Poison Wine

[Nightwolf]

It's the innocents that suffer

Through the weaknesses of pride

Still you stare in disbelief

When the innocence has died

"I'll take what I am given

Everything is mine"

Still you reap what you have sown

Poison berries on the vine

So make your wine and drink it down

And never mind the taste

Cast aside the carcasses

And disregard the waste

So take your wine and drink it down

Drink until you drown

I'll not be there to shelter you

From the path that you have found

[john]

Hey

Very good John. Well expressed.

[up2mynk]

i like the flow of the piece. it's was really easy to put a picture to the words. Good Job!

[Da Prophecy]

Very good rhythm and simple but effective rhyme scheme. Your word choice is good and the message got across crystal clear. My favorite line is "Poison berries on the vine".

[Nightwolf]

Thanks folks,

This one is very close to me for reasons some of you already know and for the others I'm sure it will become clearer as my ranting continues over the next few .........

[beautifuldisaster]

That's great!

I love how you expressed your feelings with words.

[merciful evans]

John, this is personal for you. because you live it, it works perfectly.

just a pedantic thing about the last 2 lines though…

‘shelter from the path’ is a tad surreal and out of step with the first bit.

I have 3 ideas

I'll not be there to shelter you

along the path that you have found

I'll not be there to call you back (or call you home?)

From the path that you have found

I'll not be there to shelter you

from the rain that about you pounds

[Nightwolf]

Evans,

You found the one line that didn't just flow in, I had to work to get that one. Now that I have, I feel it works perfectly. I appreciate the comments and suggestions.

Thanks,

John