rap Screw My Life

[SoulHuntah]

Maybe I'll just screw my life
Never find a f*ckin wife
Nothing worth dying for
No reason to try more

Stay alive only to fade away
Do things in my own way
Years have passed since the day
When I came here not to stay
The rainbow turns to grey
Oh it turns to grey

And I've got nothing left to say
Words are dead and the song is too
There is nothing that is new

Is this even true
Tell me is it true
Who can know but you?
So give me your point of view

But don't push me to do
The things that make me go
Or even join the river flow
And now you will not ever know

Why I need you so
Oh let me go
Just let me go

[McnaughtonPark]

Dude I just had a long critique disappear.  best thing I have left of it is this link to a rhyming dictionary here on Songstuff. http://forums.songstuff.com/member/tools/rhyming-dictionary/

 

My critique was rhyme focused.  I'll try again tomorrow.

 

Peace

 

MP

[SoulHuntah]

Aw that's a shame when critiques disappear. Some feedback would always be nice  The rhyming dictionary could be useful though. 

 

Thanks man!

 

Soul

[McnaughtonPark]

Ok, another post gone.  All my fault tho', not the sites.  I tried on my phone again but I only have partial success with that when I'm at home because the signal is unreliable.

 

So back to the lyric.  Is this one rap as well?  It will be short i think won't it?  Originally that was the purpose of me posting the rhyming dictionary.  The structure of a rap lyric is going to be one having a lot of rhymes.  From what I've heard, the are up to 6,7,8 lines in succession that may have the same end rhyme before switching to another long series of the same with a different rhyme sound.  Seems as though you will be burning up your options of words to choose from quickly.  That's where the rhyming dictionary comes in.  Expanding the choices, tools and techniques.  

 

I listened to one of yours that had a soundcloud link.  It came it at 50 seconds i think, even though just by looking, it appeared on paper that you had written enough lines for a 3 minute song.  I was shocked at how quickly the words flew by and thought, oh my.  You've picked an extremely difficult genre to write lyrics for.

 

I'm thinking words.  Tools for words.  Dictionary, thesaurus, rhyming dictionary, books, road signs.....you're going to need a lot of words.  Subjects are somewhat easier to secure, that's the big picture.  Holding the listeners attention is going to be challenging.  The easiest way to do that is with cuss words.  That's the easy way to express anger or frustration.  The word f*ck may be stealing from the rest of the lyric tho.  I'll bet for every time I say f*ck i'm using up two lines of how to express that in other words.  Unless you're George Carlin, it may be difficult to make a whole shtick out of it.  

 

The rhythm.  Rap has rhythm, you were singing to a beat.  The down beat was the stressed beat.  There are words that have natural stresses on certain syllables.  You're going to want to write so those syllables hit the down beat. The word capitolism is CAPitolism, not capITolism for instance nor is it capitolISM tho that would be cool and easier to understand than the second choice.  So  CAP goes on the down beat.  When you have to start making choices like this, it limits the word choice even further.  

 

Those tools above will expand where you can go.  If you can, buy the books.  Online sources are good choices but a person can never go wrong having the paperback version of Roget's Thesaurus.  Learn how to use it and it will become your friend of expression. The layout is different than the Websters Thesaurus, you learn words by what you are trying to achieve.  I like it much better than online tools, but I am not always at home when I'm writing so I do use online sources when I can.

 

Another trick.  Going over a couple of lines in your lyric, does removing the word just change the meaning of the line at all?  It won't unless you use a different definition of the word just.  If it means legally or morally right, then the meaning changes, but if it means only a little the meaning doesn't change.  It's usually used in a useless way that when replaced with an adjective or adverb can help expand the thought meaningfully, or reduce the clutter altogether.

 

Maybe I'll just screw my life

 

or

 

Screw my life

 

The second option is more direct, less clutter in the way.  It says what the first choice say more defiantly, more concisely. but this goes against what I was saying about needing words.  Well, I guess in a way.  It's not only (I replaced just with only) finding more words, its finding interesting words, speaking directly, avoiding useless expressions (cliche) like rain when you refer to tears, and mastering syncopation and meter. 

 

The trap.  The trap is thinking what you have written is perfect the way it is.  The trap is ego.  Let it go early in the lyric writing process.  I'm only in love with the lyric I'm writing, the rest of them are probably close to shit in one way or another.  None of them need defending, neither do you or I in writing them.  Many of them are expressions of what was.  Some are expressions of hope, some anger, some resentment, some regret.  I change the character names and places and circumstances but they all have a piece of my truth in them.  A critique isn't attacking that truth, only how it was expressed, the technique.

 

I'm going to go ahead and post this so it doesn't become another victim.

 

 

[SoulHuntah]

Glad you managed to post some feedback without troubles this time!

 

Yep this one is a rap as well although I've tried singing it slightly differently from rap but my friends told me rapping fits me better and I think I agree. And yes you're quite right it is rather short. Most of my lyrics are born spontaneously and in a matter of minutes to hours. Sometimes I'm chatting with someone on facebook and suddenly feel that simple words can no longer express what I feel so I start writing in rhymes and see where it takes me. As a result it sometimes means that the lyrics will be kind of short and some are just thoughts at a specific moment and later on I might not feel like adding more to the lyrics and this leaves me with a lot of incomplete works. 

 

On the other hand when I'm feeling quite strongly about something I really will take the time to write down the lyrics and end up with a decent length song. This is actually pretty much the only reason I write - when I'm feeling deeply emotional about something. Feelings of pain, anger, sadness, resentment, regret, happiness and hope all drive me forward in writing lyrics. I can of course just sit down and start writing at any given moment but then it feels somehow "forced"? I hope that makes sense. So yeah I prefer to take advantage of an emotional moment and be inspired to turn those feelings into words. 

 

Another thing you said was that you listened to a 50 second song of mine when there was enough lyrics for a 3 minute song. And well, you're pretty much right. The words sometimes fly past so fast that I myself am amazed. And maybe I have tendency to rap fast but then again it is that kind of genre of music where the words just fly past. This certainly does make things harder for me but still I am quite certain I will stick to rapping. It just somehow feels right for me. Although every now and then I try different genres for the sake of experimentation and learning.

 

I've also been experimenting with slower rap beats and realized I don't have to rap as fast as I sometimes do while still conveying the same message across. The rhyming dictionary will definitely come in handy as well. I've used http://www.rhymezone.com a couple of times when I really couldn't think of a word to rhyme with. Another thing this site has taught me is that I don't structure my songs. When I look at other peoples works they all usually have a chorus/hook, bridge and so on. I'm thinking I should start doing the same with my lyrics to make them more structured. 

 

And yeah cutting down on clutter words is also a good idea. Interesting words instead of useless words. 

 

I agree with your last paragraph as well. Ego really is the trap. A rather difficult trap to deal with but it's definitely not impossible. And damn man you said "A critique isn't attacking that truth, only how it was expressed, the technique." I really couldn't agree more. I know there's lots of room for improvement and I'm hoping practice and this site will help me achieve that. 

 

Thanks dude, for taking the time to provide your advice and feedback. I really appreciate it!

 

All the best to you sir

 

Soul