An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.

[snabbu]

Hi  

The assignment for lesson one is to start planning a song from a song idea deciding on how the song will be developed through box one two and three. Who what where when and why etc. My assignment appears below.

 

Pick one of the following titles (or use one of your own) and, using the boxes below as a guide, describe how you would develop it (i.e., what would go in Box 1, what would go in Box 2, and what would go in Box 3).

• The Good Old Days
• Two Story House
• Fool’s Gold
• Home Brew
• The Other Side of Goodbye

 

 

 

"Two Story House" The development engine is point of view. The song is about a marriage that is falling apart. But in the end is saved.

 

Box one contains His story. He runs his own business and spends long days at work. He feels she takes him for granted. He feels unappreciated   He lives in a two-story house (a house with two stories, as in tales).

 

Box two contains Her story. She works and looks after two kids, running them to sport ballet etc. She feels he takes her for granted, he never comments on the meals she cooks, he can't even make it to his kids school concert he is always at work she feels he is avoiding his family. She lives in a two-story house (a house with two stories, as in tales).

 

Box three their story: There is a bridging section to show how when they determine that what they once had is worth saving they will try to get it back. And that they are not staying together for their kids they are staying together for each other. They will now fix up their marriage, put in some effort, do some work on it. In the final chorus the title (hook) is twisted to become "They live in a single story house" to signify they have got it back together.

 

Select a point of view that seems appropriate. Answer the questions:

Who is talking?

To whom?

Why?

 

Who is talking? The point of view is direct address. In box one he is talking to her. In box two she is talking to him. In box three they are both talking to each other. They are talking because they know their marriage is failing, they know they once had something good. They think it is worth saving and they make a pact to try again.

 

Describe (without actually writing a lyric or song) when and where this is happening.

 

When: This takes place in the past present and future. The present is how they are feeling now, boxes one and two. The past is referred to in the bridging section in box 3 to support why they will try again, remembering what they once had. The future is in box three. Looking forward to a new life, now that they have decided to work on their marriage.

Where: Box one is set in the office of his small business. Boxes two is set in her car. Box three is set in the kitchen of their house.

Edited July 20, 2013 by snabbu

[Rudi]

Its a testament to the course that you have already felt inspired to write for the assignment.

 

Is the lyric likely to go public do you think? 

[snabbu]

 So Now Assignment Two

 

In this assignment, you will write an unstable verse that moves into a stable chorus. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The verse is unstable.

The verse’s idea is appropriate for creating an unstable structure.

The number of lines and/or the matching and unmatching of line

lengths contribute to the verse’s instability.

 

The chorus is stable.

The chorus’s idea is appropriate for creating a stable structure.

The number of lines and/or the matching and unmatching of line

lengths contribute to the chorus’s stability.

 

The verse idea sets up the chorus idea effectively.

The chorus’s title is interesting.

Important ideas are spotlighted.

 

Using primarily number of lines and line lengths, write an unstable verse that moves into a stable chorus. Of course, since the verse is unstable, what it says should be appropriate to the structure. If you create a spotlight, try to place an important idea there, where it’s most likely to be noticed. You may submit your verse/chorus with or without music. If you choose to put it to music, you may use your own or write to one of the musical loops provided in the Resources area of the class site.

 

Submission

 

 

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assignement-2

 

Now it’s not Love

© Gary Yeomans 2013

In the dying embers of what we had

Nothing's happening nothing's new

Yesterday you said we're getting kind of Sad and tired

Neither one of us can bring ourselves to say

It's time we let it slip away.

 

Chorus

It's come time for us to leave each other

It wasn't meant to be this way 

No point holding on to one another

Now it's not love that makes us stay.

[snabbu]

Its a testament to the course that you have already felt inspired to write for the assignment.

 

Is the lyric likely to go public do you think?

I think I will write it when the course is over because at the moment there is stuff to do every week.

I guess it might be that I can write this as an assignment further down the track.

Cheers

Gary

[Lisa Gates]

 So Now Assignment Two

 

In this assignment, you will write an unstable verse that moves into a stable chorus. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The verse is unstable.

The verse’s idea is appropriate for creating an unstable structure.

The number of lines and/or the matching and unmatching of line

lengths contribute to the verse’s instability.

 

The chorus is stable.

The chorus’s idea is appropriate for creating a stable structure.

The number of lines and/or the matching and unmatching of line

lengths contribute to the chorus’s stability.

 

The verse idea sets up the chorus idea effectively.

The chorus’s title is interesting.

Important ideas are spotlighted.

 

Using primarily number of lines and line lengths, write an unstable verse that moves into a stable chorus. Of course, since the verse is unstable, what it says should be appropriate to the structure. If you create a spotlight, try to place an important idea there, where it’s most likely to be noticed. You may submit your verse/chorus with or without music. If you choose to put it to music, you may use your own or write to one of the musical loops provided in the Resources area of the class site.

 

Submission

 

 

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assignement-2

 

Now it’s not Love

© Gary Yeomans 2013

In the dying embers of what we had

Nothing's happening nothing's new

Yesterday you said we're getting kind of Sad and tired

Neither one of us can bring ourselves to say

It's time we let it slip away.

 

Chorus

It's come time for us to leave each other

It wasn't meant to be this way 

No point holding on to one another

Now it's not love that makes us stay.

Gary, I like the feel of your tidbit.

It looks like you used a spotlight on the line:

Yesterday you said we're getting kind of sad and tired

even the music hightlighted it.

I think you said you hadn't submitted this one (and we have till Monday evening to resubmit anyway) and I wanted to point out that the verse last line and chorus last line rhyme and might distract from the instability.

I'm posting mine below if it that is not ok with you let me know and I'll delete it.

thanks,

Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

Here is my submission for Week 2 Assignment (instructions above.)

comments are welcome of course!

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2-assignment

 

Go Ahead, It’s Ok by Lisa M. Guzda August 2013

 

Long distance friendship is tough
I think you want to be here
No use falling in love
My heart will surely break in two
‘Cause a text is not enough

 

Go ahead deny me
Go ahead say you don’t care
Go ahead I won’t believe you anyway
It’s ok to call me
It’s ok to say you care
It’s ok you’re gonna need me everyday

[snabbu]

Gary, I like the feel of your tidbit.

It looks like you used a spotlight on the line:

Yesterday you said we're getting kind of sad and tired

even the music hightlighted it.

I think you said you hadn't submitted this one (and we have till Monday evening to resubmit anyway) and I wanted to point out that the verse last line and chorus last line rhyme and might distract from the instability.

I'm posting mine below if it that is not ok with you let me know and I'll delete it.

thanks,

Lisa

Hi Lisa

 

I think I might change it because even though this being only assignment two and the rhyme is not supposed to be considered. If people have just watched the rhyme videos they might take it into account.

Actually if it's like the last evaluation there were specific questions and there wont be any questions about rhyme so it should be OK.

 

Well spotted! You spatted my spotlight on sad and tired.

 

I am wondering how unstable we can make alyric before it falls in a heap:-)

 

Cheers

 

Gary

Edited August 4, 2013 by snabbu

[Lisa Gates]

Gary, I don't want to cause a pardox trying to find out how unstable a lyric can be before it falls into a heap! LOL

all my unstable verses fell into the trash bin! Did you say flick it?

ugh!

[snabbu]

Here is my submission for Week 2 Assignment (instructions above.)

comments are welcome of course!

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2-assignment

 

Go Ahead, It’s Ok by Lisa M. Guzda August 2013

 

Long distance friendship is tough

I think you want to be here

No use falling in love

My heart will surely break in two

‘Cause a text is not enough

 

Go ahead deny me

Go ahead say you don’t care

Go ahead I won’t believe you anyway

It’s ok to call me

It’s ok to say you care

It’s ok you’re gonna need me everyday

 

Hi Lisa

 

Nice little snippet this is so quick writing snippets because you don't have to bother writing a whole song.

 

OK so now ignoring rhyme I am going to do an evaluation just based on a guess of the type of questions I think there will be

 

The verse idea is suitable for an unstable structure: Agree

 

The number of lines adds to the instability: Agree (5 lines odd number = unstable.)

 

The length of the lines supports instability: Somewhat agree ( your line lengths go 7,7,6,8,7) I'd like to see a bit more difference in line lengths. Some could perceive them as being even. You know what your dealing with here. Also you don't have a verse spotlight.

 

Suggestion

 

Long distance friendship is can be so tough

I think you want to be here

No use falling carelessly in love (this is a set up as it matches line one length the punter will then expect line four to match line two.)

My poor heart will surely break, break in two (spotty) or "break into little pieces"

‘Cause a text is not enough

 

Chorus 6 lines stable

 

lengths I am seeing 6,7,10,5,6,10 which is feeling to me like two uneven sets of three lines the odd lengths are not adding to the stability.

 

Suggestion to add stability  do line lengths  short long short long etc. like this.

 

Go ahead and deny me (7)

Go ahead I won’t believe you anyway (10)

Go ahead say you don’t care (7)

You know it’s ok for you to call me (10)

It’s ok if you say you care (7)

It’s ok you’re gonna need me everyday (10)

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

[Lisa Gates]

Gary, I am going to have a go with your suggestions tomorrow in the morning (USA East Coast time) If I try it now, I'll only get frustrated as I'm not a night owl.

They look good. thank you so much for this.

Lisa

[snabbu]

So Now it's assignment 3 

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assigment-3

in this assignment, you will write a new verse and chorus, this time with a fairly stable verse and an unstable chorus, applying the new tools from this lesson—rhyme scheme and rhyme type. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The verse structure is stable.

The verse’s idea is appropriate for creating a stable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the verse’s stability.

The chorus structure is unstable.

The chorus’s idea is appropriate for creating an unstable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the chorus’s instability.

The verse idea sets up the chorus idea effectively.

The verse language is used effectively. It is specific and vivid.

The chorus’s title is interesting.

 

 

Submission

 

I don’t know who you are

© Gary Yeomans 2013

 

Verse

They all say I should cut out running

Cut my losses dry my tears

I never ever see it coming

Even after all these years

 

Chorus

I don’t know why I still do it

I feel the pain, and I know the fear

It’s like you’ve locked me in, now I’m a lifer

Your words cut me like a rusty knife

I don’t know who you are

 

Notes

The song idea is the difference between what is sensible to do in certain circumstances and what your emotions tell you, you should do, and how they are different.

The verse idea the calm facts set up the emotional chorus as a contrast. You know she should go but you kind of understand why she doesn’t.

 

The verse structure is four lines; alternate lines are of equal length. Nine syllables, seven syllables, nine syllables, seven syllables. The even number of lines and the even line lengths make this structure stable.

 

The verse idea is the statement of facts as to what one should do in an abusive relationship. The stability of the structure allows the narrator to state calmly that she should just leave. Just the facts. This enables the practical facts to be stated so they can be contrasted with the emotive chorus. It enables the listener to easily accept and agree with these facts.

 

The rhyme scheme of the verse is ABAB which supports the stability created by the even line numbers and lengths.

 

The rhyme types are Perfect “Tears / years†and family (nasals) “Running / comingâ€

These rhyme types further support the stable feeling of the verse.

 

The chorus structure is five lines; of uneven lengths. The line lengths increase towards the middle and then decrease towards the end.

The five lines create instability, which is supported by the uneven line lengths. The shortening line lengths towards the end of the chorus create restless motion.

 

The chorus idea is an emotional response to exactly the same circumstance as the factual response in the verse. The idea is to contrast the two. The chorus needs to be unstable to show the irrationality of emotions. In the end the listener can understand both responses, and understands things are not always black and white.

 

The chorus rhyme scheme is unstable being ABBA with a non-rhyming line in front to make it XABBA. This enhances the instability established by the uneven line lengths.

 

The chorus rhyme types get less and less resolved as the chorus continues I am trying to create an emotion of getting more and more lost and not knowing what to do next.

Fear/are (consonance rhyme the least resolved, and most tenuous)

Lifer/knife (subtractive rhyme)

Edited August 8, 2013 by snabbu

[snabbu]

Gary, I am going to have a go with your suggestions tomorrow in the morning (USA East Coast time) If I try it now, I'll only get frustrated as I'm not a night owl.

They look good. thank you so much for this.

Lisa

You are welcome Lisa. I have just posted my assignment three with notes as to what I have done and why I have done it.

10.30 p.m., yes too late for recording. 

 

It's a good thing to copy the evaluation check list into your word processor then ask yourself if you are doing each point.

Sort of peer review of your own self if that's possible.

 

I have tried now to create a really unstable feeling in my chorus. Like major

I want you to yell at the speakers get out of there now or you'll wind up dead. sort of feeling. I've got subtractive then deteriorating to a 

consonance rhyme. I really like that trick it's kind of cool. 

 

Now this is so unstable but it doesn't fell like it's falling over. That last note has just got to be on an e minor chord. 

I would never have written a chorus like this before doing this course.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

[Lisa Gates]

Hi Lisa

 

Nice little snippet this is so quick writing snippets because you don't have to bother writing a whole song.

 

OK so now ignoring rhyme I am going to do an evaluation just based on a guess of the type of questions I think there will be

 

The verse idea is suitable for an unstable structure: Agree

 

The number of lines adds to the instability: Agree (5 lines odd number = unstable.)

 

The length of the lines supports instability: Somewhat agree ( your line lengths go 7,7,6,8,7) I'd like to see a bit more difference in line lengths. Some could perceive them as being even. You know what your dealing with here. Also you don't have a verse spotlight.

 

Suggestion

 

Long distance friendship is can be so tough

I think you want to be here

No use falling carelessly in love (this is a set up as it matches line one length the punter will then expect line four to match line two.)

My poor heart will surely break, break in two (spotty) or "break into little pieces"

‘Cause a text is not enough

 

Chorus 6 lines stable

 

lengths I am seeing 6,7,10,5,6,10 which is feeling to me like two uneven sets of three lines the odd lengths are not adding to the stability.

 

Suggestion to add stability  do line lengths  short long short long etc. like this.

 

Go ahead and deny me (7)

Go ahead I won’t believe you anyway (10)

Go ahead say you don’t care (7)

You know it’s ok for you to call me (10)

It’s ok if you say you care (7)

It’s ok you’re gonna need me everyday (10)

 

Cheers

 

Gary

Gary, thanks for your input. I see it would've been a big mistake to submitt that.

I couldn't get the original tune out of my head so I scratched this snippit and went with another option I had in the wings. I tweeked it  to hopefully create the unstable verse (with better line lengths) and stable chorus. Can you critique this one? thanks, I know it's almost due....

 

I used a ballad loop on this one.

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2

 

 

Title: Crying in the Rain

 

The spring rain will quench my thirst

It’s been a long time drought

I look to the clouds and shout

I can’t stand when it’s dry

These tears I need to cry

 

Chorus

Cryin in the rain

Letting the past go

Cryin in the rain

Learning how to grow

Crying in the rain

Looking for that rainbow

[Lisa Gates]

shoot, no spotlight! ughhhhh!

[snabbu]

Gary, thanks for your input. I see it would've been a big mistake to submitt that.

I couldn't get the original tune out of my head so I scratched this snippit and went with another option I had in the wings. I tweeked it to hopefully create the unstable verse (with better line lengths) and stable chorus. Can you critique this one? thanks, I know it's almost due....

I used a ballad loop on this one.

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2

Title: Crying in the Rain

The spring rain will quench my thirst

It’s been a long time drought

I look to the clouds and shout

I can’t stand when it’s dry

These tears I need to cry

Chorus

Cryin in the rain

Letting the past go

Cryin in the rain

Learning how to grow

Crying in the rain

Looking for that rainbow

The chorus is very stable

The verse is not unstable enough and no spotlight as you say.

Line lengths of 6&7 not different enough.

The trick is to build expectation and then dash said expectation to create instability and a spot light.

So long line short line long line the listener expects a short line next so you give them a long line but you resolve the short line

With your rhyme so that what comes after it is spotlighted.

Then because you have a semi resolved pattern you then put in a very short or ver long last line to throw it off balance.

Remember you are only using line length and number of lines to create stability and instability not rhyme this week

.trythis

The spring rain will quench my thirst

It’s been a long time drought

I can’t stand when it’s dry

I look to the clouds and shout at the heavens

Tears I Must cry

It's the best I can do at 5am

Cheers

Gary

Edited August 4, 2013 by snabbu

[Lisa Gates]

Gary, that is the ticket! even at 5am you are on!

Thank you. Now i hope u get mine to review!!!!

Lisa

[snabbu]

Gary, that is the ticket! even at 5am you are on!

Thank you. Now i hope u get mine to review!!!!

Lisa

You'll get 90 :-)

[Lisa Gates]

Gary, I hope I didn't screw it up by putting it to music....

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2

[snabbu]

Gary, I hope I didn't screw it up by putting it to music....

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/lisa-m-guzda-week-2

No that is sounding exactly right to me. The spotlight is there.

The chorus lyric is very nice. It's all connected and focussed.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

[Lisa Gates]

Thanks, now I can start week 3...I know you are done with it already!