Song Writing Challenge/competition (Closed)

[JamTimeMusic]

Sorry for the delay. I just haven't had the time or availability to finish the vocal. Hopefully this weekend. I had my wife practising this song. If one thing i've learnt is this is quite a rangey song and she couldn't handle it. I'll do what I can do soon and post it up.

[McnaughtonPark]

Just a written wondering, what the word is?

[JamTimeMusic]

Hey man,

I've had a busy month or two and I had to push this right to the back of my priorities. Sorry bout that. BUT, I have a couple of days of this Monday and Tuesday so... I will get my vocal done so we have a basic demo to show off.

[McnaughtonPark]

Looking forward to hearing it. I know how busy goes, no no worries.

[JamTimeMusic]

Ok here it is. Not the best but all I've had time for.

Hope it works for you

http://www.reverbnation.com/jdcollaborations

JD

[McnaughtonPark]

I really, really like what you've done JD. I downloaded this and have been listening to it all day in my car. I think it's beautiful, do you want to post it in the songwriting section and see what others think?

I see you already have, should have looked first.

Edited May 17, 2011 by McnaughtonPark

[JamTimeMusic]

Hey Tom,

Glad you like it buddy. I had to change the "hide behind a wall" lyric slightly but otherwise everything else went well. I didn't notice your change of words on the chorus repeat till after I had done it so that's not on there but otherwise I think we have something to work with. I may jazz it up at some point but I'm a bit stuck for time as I need to get my head down and work on the band stuff now. Seven months till our target album release date.

As this was the first songwriting challenge and my first collaboration on this site I will say that I feel it was a major success. Thanks to everyone who gave feedback along the way.

JD

[Dee]

Amazing work guys. You've both put so much work into it and it shows.

Daft as this sounds, whilst listening, I felt myself well up. A combination of the sweet melody, fab vocals and touching lyric.

MP and JD, of course I don't know you two personally but (again this is daft) I feel a real sense of achievement on your behalf. I don't know what it is, maybe because I'm a witness to all your efforts. Sorry - just me being a big softie

WELL DONE

[McnaughtonPark]

Thank you so much Dee. As a lyric only member, nothing is more gratifying than hearing you words set to music. I really didn't know James could sing as well as he does so that makes it all that much more so. I think I've welled up with every collaboration effort, this one included.

James, all the best with your upcoming album, I'm sure it will be a success. A philosophy teacher once told me you could always tell who the successful people were because they were the busiest people you knew. Thank you for presenting this idea and for all your hard work.

Tom Gibson

[JamTimeMusic]

Dee, Tom,

Thanks very much. It was a while in coming but to give someone else a feeling of success is a really pleasurable feeling. I was put on this earth to write songs and I only realised that when I never became a success as a singer! The day I realised that singing had just been the vehicle to get me into songwriting was an amazing day. Suddenly everything clicked and this year I have been on fire. I have written so many good melodies for my band songs and it's starting to rub off on other collaborations. Since finding this site just a few months ago I have grown even more in confidence so hats off to everyone here and who has spent time working on my challenges.

I really hope Tom, that you are right. I wish I had the drive that I have now 10 years ago! Maybe I would have made it! The most difficult journey that I now face is the part after becoming good at what you do. The getting the stuff out there part. Takes a lot of courage, belief and persistence. Finally at the age of 31 I think I have that in me. Hopefully not too long now.

Anyway,

Tom. I've realised that the song is good and has a lot of potential so I would like us to do the following:

1. Look at the song lyrically and discuss 'Is it as good as it can be'? I don't consider myself a lyricist so I'll let you decide that. We have plenty of time to get it spot on.

2. I'm used to repeating the Pre chorus' rather than changing the lyrics. That is something you will find is very common in commercial songs. I feel the second flows less well but we can discuss this.

3. I need to redo the vocals as they aren't as strong as they could be. Especially the first verse. Very wobbly.

4. Complete a full production of the song. I can only do so well at my home studio but hopefully it will enough to put it out there.

5. These collaborations are good for me so I shouldn't stop them completely. I will find some time to work on this song over next few months maximum.

6. I don't know any better vocalists or female vocalists so I may look around and see what I can find.

7. Should I speed the song up slightly?

Speak soon

JD

[McnaughtonPark]

JD, I'll try this point by point:

1. Look at the song lyrically and discuss 'Is it as good as it can be'?

I don't think so, I think I can take it into the positive direction rather than the death of love path it currently follows, but we'll see.

2. I'm used to repeating the Pre chorus' rather than changing the lyrics. That is something you will find is very common in commercial songs. I feel the second flows less well but we can discuss this.

Fair point and I agree because what I was going for in "True my heart" is more like a conversation the singer is having with his heart, rather Shakespearian of me, but I don't think people are going to get that because that conversational tone comes out of no where. Don't get me wrong tho, I like it, but perhaps a conversation should already be taking place in a lyric before one speaks to his own heart. So, I think I'd like to shelve that line for another lyric and am open to suggestions there. I worry that there is already a lot of repeating, but I do understand that song lyrics repeat, and refrain.

3. I need to redo the vocals as they aren't as strong as they could be. Especially the first verse. Very wobbly.

I imagined you were singing while trying to present the idea that we wrote this for a female artist to sing. However, I would much rather you commit to it. Soft is good there, but with more attachment.

4. Complete a full production of the song. I can only do so well at my home studio but hopefully it will enough to put it out there.

Here is where I believe in you again. Your singing and the production. I must have listened to this a dozen times before I heard the harmonies you had tucked in. I love being surprised like that.

5. These collaborations are good for me so I shouldn't stop them completely. I will find some time to work on this song over next few months maximum.

Glad to hear that!

6. I don't know any better vocalists or female vocalists so I may look around and see what I can find.

Songs also have a way of finding artists to sing them. Someone may approach you over time, but I think all the above will help to find the artist.

7. Should I speed the song up slightly?

I think it's tempo is fine, the middle 8 could be sped up perhaps, I don't know, it's a bit angry, heated discussion between a jilted lover and her offending partner.

Lots of time on my side, and I never think a lyric is finished as long as I keep getting ideas for it, as I have with Burned.

[JamTimeMusic]

Hey Tom,

With regard to the Pre Chorus. I don't mind if the lyric changes but something about the second one didn't feel quite as fluid as the first. Look into it and see what you think.

I don't change the tempo of part of a track as a general rule so all I can do is either speed it all up of add percussion. I will do the later.

I also want to consider the verse melody. I changed it slightly because when I was singing it the original felt a little low. I will play around with that again I feel.

JD

[Dee]

I really hope Tom, that you are right. I wish I had the drive that I have now 10 years ago! Maybe I would have made it! The most difficult journey that I now face is the part after becoming good at what you do. The getting the stuff out there part. Takes a lot of courage, belief and persistence. Finally at the age of 31 I think I have that in me. Hopefully not too long now.

Go for it JD - show 'em that over 30 doesn't mean over the hill!

[McnaughtonPark]

Is the answer to the second pre this simple?

Time was

I was your love

Everything

I did was enough

[JamTimeMusic]

Hehehe Cheers Dee. Fingers crossed!!! lol

Tom,

Yeah that could work. It's different yet similar so yeah could be just what it needs

[McnaughtonPark]

Ok JD, next time you can't sing so good on a demo. I have noticed that nobady has said a word about the second pre-chorus. Not that it doesn't flow, or is hard to understand the meaning, nothing at all. Is this, as a songwriter, a place where you don't change it? I'm all concerned now.

[JamTimeMusic]

Ha yeah we've lost out on technical detail because people like the vocal so much. I did want the critiques but you know what, it either proves the argument that lyrics are less important than the song or that the lyrics are so good that they melt into the unconcious of the listener.

Personally I think its a great combination of the two. I must say, I didn't expect such good feedback. Perhaps we might have a little gem here?

As for the pre Lazz chorus I'm happy to keep it as it is but I need to sing the two options. The last two lines of the second one weren't sounding quite as vocally powerful as the first. I'll establish if that was me or the phrasing.

As you say, no one has commented so obviously sounds fine. Let's keep it for now unless I get back to you.

JD