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#20 My Song See His Face

By goldylocks
in Writing Challenges

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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
Posted (edited)
 
See His face
 
 
Chorus1
 
See His face
See His face
Pleading to heaven
Bearing our disgrace
Writhing in pain
Carrying the blame
See His face
See His face
 
guitar
 
Thorns pierce His head all around
Soldiers mock Him from the ground
Sorrow streams from His eyes
Heaven's angel's bow and cry
Seeing Him------------crucified
 
See----------- His Face
 
 guitar
 
Verse
 
Dark hides the sun in the sky
God's Son slowly dies 
Black clouds of thunder roar  
He rises up through Satan's door
Crushing death, forever more
 
 
Guitar
 
Chorus:2 
 
See His face
See His face
Light of the earth
Shining from the throne 
Takes His Crown
Reigns looking down  
See His face
See His face
 
 
 
 
 

Goldy :jumping13:  :jumping13:

Edited by goldylocks
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Newbie

jamestoffee

Posted
Posted

Hi Goldy,

 

Looking good.

 

I'm wondering about this line

 

"Humbled from our sin".....I am not sure humbled is an accurate description

 

maybe something along the lines of

 

"bearing our sins"

 

or

 

"Sacrificed for our sins"

 

or 

 

"Crucified for our sins"

 

or

 

"Atonement for our sins"

 

or

 

 

"Payment for our sins"

 

 

....maybe even along the lines of

 

Pleading to heaven
Bleeding for/on (the) Earth

 

 

and here

 

"Soaring to the throne"....it's hard not to associate a bird image or more like the Holy Spirit with 'soaring'

 

Maybe sticking with the light metaphor in the line above "Light of the earth"

 

 

......so......

 

"Shining from the throne"

 

Take or toss as you see fit :)

 

-James

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Newbie

Rudi

Posted
Posted

HI Goldy,

 

A few quick remarks, questions, suggestions.

 

See His face

 

Chorus1

See His face

See His face

Pleading to heaven

Humbled from our sin BURDENED WITH OUR SIN

Writhing in pain

Bending with shame is the shame his? BEARING THE BLAME

See His face

See His face

guitar

 

Thorns pierce His head all around

Soldiers spit on Him from the ground

Sorrow streams from His eyes

Heaven's angel's bow and cry

Blood pours out of His side

See----------- His Face

guitar

 

Verse

Dark hides the sun in the sky CLOUDS HIDE…

God's Son collapses and dies

Black clouds of thunder roar

He rises up through Hell's door

Crushing death, forever more

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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi Goldy,

 

Looking good.

 

I'm wondering about this line

 

"Humbled from our sin".....I am not sure humbled is an accurate description

 

maybe something along the lines of

 

"bearing our sins"

 

or

 

"Sacrificed for our sins"

 

or 

 

"Crucified for our sins"

 

or

 

"Atonement for our sins"

 

or

 

 

"Payment for our sins"

 

 

....maybe even along the lines of

 

Pleading to heaven
Bleeding for/on (the) Earth

 

 

and here

 

"Soaring to the throne"....it's hard not to associate a bird image or more like the Holy Spirit with 'soaring'

 

Maybe sticking with the light metaphor in the line above "Light of the earth"

 

 

......so......

 

"Shining from the throne"

 

Take or toss as you see fit :)

 

-James

Thank you James,

 

I had bearing, and changed it over and over again, but I love all your suggestions, so thank you for them. It always helps when you have an objective opinion.

 

Goldy :jumping13:  :jumping13:

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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
  • Author
Posted

HI Goldy,

 

A few quick remarks, questions, suggestions.

 

See His face

 

Chorus1

See His face

See His face

Pleading to heaven

Humbled from our sin BURDENED WITH OUR SIN

Writhing in pain

Bending with shame is the shame his? BEARING THE BLAME

See His face

See His face

guitar

 

Thorns pierce His head all around

Soldiers spit on Him from the ground

Sorrow streams from His eyes

Heaven's angel's bow and cry

Blood pours out of His side

See----------- His Face

guitar

 

Verse

Dark hides the sun in the sky CLOUDS HIDE…

God's Son collapses and dies

Black clouds of thunder roar

He rises up through Hell's door

Crushing death, forever more

Thanks Rudi, I also used one of your suggestions, but I used clouds in the third line, that's why I used dark. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. 

 

Goldy :jumping13:  :jumping13:

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Newbie

Vagdavercustis

Posted
Posted

Wow Goldy, great!!
I hope this will be a powerfull song! :)
I like it the way it is. You're really a talent!

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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Wow Goldy, great!!

I hope this will be a powerfull song! :)

I like it the way it is. You're really a talent!

Your not exactly chopped liver yourself! Your writing is amazing, considering English isn't even your language. You do one heck of good job! Creative story teller~And thanks for the lovely compliment! :jumping13:  :jumping13:  :jumping13:

 

Goldy

  • Like 1
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Newbie

jamestoffee

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi Goldie,

 

I had a listen.  It's a good start.  Music is really about preferences rather that rights or wrongs.  For me, I would do 3 things different: slow down the tempo, use minor chords, and use more dramatic type chord changes.

 

I am working on a version of your song now to show how I would approach it.  I'll post it when I get it finished.

 

Here are some lyric changes I made to fit the music I am hearing:

 

Listen here http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12582576

 

 

See His face, see His face

Pleading to heaven

Bearing our sins

See His face, see His face

 

See His face, see His face

Writhing in pain

Bearing our shame

See His face, see His face

 

Soldiers beat Him to the ground

They mock Him with thorns for a crown

Sorrow streams from His eyes

Heaven's angel's bow and cry

Seeing Him crucified

See His face, see His face

 

Dark hides the sun in the sky

God's only Son slowly dies

Black clouds of thunder roar

He rises and breaks Hell's door

Crushing death, forever more

See His face, see His face

 

See His face, see His face

He reigns looking down

Salvation His Crown

See His face, see His face

He shines from His throne

Guiding us home

See His face, see His face

See His face, see His face

Edited by jamestoffee
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Newbie

jamestoffee

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi Goldie,

 

Here are the chords since your husband can play :)

 

Listen here http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=12582576

 

C

See His face, see His face

G................F

Pleading to heaven

Em...............C#dim

Bearing our sins

..............C..................D

See His face, see His face

 

C

See His face, see His face

G................F

Writhing in pain

Em...............C#dim

Bearing the shame

..............C..................D

See His face, see His face

 

 

Em..................................D

Soldiers beat Him to the ground

Em................................................D

They mock Him with thorns for a crown

Am.............................Em

Sorrow streams from His eyes

Am...................................Em

Heaven's angel's bow and cry

............C......Am

Seeing Him crucified

...............C...............Am

See His face, see His face

 

 

Em..................................D

Dark hides the sun in the sky

Em...............................D

God's only Son slowly dies

Am.............................Em

Black clouds of thunder roar

Am..................................Em

He rises and breaks Hell's door

.................C.................Am

Crushing death, forever more

.................C..............Am

See His face, see His face

 

 

G...............................F

See His face, see His face

......C

He reigns looking down

.......D

Salvation His Crown

G...............................F

See His face, see His face

......C

He shines from His throne

A

Guiding us home

.............C..................Am

See His face, see His face

.............C..................Am

See His face, see His face

.............G

See His face

Edited by jamestoffee
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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

James, I really appreciate you taking your time to show me the chords and music. I really love the way you've arranged it, but I also like Mike's arrangement, and so I'm going stick with his version, even though your sound is much better and your guitar playing is much better.. He worked on it for hours, so I don't want to make him feel it wasn't good enough. It already has 3 heart likes on Sound Cloud, so I'm happy with it. The bottom line is I don't want to hurt his feelings. You understand, being married.Lol

 

 

Again, thank you soooooooo--- much and keep yours as a Christian co-write with me. I really appreciate it!!!!

 

Sandy :luxhello:  :luxhello:

Edited by goldylocks
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Newbie

Rudi

Posted
Posted

The simple melody and arrangement of See His Face is perfect for a congregation to sing I think.

 

It even sounds like a hymn from yesteryear. That is not a criticism because those songs last longer than just about anything else..

I dont see it as surviving outside the walls of churches though.

 

After the 1st few seconds of hearing hubby, I it made me think of the Rev Gary Davis (a favourite artist & guitar player of mine)

 

 

 

There is a tinge of gospel (Davis) in See His Face, in that it sounds American. The rhythm does that I think. It may be understated, but its THERE.

 

This song of yours was completely unexpected. It made me listen to Davis again, and that has to be good. 

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Newbie

goldylocks

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you Rudi, you made my husband's day, with such a lovely compliment. I can see why you listen to Reverend Davis, he's very authentic in gospel singing and playing his guitar. I can see why he's a favorite of yours. By the way I liked your voice, it's mellow and smooth, very nice, from what I could hear.

 

 

Goldy :luxhello:  :luxhello:  

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