eclectic

Thanks for taking the time to read my lyrics. I think that my lyrics didn't quite complete the challenge, but I am thinking of turning them a different set of lyrics at some point. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks

I understand this now as what I should have done. It is an interesting concept. I considered many of the Holmes details you mention, but they didn't fit in my storyline. I suppose if it had been a different story about someone else, maybe they might have come into play. This has been enlightening, which is the exact reason I am attracted to the writing challenges. Thanks

Thanks for the feedback. First off, I think maybe I was supposed to extrapolate the concept of Sherlock Holmes to a different situation (person), so I missed that altogether. My story was meant to be about London being controlled/under attack by criminals (controlled by Moriarty), and Sherlock being the savior. Sherlock was in my first lyrics, but my family suggested I take him out. I wanted to have Watson in the story, but I couldn't figure out how to I guess for this challenge it would be better to include them both. I agree, I am missing a hook. A must. I didn't say London is falling in V3 because I had just made the leap toward London regaining control. I knew that was going to be an issue. As I read it again, I think it could still fit for the refrain, and rewrite the second London is falling in V1. As for the Chorus: I understand what you are saying. I think the best thing to do would be to remake what I have into the verses somehow. Which means I should probably add a chorus. Although I may not pursue this "story" anymore, I found the challenge helpful. It will give many things to think about when I write.

I know it's been a while since you posted, and you said you would more than likely move on to something new and fresh, but I wanted to comment on both your lyrics. You Can’t Be The King of Everything : You said you weren't happy with this one. I felt the feedback already given should be helpful. On the other hand, I think it's worth cleaning up. The references and imagery to Wile-E Coyote. were so numerous and spot on. I could bring up an scene in my head and watch it play out. It's very long; cut out the extraneous parts. Tell the story why he can’t be the king of everything, and bam (sorry-lol), fun and done Caddy Shack Man : This was hilarious! I am reading that you adapted the gopher scenario from the movie to a bee situation at a "real home"? It's awesome!

I probably need some more time to fine tune, but I hope the idea is correct. Not sure of the title yet. V1 London is falling thieves steal the night bodies of victims left to rot in a darkened backdoor alley London is falling Scotland Yard up in arms their protection force is failing the tables have turned for right and wrong Hell burns ever brighter for Moriarty's syndicate army Chorus1 Don't place your bets because London has yet to play their ace in the hole The fearless shall fear revelations deduced after searching the scene of the crime V2 London is falling but the fight is not lost formidable sleuth under wing all that was lost is now found details of pieces like a well written song where the words tell a true story the tables will turn on right and wrong evil takes a hard hit in the battle of mastermind wits Chorus2 Don't hedge your bets or you might regret heads are going to roll Double down on your bets it's not over yet London's regaining control Bridge Time marches on since the break of dawn in the war of good verses evil places can change still the balance remains between the states of peace and upheaval V3 villains will persist regardless of the risk every subtle clue uncovered loosens Moriarty's grip London is alive the city awakens it's nightmares finally buried it is hard understand the ordinary what appears so complicated for him it's elementary