john

Lyrics Writing Challenge #5 - Aliteration

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Hi Gang

 

The main challenge is to use aliteration in your write. There are some additional rules and restrictions.

 

  1. Each verse must use aliteration in at least one line.
  2. Verses cannot use end of line rhymes, except for two lines.... one of which must be the last line of the verse.
  3. Topic choice is up to you
  4. Song form is up to you

 

Have fun!

 

Cheers

 

John

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Posted (edited)

I hope I did this right.  You said no "end of line rhymes" and my endings don't rhyme (except 2, one being the last line of the verse), but there are some rhymes within lines.  Hope that's okay.

 

HE HOLDS ON
lyrics by Kc Chad ©2017

 

Early early ember enters September
a flame that strives to burn on
the west wind blows to catch the coal
but the bite of frost hurts, oh it stings his soul

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on.
 
Summer folds in the cold of October
The birds songs are fading fast
The green goes gold, amber and red
 flakes flutter down, down, down blanket on the bed

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on

 

The kodachrome captured one November
a trip to a Niagra escape
in  photos curled on the edges
where they eloped,  forever tethered

 

He catches a glimpse
of warmth in her smile
her eyes light up 
Oh!  Its been awhile
Her cheeks twinge blush
He rises up to to greet her
and then she's gone

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on


 

Edited by Pahchisme Plaid
Took out the last lines.
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On first read this was lovely! The alliteration was subtle but effective. 

6 hours ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on

In the chorus the 3rd line stood out a bit--maybe to specific? Without that line the chorus has more of an ease to it. Now that might mess with the stabiity/instability contrast between verse and chorus, but your short, plaintive hook is worth repeating one more time in the chorus, like so:

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on

He holds on

 

I'll take another look at this with fresh eyes, but outstanding effort in my view. ~T

 

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15 hours ago, Timbre said:

In the chorus the 3rd line stood out a bit--maybe to specific? Without that line the chorus has more of an ease to it. Now that might mess with the stabiity/instability contrast between verse and chorus, but your short, plaintive hook is worth repeating one more time in the chorus, like so:

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on

He holds on

 

I'll take another look at this with fresh eyes, but outstanding effort in my view. ~T

 

Hey Timbre, thanks for the feedback!  I didn't quite know if I liked that third line in there, I may go with your suggestion or something similar.  I still need to test out some sort of melody with this.  That sometimes determines for me whether or not I pull, modify or use a line or swap things around--sometimes.  Lyrically, I completely agree with you.  Likely I will nix that line--more likely than not.  Good eye!

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Posted (edited)

I started out wanting to write nonsense just play with the word sounds but I chickened out and put some sense in there. Its quite a thing not to end up with a tongue twister.

 

Time to Bring the Curtain Down

 

You are old so very old

So very old and tired

I see you stand with a stapler in your hand

With nothing to clip together

Journalist Journeyman

I do believe your behind the times 

Writing in a paper nobody is reading 

No-one wants to hear the facts

If the facts sound wrong

 

I think it’s over 

You know its over

it’s over and out and it’s time to bring the curtain down

 

Mining coal black black coal

So very black and dirty

I see you stand with a pick in your hand

But you know you can’t dig forever

Freezing on  the freeway 

In a subway submarine 

Catching all the catcalls yelling out the window

More retail lost their jobs this month

Than there are miners in your mines

 

I think it’s over 

You know its over

it’s over and out and it’s time to bring the curtain down

 
Edited by snabbu

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Posted (edited)

18 hours ago, snabbu said:

I started out wanting to write nonsense just play with the word sounds but I chickened out and put some sense in there. Its quite a thing not to end up with a tongue twister.

 

Time to Bring the Curtain Down

 

You are old so very old

So very old and tired

I see you stand with a stapler in your hand

With nothing to clip together

Journalist Journeyman

I do believe your behind the times 

Writing in a paper nobody is reading 

No-one wants to hear the facts

If the facts sound wrong

 

I think it’s over 

You know its over

it’s over and out and it’s time to bring the curtain down

 

Mining coal black black coal

So very black and dirty

I see you stand with a pick in your hand

But you know you can’t dig forever

Freezing on  the freeway 

In a subway submarine 

Catching all the catcalls yelling out the window

More retail lost their jobs this month

Than there are miners in your mines

 

I think it’s over 

You know its over

it’s over and out and it’s time to bring the curtain down

 

I found myself backing up to the first verse.  I wanted more detail on that journalist journeyman.  I wanted his story--how it was, how it phases out and how it is now.  That's a manner of reporting I wish our reporters would go back to--less opinion, more facts (confirmed facts before reporting) and chasing newsworthy news instead of the latest play by play of a well-beaten topic.

I wanted more on that dying art of fact gathering and chasing the latest big lead.    It could be more about how that kind of reporting isn't valued today and how the emphatic opinions and character painting has become the popular chase snuffing out the "old" way.  You could use terms like round up or round file the ribbon (implying a typewriter), pack up the pen and pads, let go the leads, hang up the herringbone on the hat rack--just giving it that old fashioned feel.  I think the coal mine idea could be interesting too, and I understand how you were tying them together with your refrain giving a new representation with each verse, but for me, my appetite was whet with that first verse and I was left hanging.  I would rather hear the lament of the journalist of then until now commenting how he might as well let the curtain down.  Just my preference.  I think you could get two songs from this.

Edited by Pahchisme Plaid
Autocorrect error
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On 18/05/2017 at 0:02 PM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

I found myself backing up to the first verse.  I wanted more detail on that journalist journeyman.  I wanted his story--how it was, how it phases out and how it is now.  That's a manner of reporting I wish our reporters would go back to--less opinion, more facts (confirmed facts before reporting) and chasing newsworthy news instead of the latest play by play of a well-beaten topic.

I wanted more on that dying art of fact gathering and chasing the latest big lead.    It could be more about how that kind of reporting isn't valued today and how the emphatic opinions and character painting has become the popular chase snuffing out the "old" way.  You could use terms like round up or round file the ribbon (implying a typewriter), pack up the pen and pads, let go the leads, hang up the herringbone on the hat rack--just giving it that old fashioned feel.  I think the coal mine idea could be interesting too, and I understand how you were tying them together with your refrain giving a new representation with each verse, but for me, my appetite was whet with that first verse and I was left hanging.  I would rather hear the lament of the journalist of then until now commenting how he might as well let the curtain down.  Just my preference.  I think you could get two songs from this.

Thanks for having a look and I agree with everything you have said. The thing is it is being constrained and writing a decent song. So the concentration is on the alliteration and the rhyme scheme plus meter so if you can hang your hat on a chorus to tie two things together and it fits the brief, it is a thing where you say my head hurts and I'm lazy so that'll do. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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4 hours ago, snabbu said:

Thanks for having a look and I agree with everything you have said. The thing is it is being constrained and writing a decent song. So the concentration is on the alliteration and the rhyme scheme plus meter so if you can hang your hat on a chorus to tie two things together and it fits the brief, it is a thing where you say my head hurts and I'm lazy so that'll do. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

I get that, Gary.  Sometimes my head hurts and my processor stops working and my pen taps out a poor attempt at morse code

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I like that the chorus speaks generally of something important coming to an end, and thus works for print journalism, coal mining etc.I agree that there's more of a story to tell regardless of the brief. I also think the chorus gives a stark message and I thought the last line could be broken up to keep that stark tone and play up the hook. ~T

 

I think it’s over 

You know its over

It’s over and out

Time to bring the curtain down

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Posted (edited)

She Provokes Me     Copyright 05/21/2017 Peggy L. Smart-Barnes

---------- V 1 -------------
Far from a final provocation
She finds her flaws
Staring in the mirrors
Framed in gold

---------- V 2 -------------
Restrings to a tighter tension
She takes her time
Renders with a brush
Touched in black

--------- C 1 ----------
Expect to excite
Without constraint
There's no constraint
And she provokes me

Impulse to incite
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

---------- V 3 -------------
Deliberate by brand of distinction
She doesn't blink
Blowing all a kiss 
Drawn in red

--------- C 2 ----------
Expect to excite
Without constraint
There's no constraint
And she provokes me

Impulse to incite
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

 

-------- O 1 -----------
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

She provokes me
 

Edited by Peggy

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On 5/10/2017 at 5:43 PM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

I hope I did this right.  You said no "end of line rhymes" and my endings don't rhyme (except 2, one being the last line of the verse), but there are some rhymes within lines.  Hope that's okay.

 

HE HOLDS ON
lyrics by Kc Chad ©2017

 

Early early ember enters September
a flame that strives to burn on
the west wind blows to catch the coal
but the bite of frost hurts, oh it stings his soul

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on.
 
Summer folds in the cold of October
The birds songs are fading fast
The green goes gold, amber and red
 flakes flutter down, down, down blanket on the bed

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on

 

The kodachrome captured one November
a trip to a Niagra escape
in  photos curled on the edges
where they eloped,  forever tethered

 

He catches a glimpse
of warmth in her smile
her eyes light up 
Oh!  Its been awhile
Her cheeks twinge blush
He rises up to to greet her
and then she's gone

 

He holds on.  He holds on
trying to pull back whatever's gone
He holds her hand, she holds his heart
She's there with him, but he's alone
Still.. he holds on


 

Hi Pahchisme Plaid,

Very nice. And reads as such a gentle expression.  Thought the first line was setting up for a tongue twister but it all came together beautifully.  

:)

Peggy

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On 5/22/2017 at 9:20 AM, Peggy said:

Hi Pahchisme Plaid,

Very nice. And reads as such a gentle expression.  Thought the first line was setting up for a tongue twister but it all came together beautifully.  

:)

Peggy

Thanks, Peggy!  I don't know if it comes out as obvious or not, but this song was somewhat inspired by couples whose lives are touched by Alzheimers or dementia and somewhat inspired by the characters in Nicholas Sparks', The Notebook.  That movie really touched me.  I saw it a number of years ago and it fits a category of impact that fits along with Schindler's List and The Passion of the Christ.  All movies that caused my eyes to leak.

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On 5/21/2017 at 9:18 PM, Peggy said:

She Provokes Me     Copyright 05/21/2017 Peggy L. Smart-Barnes

---------- V 1 -------------
Far from a final provocation
She finds her flaws
Starring in the mirrors
Framed in gold

---------- V 2 -------------
Restrings to a tighter tension
She takes her time
Renders with a brush
Touched in black

--------- C 1 ----------
Expect to excite
Without constraint
There's no constraint
And she provokes me

Impulse to incite
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

---------- V 3 -------------
Deliberate by brand of distinction
She doesn't blink
Blowing all a kiss 
Drawn in red

--------- C 2 ----------
Expect to excite
Without constraint
There's no constraint
And she provokes me

Impulse to incite
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

 

-------- O 1 -----------
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

She provokes me
 

These lines are interesting because I can't quite figure them out.  Guess I'm a little odd that way as I like a little bit of riddle in a song--its what causes me to revisit the lyrics (trying to figure them out).  The first verse leads me to wonder if the character is provoked by her own image in the mirror, "Far from final provocation/she finds her flaws/starring in the mirrors..." and yet the last line of that verse, " STARRING in the mirrors/framed in gold" makes me re-evaluate who "her" is.  At first, I thought it to be the one looking in the mirror, but the last line, giving the character a sense of  stardom (starring--mirror framed in gold), made me consider it perhaps she is watching someone else's in her mirror without their awareness and she is jealous of  or angry at whomever she is watching.  I'm not sure--it could be either, SO, I look to the chorus and I'm thinking the latter.

 

The second verse, I tried to do some investigating to see if "restrings to a tighter tension" was a makeup term as I could only associate "guitar restringing" and that didn't make sense (also discovered tennis restringing), but didn't find any connection to make-up so came to the conclusion that "restrings to a tighter tension" must be the affect her emotions were having on her.  "Takes her time/renders with a brush touched in black", could either mean she is trying to do her best to cover her flaws (the reflection of herself in the mirror) or she is giving herself more time to observe whomever she is watching in the mirror (jealousy/anger)-- again, could be either one.

 

Your third verse, "Deliberate by brand of distinction/she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red" going with the reflection idea, makes me think a slight possibility she is hiding her insecurities, not allowing them to derail whatever it is she is preparing for and goes forth in boldness suggested by the red of what implies lipstick.  However, I am more inclined to go with a fit for idea #2, that she is the jealous woman who never lets on her intensity (she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red), red also representing blood, implying that anger or jealousy.

 

As far as I'm concerned you've got a dual imagery going on here depending on how one reads it.  Some might like more of a clue to direct them to the intended story, but there is only one question I'm left with...Whoa! what did they do to "provoke" this gal?--might not have been such a good idea.  She sounds like a panther waiting to strike!

 

"Tighter tension, takes her time, expect to incite, by brand, impulse to incite"  I'd say you have the alliteration covered.  Your only consistency in rhyme (that I pick up on) is the first line of every verse--provocation/tension/distinction.  I did notice the change in color for every last line of the verse--gold, black, red which makes for a nice touch!

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3 hours ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

Thanks, Peggy!  I don't know if it comes out as obvious or not, but this song was somewhat inspired by couples whose lives are touched by Alzheimers or dementia and somewhat inspired by the characters in Nicholas Sparks', The Notebook.  That movie really touched me.  I saw it a number of years ago and it fits a category of impact that fits along with Schindler's List and The Passion of the Christ.  All movies that caused my eyes to leak.

Understand how the lyrics touched me and for reasons that are alot closer than  thought.  Again beautiful!

Peggy

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On 5/23/2017 at 10:58 AM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

These lines are interesting because I can't quite figure them out.  Guess I'm a little odd that way as I like a little bit of riddle in a song--its what causes me to revisit the lyrics (trying to figure them out).  The first verse leads me to wonder if the character is provoked by her own image in the mirror, "Far from final provocation/she finds her flaws/starring in the mirrors..." and yet the last line of that verse, " STARRING in the mirrors/framed in gold" makes me re-evaluate who "her" is.  At first, I thought it to be the one looking in the mirror, but the last line, giving the character a sense of  stardom (starring--mirror framed in gold), made me consider it perhaps she is watching someone else's in her mirror without their awareness and she is jealous of  or angry at whomever she is watching.  I'm not sure--it could be either, SO, I look to the chorus and I'm thinking the latter.

Hi Pahchisme Plaid,

Thanks for the read and the comments! Hard to admit this one, and thought alot about it, thinking "well maybe that still works"  but it just didn't. Sooo, "starring" is suppose to be "staring" yikes!!  I have company right now but want to get back to this soon. :)

Peggy

 

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i like the idea of this challenge, i dont want to continue writing unless i know i have the structure correct and are not breaking rules.

 

i see your eyes and raise your smiles 
im all in hearts straight to queen

ill be there baby be prepared 

i wont leave that lovely lady 

standing staring lonly and scared

 

i give you the gift of my hand
with a gracious grip i wish you say yes

dont leave me alone low and lonely

 

circling spiralling around the leaves

the winds wings flights are ever winding 

fly fly fly flutter away

harmoniously how lucky to be with you

 

when you do not wanna be with me

but were bonded black and blue like bondage

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5 hours ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

i like the idea of this challenge, i dont want to continue writing unless i know i have the structure correct and are not breaking rules.

 

i see your eyes and raise your smiles 
im all in hearts straight to queen

ill be there baby be prepared 

i wont leave that lovely lady 

standing staring lonly and scared

 

i give you the gift of my hand
with a gracious grip i wish you say yes

dont leave me alone low and lonely

 

circling spiralling around the leaves

the winds wings flights are ever winding 

fly fly fly flutter away

harmoniously how lucky to be with you

 

when you do not wanna be with me

but were bonded black and blue like bondage

I see lots of alliteration in your lyrics, so you've got that covered. You have only one rhyme which includes the end of line option with the other it rhymes with--rule--only two lines of rhymes for verses one being an end of the line rhyme (in your first verse, prepared/scared), so you've got that covered and he said format was of our choosing, so as far as I can see, you aren't breaking any rules.  

 

I am supposing you have more to add after you've got confirmation you're following the rules.  The song feels incomplete as it is.  

I like your opening line.  "raise your smiles" gives that sense that she feels warmly toward you.  I'm thinking replacing "see" with "watch" might have more of an impact as its more than just "noticing" as implied by "see", but rather "observing/searching" in "watch" which has more staying power--sorta lingers.

 

In your fourth line of the the first verse, I'd just change the word, "that" to "you" since you are addressing the lady in the rest of the song.

 

The coupling of "gracious grip" messes with my brain as to me gracious has a sense of "freeing", while "grip" gives a sense of "confinement" (sorta reminds me of how my husband proposed.  He had me pinned to the floor when he asked and I couldn't help but have this thought run through my head, "ah...this feel like a 'You better say, Yes' proposal" and of course I wouldn't have said yes if it wasn't yes, but...ya know...hardly down on one knee "asking". :P

 

Your third verse gives me the idea that she said, "yes" and you're dancing with delight.  I had to really think about that though as its implied.  Perhaps a brief, "Yes" as a bridge, depending on if you have more you'll be adding to the song.  

 

The first line of the ending two just doesn't belong there, if indeed, the previous verse is about rejoicing in her "yes". "When you don't wanna be with me" just feels out of place.  "we're bonded black and blue like bondage", the word "bondage" gives it more of an aggressive feel not in keeping with the rest of the lyrics which is full of mystery, hope  and excitement.  I would take out those lines--maybe you could use it in something else that's written with more of a thriller sort of feel.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Pahchisme Plaid
punctuation
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On 5/23/2017 at 10:58 AM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

These lines are interesting because I can't quite figure them out.  Guess I'm a little odd that way as I like a little bit of riddle in a song--its what causes me to revisit the lyrics (trying to figure them out).  The first verse leads me to wonder if the character is provoked by her own image in the mirror, "Far from final provocation/she finds her flaws/starring in the mirrors..." and yet the last line of that verse, " STARRING in the mirrors/framed in gold" makes me re-evaluate who "her" is.  At first, I thought it to be the one looking in the mirror, but the last line, giving the character a sense of  stardom (starring--mirror framed in gold), made me consider it perhaps she is watching someone else's in her mirror without their awareness and she is jealous of  or angry at whomever she is watching.  I'm not sure--it could be either, SO, I look to the chorus and I'm thinking the latter.

 

The second verse, I tried to do some investigating to see if "restrings to a tighter tension" was a makeup term as I could only associate "guitar restringing" and that didn't make sense (also discovered tennis restringing), but didn't find any connection to make-up so came to the conclusion that "restrings to a tighter tension" must be the affect her emotions were having on her.  "Takes her time/renders with a brush touched in black", could either mean she is trying to do her best to cover her flaws (the reflection of herself in the mirror) or she is giving herself more time to observe whomever she is watching in the mirror (jealousy/anger)-- again, could be either one.

 

Your third verse, "Deliberate by brand of distinction/she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red" going with the reflection idea, makes me think a slight possibility she is hiding her insecurities, not allowing them to derail whatever it is she is preparing for and goes forth in boldness suggested by the red of what implies lipstick.  However, I am more inclined to go with a fit for idea #2, that she is the jealous woman who never lets on her intensity (she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red), red also representing blood, implying that anger or jealousy.

 

As far as I'm concerned you've got a dual imagery going on here depending on how one reads it.  Some might like more of a clue to direct them to the intended story, but there is only one question I'm left with...Whoa! what did they do to "provoke" this gal?--might not have been such a good idea.  She sounds like a panther waiting to strike!

 

"Tighter tension, takes her time, expect to incite, by brand, impulse to incite"  I'd say you have the alliteration covered.  Your only consistency in rhyme (that I pick up on) is the first line of every verse--provocation/tension/distinction.  I did notice the change in color for every last line of the verse--gold, black, red which makes for a nice touch!

 

Hi again!

Sorry I didn't get back sooner.

Fixed the "staring" .

 

"She" finds her flaws in Mirrors framed in gold... plural because it reflects group think. 

Driven by collective manufactured guilt and assertions ... without regard. The colors were to help support. 

 

Thanks again for your thoughts. 

I Like the "panther waiting to strike". 

:)

 

Still looking at this one.

Peggy

 

 

 

Edited by Peggy
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thank you for  an awesome reply

 

im glad it fits the rules so i can continue to write, the last 2 lines were from today and the rest i wrote last evening.

 

 

I like your opening line.  "raise your smiles" gives that sense that she feels warmly toward you.  I'm thinking replacing "see" with "watch" might have more of an impact as its more than just "noticing" as implied by "see", but rather "observing/searching" in "watch" which has more staying power--sorta lingers.

i cant make a change to this line as it a pun on poker

all other changes iv acknowledged and will probably take your advice thanks

 

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Hi, Peggy.

 

Some great lines in these lyrics. "Blowing a kiss drawn in red" was a favorite.  Overall, it certainly seems to fit the brief. I didn't easily grasp the meaning, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I wasn't able to connect up with it as easily.

On 5/23/2017 at 11:58 AM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

Expect to excite
Without constraint
There's no constraint
And she provokes me

Impulse to incite
Without restraint
There's no restraint
And she provokes me

In looking at the chorus, what occurred to me is that the first 3 lines of each stanza are sort of observational with no subject, however the 4th line (the hook) is more personal. I thought you might consider how to tie the first 3 lines of each stanza to the hook more closely. Also, the hook makes me wonder what she is provoking the singer to do and I was wanting more of a hint on that. Carefully crafted overall. Just wanted to play up some opportunities to dial up the meaning. ~T

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3 hours ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

i cant make a change to this line as it a pun on poker

all other changes iv acknowledged and will probably take your advice thanks

I didn't pick that up cause I haven't learned to play poker.  I can see why you would want to keep it then. ;)

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On 5/25/2017 at 10:16 AM, Timbre said:

Hi, Peggy.

 

Some great lines in these lyrics. "Blowing a kiss drawn in red" was a favorite.  Overall, it certainly seems to fit the brief. I didn't easily grasp the meaning, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I wasn't able to connect up with it as easily.

In looking at the chorus, what occurred to me is that the first 3 lines of each stanza are sort of observational with no subject, however the 4th line (the hook) is more personal. I thought you might consider how to tie the first 3 lines of each stanza to the hook more closely. Also, the hook makes me wonder what she is provoking the singer to do and I was wanting more of a hint on that. Carefully crafted overall. Just wanted to play up some opportunities to dial up the meaning. ~T

Hi T,

Trying to figure where better clarity can occur. PP gave me some good places where "a" story gets lost.

So your good idea with chorus is probably the place. Going to run with that.  

 

This is what I was trying to project in chorus:

If she is without contraint/restraint then there's no constraint/restraint because "singer" has no constraint/restraint either.

 

Thanks so much for read and comments! :)

Peggy

Edited by Peggy

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4 hours ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

thank you for  an awesome reply

 

im glad it fits the rules so i can continue to write, the last 2 lines were from today and the rest i wrote last evening.

 

 

I like your opening line.  "raise your smiles" gives that sense that she feels warmly toward you.  I'm thinking replacing "see" with "watch" might have more of an impact as its more than just "noticing" as implied by "see", but rather "observing/searching" in "watch" which has more staying power--sorta lingers.

i cant make a change to this line as it a pun on poker

all other changes iv acknowledged and will probably take your advice thanks

 

Good stuff going here. I'll check your changes coming up.  Glad you joined the challenge with us :)

Peggy

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