I please

A red hot rocket that’s pulling the G’s

 

C

Gonna jump a red one No. 69

I've punched his ticket

Now I'm gonna punch mine

A double decker

Is our limo tonight

Top deck

Back seats

Get as high as a kite

 

Outro (questionable if this works)

 

I’ll get my highs with what ever I please

A red hot rocket that’s pulling the G’s

Hi Skin!

Boy did John ask for it with this challenge! Pop, Love, and Rebellious! Little did he know what it would draf out of us all!

Your change in the chorus makes a very clear picture. I picture a movie scene!

Good one

[Songstuff Songwriting Workshops... Interested?]

Thanks, Lisa.  I just want to clarify that I don't blame anyone for being intimidated at the prospect of learning how to play a musical instrument from square one, or for not being able to stay at it if the teaching model follows a traditional approach.  But, I keep thinking that if the teaching model didn't concern itself with technique or scales or theory or sight reading or anything else other than just learning chords, that would be a lot less intimidating and much easier to learn, and that knowledge of chords and familiarity playing them would be an invaluable tool in writing songs, even if it won't make you a good player.  I hear you Lisa, and I feel your pain.    You can write the words and you can sing them with a melody divorced from other instruments.  Other non-musician lyricists can perhaps imagine the vocal melody, even if they can't sing.  But, what you all could really use are actual chord progressions structured in a song-type format for a real or imagined vocal melody of your words to be put to.  Now, we're talkin' full-blown songwriting!  

Well, I know you better than that! I never thought you would blame someone for being intimidated by such a huge endeavour of learning an instrument. I think you and I have talked about my "laziness" or frustration of not practising what I really want to learn because it seems so overwhelming. I actually know 5 whole chords on the guitar! but they never support the melodies in my head soooo I just gave up... I am lucky to have a voice that usually is on key (no comments from the "peanut gallery please) I want to know the basics of guitar chords enough to write the melodies in my head so that is why I agreed whole heartedly with your suggestion. Thanks!