Fallen

[scotsman89]

J Morrison. June 2015   don't now if this could be a lyric no chorus or hook    written as it came from my head . just started writing and ended here .. couple of lines were floating round my head going nowhere .  added chorus may work may not ?

 

 

you left me in a hurry
don't know what I've done
we didn't have much money
but we're not the only ones
the bottle I tripped over
was deeper than a well
tried drinking myself sober
but it was further down I fell

 

lost my job the car
then i lost the house
how could I fall so far
in just a few months
found myself sleeping
out there on the street
the company I'm keeping
you don't want to meet

 

not long ago I had it all

now it's a big  nothing

stumbled before the fall

but I kept on falling

down but not out

and  now with help

the only way is up

 

one night a gentle hand
was reaching out for me
why I didn't understand
but I took it gratefully
she was not an angel
just a kind and gentle soul
at first it was painful
but she made me whole

 

not long ago I had it all

now it's a big nothing

stumbled before the fall

but I kept on falling

down but not out

and  now she's there

the only way is up

 

now  once more the man
I'm sure I used to be
as she holds my hand
we walk down the street
she put my broken heart
back together piece by piece
except for that part
you will always keep

 

once again I have a chance

and I'm going to take it

grab it with both my hands

yes I'm  going to make

I was down but not out

she's by my side now

the  only way is up

[Lisa Gates]

Hi John,

You could make this a chorus by changing the rhyme scheme and maybe line count to make it chorus melody friendly?:

 

one night a gentle hand
was reaching out for me
I didn't understand
but I took it gratefully
she was not an angel
just a kind and gentle soul
at first it was painful
but she made me whole

 

Then shorten this to be a bridge?

now  once more the man
I'm sure I used to be
as she holds my hand
we walk down the street
she put my broken heart
back together piece by piece
except for that part
you will always keep

 

then you could repeat the chorus or fade out on the last few lines of the bridge?

 

I like it!

Lisa

[Peggy]

Hi John,

Like this! Flows really nicely. There's a lot to work with for a chorus and Lisa has a good idea for a bridge...if you wanted to be lyrical. But a good read either way.

Peggy

[scotsman89]

Lisa  thanks for input . a story where no-one dies getting better at doing that I think LOL

 

Peggy. thanks had a couple of lines come when I was at work but had nothing to go with them so sat down started tapping the keys and this the result, so it must be right let the monkey loose and see what it comes up with LOL

 

john

[MPerry]

Hi John

 

As always a work- that reaches deep down into the gut- takes you there and back!..Nice job, heartfelt-wish it was something I could write-myself!..regards Mike

[scotsman89]

thanks Mike

your posts make people think . my ones are just ramblings compared with yours PO

 

john

[MPerry]

John

 

Thanks for the props!...but yours are more relatable and better worth someone's time!...as always, you are a consumate writer, and I appreciate that!!...so keep going, and I will keep reading!!...regards Mike

[THEHOUND]

this is probably the best I have read from you...I am impressed...right on