Juvenile Fears

[Echappee]

I have come to the age when

as I strain towards the closed doors of

this voyage which threatens to sink,

I desperately cling on to

the feathered remains of

a childhood long lost

I still remember the day when

I succeeded in transforming

a quote in the Bible to memory;

How delighted was I then,

to impress the giants who

had parked themselves beside me

I fear for the day when

I leave this roof over me,

to embark on my lonesome quest;

The shield round my heart will

be irreversibly shattered to

reveal its obscure naivety

I will crumble ineluctably when

the time comes for me to

be integrated into the flood;

I thrash fitfully in this dead sea,

get drawn under by those

too thirsty to lose out

I will unrecognizable when

I finally reach the end of

this debilitate voyage;

having been disfigured by

the unending surges of

inexplicable power of higher order

I may turn my back on

the perfidious law of the Earth

when it is time for me to fall;

for I fear the conundrums that

will undoubtedly char the heart

of a childhood long lost

[john]

Hi

Only real suggestion is that "I may" is a very indefinite way to begin the last stanza and at that point I think it would benefit from a more solid sentiment.

Cheers

John

[Mazrocon]

"naivety"

Is that even a word?

"I will unrecognizable when"

This also throws me off, don't you mean "I will be unrecognizable when"? Other then that I enjoyed reading it, it's a pretty dramatic drawn out story I must say.

~TIMOTHY~