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First Try At Writing...

By AJalex
in Poets' Corner

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AJalex

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  • Noob
Posted

Loneliness on the road

Dreams are broken

Black clouds are formed

Happiness is gone

Even the shadow is lost

Struggling to hold it together

The life gets tossed

The glass of shattered dreams

are piercing the eyes

Darkness all alone

was waiting in disguise.

Someone was here

Someone is now

No one was there

It's only you to be found.

Wake up and walk away

Don't ask how...

Run back

Try again all that's allowed

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  • 3 months later...
Contributor

scotsman89

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AJ

se a lot in this dark,  escape , fear,  and a good write . keep going , we won't bite

 

john

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MPerry

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Hi AJ

 

Nice first write from you!...I like the short sentences with the great word images it makes for a nice effect...thats my mantra-less is more!!....you can lose a reader very quickly if you do not catch their attention right away, so good for you!...keep writing, and I will be reading!!...regards Mike  

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  • 2 months later...
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LadySeda

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Wow...

 

This is awesome. Imagery that feels so close I can see it between my eyes. :) 

This is your first write? You should keep writing. 

It feels fluid, carries me through to the end, and makes me feel something. Very powerful stuff.

 

Rebecca

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  • 6 months later...
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THEHOUND

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hmmm..its not bad..could be a lot better..but who am I to judge...I kind of get it .but doesn't rhyme at all...guess some poems don't...

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  • 1 month later...
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Leupo Ishai

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it definitely does rhyme it's just more complex than a monorhyme scheme. i really like this especially for a first write.

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