Title Suggestions For Poem

[saran]

On the edge of beyond I've carressed the hand of time

Fled my destination and crept beneath the tide

Drank with the devil while mourning the dream in my glass that ran

Abandoned I fall forever to this fortress, fear and damn

To stand in your presence and ask define for me heaven and hell

For this anchor of time holds my longing and this fool you make of me cannot tell

Well this burden is all mine and I wear it while you cradle your own and retreat

Loves silent bow in the face of the shadow you lay mute at my feet.

I came calling in the dead of night

Not a stir nor a whisper nothing right

Was it I who was distant or you reserved

The chill proceeded through me while you observed

Stood before you under sky cloaked black

Not a stir nor a whisper just your name on a plaque.

8/1/05

[john]

Hey

Well, as it's a poem you have a freer hand in choosing the title. I quite like "The Chill", from the 3rd last line. A bit abstract, but I think it sums up the essence if that makes sense.

I like your poem. Tthere a couple of bits that seem a bit dislocated though, like this:

To stand in your presence and ask define for me heaven and hell

"define" here just doesn't connect the words before and after. I think I understand what you are getting at, but I'm not sure.

Hope this helps

Cheers

john

[Nightwolf]

AWESOME,I LOVE IT, this is some of the best work I've read in a while.

I like "The Chill" for a title, or "Bronze memories", something like that.

[nigel lawry]

hi nice dark poem as for a title i would opt for sky cloaked black

but it's your story so it's all up to you

nice read

[Zarin]

Fortress of Regret

[merciful evans]

i must be the odd one out here, because i have to admit that i dont understand a single line, and ive read it through six times. so it would be daft for me to suggest a title.

but, if you lose the break between lines 8 and 9, you will have a sonnet.

good luck

evans

[saran]

Some great title suggestions, thanks you lot!

John,

Thanks for reading me and leaving a comment!

Not sure I understand, I thought it read ok. But if you could offer me a little more advice or a suggestion for that line I would be grateful. I really would like to understand your point. Thanks!

Evans,

Death is our destination and his reminds her that life is a dream we can never fully appreciate, and his name on the plaque confirms nothing more than her dispair to be with him again.

Thanks for being honest, I hope this helps.

Nightwolf,

Thanks very much!

[Da Prophecy]

Saran, this poem is well-written and reads well. Your opening line pulled me in and made me want to pay attention to what was going on. The rest of the eight-line section has some creative lines as well. I personally feel that the last six lines are a little weaker than the first eight as a whole but you close the poem with a fairly strong couplet. I have been trying to think of a title and all I have come up with is "The Edge of Beyond". Good luck naming this and good job writing.