An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.

snabbu · August 6, 2013

I am writing the melody as we speak. If I get I done in time good oh if not I've submitted anyway.

I've just done my reviews I have done six and no one has written tunes, disappointing.

Cheers

Gary

Lisa Gates · August 6, 2013

I flitted through my first five just to see if anyone did music for week 2 and one did. It was really cool. I could tell he was from Europe and he kind of spoke and sang the lyrics. It was about NASA and it was spacey! He did well though. I have to go back and look at the others of course but like you I wanted to see if anyone did music...

Hope you are having a super day!

snabbu · August 8, 2013

Well I've done it but I lost half my mix automation and my drums.

So all the harmonies are too loud and the drums are not there.

But it will have to do. I hated writing to an unbalanced chorus didn't feel right.

Cheers

Gary

Kel · August 8, 2013

Hi Gary and Lisa, (What is it with you and Aussie guys, Lisa?)

Is this the Pat Pattinson free course? I signed up to do it, but didn't get any reminder emails so missed the first week :-(( and the second week :-(((

Seeing you to review each other's work is great. It's what our site here is all about, in my opinion.

Even thinking about stable and unstable verses and choruses, boxes and oh my golly.... is this all stuff I do now but didn't know what it is, or don't do and should be... sheesh!

I've signed up for the Magesongs course down here, and students from that have done real well over the years. In the meantime, loving your interaction!

Kel

Lisa Gates · August 8, 2013

Hi Gary and Lisa, (What is it with you and Aussie guys, Lisa?)

Is this the Pat Pattinson free course? I signed up to do it, but didn't get any reminder emails so missed the first week :-(( and the second week :-(((

Seeing you to review each other's work is great. It's what our site here is all about, in my opinion.

Even thinking about stable and unstable verses and choruses, boxes and oh my golly.... is this all stuff I do now but didn't know what it is, or don't do and should be... sheesh!

I've signed up for the Magesongs course down here, and students from that have done real well over the years. In the meantime, loving your interaction!

Kel

Kel!

What it is with Aussie guys and me!?! I can't even say I'm drawn to the accent 'cause we're mostly just writing here....hmmmm I will ponder that some more.

You should sign up for the course for the next round. I'm learning alot. Gary is taking killer notes so read through them (or print if you can).

Lisa

Kel · August 8, 2013

Hey Gary, she needs to ask? Gosh I love a modest woman!

K

Lisa Gates · August 9, 2013

Hey Gary, she needs to ask? Gosh I love a modest woman!

K

OMG!

Lisa Gates · August 11, 2013

You are welcome Lisa. I have just posted my assignment three with notes as to what I have done and why I have done it.

10.30 p.m., yes too late for recording.

It's a good thing to copy the evaluation check list into your word processor then ask yourself if you are doing each point.

Sort of peer review of your own self if that's possible.

I have tried now to create a really unstable feeling in my chorus. Like major

I want you to yell at the speakers get out of there now or you'll wind up dead. sort of feeling. I've got subtractive then deteriorating to a

consonance rhyme. I really like that trick it's kind of cool.

Now this is so unstable but it doesn't fell like it's falling over. That last note has just got to be on an e minor chord.

I would never have written a chorus like this before doing this course.

Cheers

Gary

Gary, it's been a busy/bad week for me here. short handed at work so I can't take my computer breaks to listen to the videos this week. I forgot to do one quiz and had to guess at the answers because I only had 6 minutes to submit it...I like to procrastinate but this time I just plain ran out of time and forgot. Dang!!!!!

Thanks to you, my Week 2 Assingment was graded with a 26 (out of 30 I think?) so much better than week one...

I'm going to try to put mine to music but don't have the chours unstable enough. This is way outside my comfort zone this week!

all the best,

Lisa

Edited August 11, 2013 by lguzda

Lisa Gates · August 11, 2013

So Now it's assignment 3

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assigment-3

in this assignment, you will write a new verse and chorus, this time with a fairly stable verse and an unstable chorus, applying the new tools from this lessonâ€”rhyme scheme and rhyme type. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The verse structure is stable.

The verseâ€™s idea is appropriate for creating a stable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the verseâ€™s stability.

The chorus structure is unstable.

The chorusâ€™s idea is appropriate for creating an unstable structure.

The rhyme scheme and/or rhyme types contribute to the chorusâ€™s instability.

The verse idea sets up the chorus idea effectively.

The verse language is used effectively. It is specific and vivid.

The chorusâ€™s title is interesting.

Submission

I donâ€™t know who you are

Â© Gary Yeomans 2013

Verse

They all say I should cut out running

Cut my losses dry my tears

I never ever see it coming

Even after all these years

Chorus

I donâ€™t know why I still do it

I feel the pain, and I know the fear

Itâ€™s like youâ€™ve locked me in, now Iâ€™m a lifer

Your words cut me like a rusty knife

I donâ€™t know who you are

Notes

The song idea is the difference between what is sensible to do in certain circumstances and what your emotions tell you, you should do, and how they are different.

The verse idea the calm facts set up the emotional chorus as a contrast. You know she should go but you kind of understand why she doesnâ€™t.

The verse structure is four lines; alternate lines are of equal length. Nine syllables, seven syllables, nine syllables, seven syllables. The even number of lines and the even line lengths make this structure stable.

The verse idea is the statement of facts as to what one should do in an abusive relationship. The stability of the structure allows the narrator to state calmly that she should just leave. Just the facts. This enables the practical facts to be stated so they can be contrasted with the emotive chorus. It enables the listener to easily accept and agree with these facts.

The rhyme scheme of the verse is ABAB which supports the stability created by the even line numbers and lengths.

The rhyme types are Perfect â€œTears / yearsâ€ and family (nasals) â€œRunning / comingâ€

These rhyme types further support the stable feeling of the verse.

The chorus structure is five lines; of uneven lengths. The line lengths increase towards the middle and then decrease towards the end.

The five lines create instability, which is supported by the uneven line lengths. The shortening line lengths towards the end of the chorus create restless motion.

The chorus idea is an emotional response to exactly the same circumstance as the factual response in the verse. The idea is to contrast the two. The chorus needs to be unstable to show the irrationality of emotions. In the end the listener can understand both responses, and understands things are not always black and white.

The chorus rhyme scheme is unstable being ABBA with a non-rhyming line in front to make it XABBA. This enhances the instability established by the uneven line lengths.

The chorus rhyme types get less and less resolved as the chorus continues I am trying to create an emotion of getting more and more lost and not knowing what to do next.

Fear/are (consonance rhyme the least resolved, and most tenuous)

Lifer/knife (subtractive rhyme)

Gary,

Are you adding the notes to your submission? it really explains the story which is so hard to create in one verse and chorus. I don't know how to make my chorus flow with out music. I read your chorus and it is choppy but when I hear it to music, I get it. I'm posting my lyrics below. Can you take a peek and see if they rhymes are correct? I know it's last minute but if you can, I'd like to know your opinion.

thanks,

Lisa

Lisa Gates · August 11, 2013

Here are the lyrics for my Week 3 assignment. I have to find a loop that matches the tune in my head.

HELP needed in the chorus? Line 3 is sung with 3 syllables does my notation reflect that ok?

Everybody

By Lisa M. Guzda

A (FAMILY RHYME) (8 SYLLABLES) When somebodyâ€™s heart is hurting

B (ADDITIVE RHYME) (5 SYLLABLES) They lash out at you

A (FAMILY) (8 SYLLABLES) Their pain makes them feel uncertain

B (ADDITIVE RHYME) (5 SYLLABLES) They canâ€™t see the truth

A (ADDITIVE RHYME) (6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels pain

B (FAMILY RHYME) (6 SYLLABLES) Everybody feels hurt

C (FAMILY RHYME) (3 SYLLABLES IN MELODY) Sometimes

A (ADDITIVE RHYME) (9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to feel that again

B (FAMILY RHYME) (9 SYLLABLES) Nobody wants to play a lead part

C (FAMILY RHYME) (3 SYLLABLES) Break the ties

X (4 SYLLABLES) Hard to be strong

I wrote this after visiting my brother. His wife was not very nice to me and I know it is because of my brotherâ€™s illness that she is hurting .

http://soundcloud.com/lisagates/everybody-week-3-assignment

Edited August 11, 2013 by lguzda

snabbu · August 12, 2013

Hi Lisa

The verse is fine.

The chorus.

The A rhyme is not additive I think it's perfect. Pain/again

If you look at the stability of rhymes and schemes.

First the scheme. The most unstable scheme is abba

You have seven lines which makes this the most unstable I can think of.

ABBACBC

In addition you should not use perfect family or additives in the chorus

Use subtractives (less stable) assonance and consonance

So here it is with the most tenuous of rhymes.

Everybody feels it, this is so painful A

Everybody gets hurt B

Nobody wants to play a lead part B (consonance)

Nobody wants to feel that again A (subtractive)

Do we break the ties C

So hard to be strong I'm beat B (consonance)

Sometimes C (consonance)

Now if you didn't know better you would think there were no rhymes there at all.

The subject matter in the chorus suits instability.

So when you put this in say your verse is explains the facts of the matter hence suitability to be stable.

The chorus deals with the emotion. The song contrasts the two.

Sorry to hear about this family stuff but you do know that emotions are not rational.

So her nastyness to you is because your not sick and your brother is.

I don't know how you deal with that,rationalise and get over it like I did, or whatever gets you bye.

Cheers

Gary

snabbu · August 12, 2013

Gary,

Are you adding the notes to your submission? it really explains the story which is so hard to create in one verse and chorus. I don't know how to make my chorus flow with out music. I read your chorus and it is choppy but when I hear it to music, I get it. I'm posting my lyrics below. Can you take a peek and see if they rhymes are correct? I know it's last minute but if you can, I'd like to know your opinion.

thanks,

Lisa

I had really bad trouble trying to write a chorus tune to this choppy lyric.

I am adding notes because I am concerned te peer reviewers are not up to speed.

So I'm spoon feeding them what I've done. Which covers every point on the checklist.

Cheers

Gary

snabbu · August 12, 2013

Gary, it's been a busy/bad week for me here. short handed at work so I can't take my computer breaks to listen to the videos this week. I forgot to do one quiz and had to guess at the answers because I only had 6 minutes to submit it...I like to procrastinate but this time I just plain ran out of time and forgot. Dang!!!!!

Thanks to you, my Week 2 Assingment was graded with a 26 (out of 30 I think?) so much better than week one...

I'm going to try to put mine to music but don't have the chours unstable enough. This is way outside my comfort zone this week!

all the best,

Lisa

I've got a Wog so I have watched the videos on TV but not done notes or quizzes this week. I was a bit disappointed in my mark.

26.5 out of thirty. Only 2.5 out of five for my spotlight which if I say so myself was not too shabby.

Anyway not too worry it's the doing of them that matters.

Cheers

Gary

Lisa Gates · August 13, 2013

I've got a Wog so I have watched the videos on TV but not done notes or quizzes this week. I was a bit disappointed in my mark.

26.5 out of thirty. Only 2.5 out of five for my spotlight which if I say so myself was not too shabby.

Anyway not too worry it's the doing of them that matters.

Cheers

Gary

Gary, I looked up Wog and I thought I'd find it meant you weren't feeling well (we say we've got a bug as in a stomach bug) but the Urban Dictionary had another description that doesn't match what you said so...what are you saying?

About the notes, it's only Tuesday and you can still post notes cause it's only Monday here in the states and the UK! ha ha ha! I love that 14 hours!

I was happy with my 26 for Week 2 because my peers were so bad to me in week 1...I guess this week won't win me any points either. BLAH! I think I'll download these videos like Mahesh pointed out and go over them when I'm done with these 6 weeks and get better understanding of these new tools. I mean really?, did Bob Dylan actually know about family rhymes and multi syllables? I doubt it...

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on my chorus...yes that would've been better and I could've changed the melody a bit to make it work.

I hope you feel ok...?

All the best,

Lisa

Lisa Gates · August 13, 2013

Hi Lisa

The verse is fine.

The chorus.

The A rhyme is not additive I think it's perfect. Pain/again

If you look at the stability of rhymes and schemes.

First the scheme. The most unstable scheme is abba

You have seven lines which makes this the most unstable I can think of.

ABBACBC

In addition you should not use perfect family or additives in the chorus

Use subtractives (less stable) assonance and consonance

So here it is with the most tenuous of rhymes.

Everybody feels it, this is so painful A

Everybody gets hurt B

Nobody wants to play a lead part B (consonance)

Nobody wants to feel that again A (subtractive)

Do we break the ties C

So hard to be strong I'm beat B (consonance)

Sometimes C (consonance)

Now if you didn't know better you would think there were no rhymes there at all.

The subject matter in the chorus suits instability.

So when you put this in say your verse is explains the facts of the matter hence suitability to be stable.

The chorus deals with the emotion. The song contrasts the two.

Sorry to hear about this family stuff but you do know that emotions are not rational.

So her nastyness to you is because your not sick and your brother is.

I don't know how you deal with that,rationalise and get over it like I did, or whatever gets you bye.

Cheers

Gary

Gary,

I deal with it by writing about it. I have one song that is simply entiled "Anger" about my lack of control of my brother's cancer. I wish screaming or crying could help but it does not.

I see you know all about this and I'm sorry you had to go through it.

Chin up. somehow....

Lisa

Kel · August 13, 2013

Hi Lisa,

Lisa,

I thought that terminology might throw you, but you had it right, Gary is feeling unwell, probably with flu like symptoms.

The term Wog is not used much in PC aware Australia, however ther term is proudly used by Australians with Greek heritage in particular. Wog is/was a racist term used to describe migrants typically of Mediterranean background. Originally, English colonial administrators would clothe Egyptian workers in government supplied apparel (uniforms) with WOG on the back to denote they were a Worker Of Government. I don't know when the term came to Australia but it did.

When I was in highschool in the western suburbs of Sydney, we had a sparse mix of ethnicities, primarily anglo-saxon, Greek and Italian.

Our school had two unofficial mottos:

"I hate 2 things, race prejudice, and wogs!"

and the less salubrious:

"Anyone who would root a wog is too lazy to mastubate!"

Granville was never known for it's delicacy. (root=screw, fornicate, etc)

Anyway, now you know about Wog, and it's definitely not a Kelism!

Kel

PS Look online or in your video shop for a movie called Wogboy or a television series called Acropolis Now. They are all about "wog" culture and hillarious.

Edited August 13, 2013 by Kel

snabbu · August 14, 2013

Hi Lisa

As kel has explained I have flue like symptoms but with no head cold.

The other meaning of Wog I would not uses unless I was talking to a mate in pub who had Greek or Italian heritage.

Where I might say "listen here you wog bastard" he in reply might refer to me as a skippy. This is all done in good humour.

So although it may appear I am racially vilifying and casting parental aspersions but I am not, it is wierd. But Australians are a wierd mob. Now if you want to delve deeper into this strange culture the movie is on you tube here https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=they're%20a%20weird%20mob&source=web&cd=14&ved=0CF4QtwIwDQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWTuL3XnZpoQ&ei=xvgLUvvgB-SyiAfu3YDgDw&usg=AFQjCNEkTqIhQVfvd0Z1ApCVm6qZMDH1dQ&sig2=lx2BMuJqDV0H0V03VDA32w&bvm=bv.50723672,d.aGc

This of course is in the old days before we all became so politically correct, now if you comment on a Sheila's looks your a mysogynist.

Anyway I am out of my malaise and will do some course work today.

I just looked at that URL it looks strange if it doesn't work do "they're a weird mob" in google

Cheers

Gary

snabbu · August 15, 2013

Assignment four

In this assignment, you will analyze the verse and chorus you wrote in week 3 for stressed and unstressed syllables. You will then set your lyrics against a drum or music loop. Fellow students will evaluate your assignment based on the criteria below. Use them as a checklist in reviewing your own work.

The stressed and unstressed syllables are marked accurately.

The stressed and unstressed syllables are set accurately to melodic rhythm.

The result sounds natural. The setting preserves the natural shape of the language.

The setting places the most important words in the strongest musical positions.

Post your verse and chorus that you wrote last week, indicating where the stressed and unstressed syllables are. Above each line, mark the stressed syllables with forward slashes ( / ) and unstressed syllables with dashes (-), like this:

/ - - - /

Humming through the walls

Then, using either a simple drum loop (a few are provided in the Resources section of the class site), one of the musical loops provided (again in the Resources section), or music of your own, record yourself speaking or singing your lyrics, matching your syllabic rhythm as perfectly as you can to melodic rhythm. PRESERVE THE NATURAL SHAPE OF THE LANGUAGE by placing your stressed syllables in stronger positions in the bar, and your unstressed syllables in weaker positions in the bar.

Post your recording to SoundCloud (see the Resources section for information on posting files to SoundCloud), and submit a link to it.

https://soundcloud.com/snabbu/assingment-week-four

I donâ€™t know who you are

Verse

- - / - - / - / -

They all say I should cut out running

/ - / - / - /

Cut my losses dry my tears

- / - / - / - / -

I never ever see it coming

/ - / - - - /

Even after all these years

Chorus

- / / / - / / -

I donâ€™t know why I still do it

- / - / - - / - /

I feel the pain, and I know the fear

/ / / / - - / - - / -

Itâ€™s like youâ€™ve locked me in, now Iâ€™m a lifer

- / / - / - / - /

Your words cut me like a rusty knife

- / / - - /

I donâ€™t know who you are

Edited August 16, 2013 by snabbu

Lisa Gates · August 16, 2013

Glad you're feeling better Gary!

I've learned so much recently...not just on the Course either. My eyes are really opening!

I will look at week 4 assignment you have above in the morning when I'm more alert!

I tried to do this for my song and it is baaaad! I can't believe how hard this is! UGH!

whine whine stomp stomp I don't want toooooo!!!!

snabbu · August 16, 2013

Yes it was quite hard and can you imagine how long it will take to do the peer reviews! Ugh!

I have now submitted it so I'm glad it's done.

Post your stress chart here and i'll check it for you.

I had to get someone to check mine then after I recorded it we decided a couple of stresses were wrong so I had to adjust it. Anyway done!! done done!!!

Oh and i've just checked assignment 3 I got 25 so that's OK. Two people got pernickety about the notes. It's our job to analyze the song. Two people liked the recording

no accounting for taste. It was horrid but i couldn't be bothered fixing it. Now I think its better as a week four thing.

Cheers

Gary

Sign In

An Adjunct To I'm Doing A Course.

Recommended Posts

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

Create an account

Sign in

Recently Browsing 0 members

Guests are always welcome...

but...

Current Donation Goals

Important Information