Fading away

[averagejoe]

Sickness and loneliness tear up my body

Ain't no such thing like good days

The bad feelings and empty thoughts stays

I've grown stuck in this chair

It's true what people say

It's better to burn out than fade away

My inner thoughts haunt my self-centered mind

How could I act so blind?

my beloved ex-friend

How can the hurtful loss of you ever mend?

It all revolves around that question

I'm all over rejection and denial

This is it

This is the day

I've blown my life candle

It's all burned out

And the memories

............................fade

...................................away

Edited May 1, 2006 by averagejoe

[john]

Hey

I like this, particularly the first verse. The last 3 lines don't really add anything for me. It makes it more convoluted, and a bit less poignant...

Cheers

John

[Nightwolf]

Good work throughout, I like it!

If it were mine I'd make the end look like this:

And the memories

............................fade

...................................away

[Mudknot]

I liked nightwolfs ending. I especially liked this part:

It's better to burn out than fade away

Keep it up!

[averagejoe]

Hey

I like this, particularly the first verse. The last 3 lines don't really add anything for me. It makes it more convoluted, and a bit less poignant...

Cheers

John

I know what you mean. The poem in itself could have been much better . Thanks for looking at it.

I liked nightwolfs ending. I especially liked this part: Keep it up!

Thankx!

[averagejoe]

Good work throughout, I like it!

If it were mine I'd make the end look like this:

And the memories

............................fade

...................................away

Thanks! . Not a bad tip, It makes it more fluent in a way.

[Hope4Peace]

I also like the first verse the best. All in all, not bad at all. as for the ending, i didnt see it before it was changed, but i think the way it is now gives it a nice extra touch.

[averagejoe]

I also like the first verse the best. All in all, not bad at all. as for the ending, i didnt see it before it was changed, but i think the way it is now gives it a nice extra touch.

Thankx .