Questions

[grandtheftcardi0]

hey i was wondering if you'd be superduper enough to critique one of my poems? =) (PERHAPS IVE FOUND MY "ASPIRING POET" FORUM AFTER ALL) i'm hoping you can give me some pointers on coherence because i tend to walk the fine line between being poetic and being awkward. =/ thanks ahead of time p.s. have you ever read amber tamblyn's poems? http://www.rebelasylum.com/ "plenty of ships" is my personal favorite

Questions

From the inside (of what?) looking out,

I watch the earth (from where?) as though a movie

An ever-filming, tedious scene

that's ever scripted and elaborately shot (by whom?)

And can't help but think, as I enact my leading role,

if others, too, have their own movies

equally elaborate yet profoundly variant (but how?)

constantly welding the motion picture they all call

their lives

so as each of these several billion people

can be completely isolated within themselves

seeking, seeking, always seeking-

as one who aims to catch the wind-

till time, their only limit, stops the camera (when?)

and ends all conflict

At which time, perchance, there is the option

to replay, delete, or save in archive-

one of many different discs

that, altogether, aren't unlike each other

And if the card's played right, perhaps there is another

step which we shall never know-

until the button's pressed and done

with quick farewells and lullabies-

Perhaps the ends are tied and knotted,

save the ends that spell

(but why?)

[Nightwolf]

are the questions in (parens) part of the Poem or ideas for expansion?

[john]

Hey

If they are part of the poem I think it's an interesting approach. Like a side step out of the poem.

It flows well, light on images but what you have works well. Overall I enjoyed it.

Cheers

John

[Mazrocon]

Wow this is very deep grandtheftcardi0!

I loved the idea of telling of what you are gonna do then asking yourself "why?". It defintely gave the feeling of Matrix/Paranoia/Conspiracy etc. But I must say the last line did throw me off

"save the ends that spell"

It doesn't quite make sense to me.

Anyways, I think you did a great job on this one (except for the last line ) it looked like it took alot of work to perfect and write!

~TIMOTHY~