rap lyrics TheRevenant

[LouKramer]

If you are a friend to me help me concoct a recipe  

for my hibernation medication from reality

I’m just trying to party without thinkin bout the end of me

yeah I know this place is lit but I’m my own worst enemy

Putting on a smile and you know most times I feel it

But when that demon resurfaces you know I tend to conceal it

Too honest for confidence regarding my own competence

losing faith in hope while chasing a desert of consciousness 

Showing off my wordplay and lyrical skills 

I’m not happy with cheap thrills or cowardly kills

Lying in my bed; the grandfather clock is ticking 

Will I be a great father to feet I’ll feel kicking?

Is there an answer to life? Do we have a purpose of earth?

Did I leave the oven on? What is really my worth

All these thoughts in my head. Can they stop please?

Bouncing around so much my MRI be like swiss cheese

Hello from the outside. It’s getting kinda lonely.

I’m looking at the inside and everyone looks so cozy.

Surround myself with people cause being alone I fear it

When a tree falls in the desert man no one f*cking hears it

 

 

Roll my lazy ass out of bed 

Step in to the shower clear all thoughts from my head

I step outside; the sun feels a bit warmer

There’s bad days and good days I hope it’s not the former

Stroll down to the corner and see a buddy I knew

From back in grade 2 now I don’t feel so blue

Sleepwalking barely talking down at that 9 to 5

A passive passenger in my time on life’s ride

Going through all the motions on earth’s locomotion 

Wishing I had a genie or a good luck potion.

Felix I’m a genius I fiend for this 

Bust in breaking bones will it be a knee or wrist?

Eating up the rap game like Jhene’s groceries                                                     

Listening to 20 years back that’s the way it’s post to be 

The music is close to me but yet I feel indifferent 

Creation of motivation is very intermittent 

An intermission in life my present location 

apprehensive bout my family and destined vocation 

popping addy and dipping just to get shit done

with fun on the run my life feels done

chasing the hope that I held when I was younger  

Never had to hunger and was filled with wonder

An explorer without a map of the world

An explorer who still had his flag unfurled

But my boat set sail and reached it’s destination

And now there’s complications not to mention irritations 

I’m in contemplation bout how to solve the problem

My mind in isolation and glass half to the bottom

A shotgun blast to the head might do the trick 

But I’m too lazy so instead I’ll flick the bic

I have a feeling that I was meant to die younger

that I surpassed my prime and now am falling under

But I’ll fight the tide and I’ll survive the ride

Ain’t now way I’m giving up until I’ve died!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

[SoulHuntah]

Okay first off I think you absolutely killed it! The title caught my attention immediately and definitely fits the themes in your song - feeling of dying young or running out of life because of too much partying, feeling like a zombie/ghost? etc.

 

First two lines already hooked me and your rhyming in general is pretty good. " I’m my own worst enemy"  Really liked this part and I feel exactly the same way myself and to be honest I can relate to pretty much everything in your song or at least I think so. I did way too much partying boozing drugs etc and all way too early so now I'm 20 and all the shit I've done is catching up to me. And I feel this is also the case for you. Your lyrics are deep man and I can tell you've been through hell and you're fighting your own demons - "But when that demon resurfaces you know I tend to conceal it" Liked that part too and f*ck am I amazed at how similarly you seem to feel cause I sure as hell got my demons and I know the stuff I'm doing is killing me yet I keep on doing it and I kinda get the same message from your lyrics, almost like some kind of curse? I hope I'm not getting too sidetracked from critiquing by talking about my own life but yeah it's cause I really do relate. Also this is my first critique ever so I'm trying my best here.

 

Anyway moving on. One thing I'd say though is that your lyrics are very deep and it could be difficult for people who haven't experienced similar things to fully get the message but you're doing your own thing and so maybe this is not necessarily a bad thing at all. You definitely get points for originality there's some rhymes and words here that I haven't seen before. Another thing I'd say is that your rhyming is always two lines at a time but you could try rhyming over four lines or something.

 

"It's hard to explain

let me try to make an example

a new way to fight your pain

these rhymes were just a sample"

 

See what I mean? You could throw that kind of rhyming into your songs and it could make things more interesting. I usually use different ways of rhyming throughout my song but of course it's all up to you to decide how you wanna rhyme. Also you get points for using complex words and you seem to have a good grasp of vocabulary. Keep in mind though that some less experienced English speakers might not understand and miss some of the messages.   

 

"Lying in my bed; the grandfather clock is ticking 

Will I be a great father to feet I’ll feel kicking?" - loved this cause not only is it deep and meaningful but the "clock is ticking" doesn't simply rhyme with the next line but also once again gives that message of time running out, kinda like the clock of your life is ticking. That's the message I got from it at least and I liked it. This is also a big concern for myself so I definitely relate cause man I wanna live long enough to raise a son of my own but like you I get this feeling of dying young. Gotta hope for the best though man and fight whatever evil destiny should there be one!

 

Have you been musically influenced by Eminem? I know I have. This is not a bad thing either I'm just wondering

 

"Is there an answer to life? Do we have a purpose of earth?

Did I leave the oven on? What is really my worth" - Impressive. Especially the oven part cause it nicely contrasts all the mundane boring life stuff with the more deeper and spiritual questions of life, which by the way I too ask myself every day.

 

"Sleepwalking barely talking down at that 9 to 5

A passive passenger in my time on life’s ride" - Wasn't sure what you meant by the "down at that 9 to 5" part, I get a general message of basically feeling crappier? There might be a better way to express that though. Next line is awesome though especially "A passive passenger". I get a feeling you've been numbed by all the partying drugs and misery you've gone through and feel a bit like a zombie? Hence the title TheRevenant?

 

You're very confident in your rap and that's a good thing. 

 

 

"Eating up the rap game like Jhene’s groceries                                                     

Listening to 20 years back that’s the way it’s post to be" - Second line was that a typo were you trying to say "that’s the way it’s supposed to be"? Or did I miss something?

 

"An intermission in life my present location 

apprehensive bout my family and destined vocation 

popping addy and dipping just to get shit done

with fun on the run my life feels done" - You've got a sense of destiny about you and I really hope you will succeed and damn I really hope succeeding in music is my destiny too. I've loved music all my life. Easy on the drugs though or you might not make it  I love that shit way too fkin much too but I really gotta do something about it or it could lead to a early grave  

 

I'm not gonna go into much more detail about your other rhymes cause man honestly I think they're all good. Maybe I am a bit biased cause like I said I relate a lot to the stuff in your rap but you really did do a great job man. 

 

"A shotgun blast to the head might do the trick" - Nah man don't do that I know you've struggled and life's been a bitch to you it seems but that ain't your destiny. In lyrical terms it's good though catchy and deep.  And you seem like a lazy f*ck and once again so am I  Your rap is truth. Honesty. I love that.

 

All in all your rap is very deep and emotional which I dig. It's a constant battle between good and evil sadness and happiness that's the way I see it. I personally like this type of stuff but some people might be brought down by the negative aspects but you should keep doing it pretty much the way you're doing it in my opinion. Cause you gotta be truthful even if the truth sucks. Of course there is room for improvement and I hope I helped you at least a little bit. You definitely helped me and even inspired me. These were awesome lyrics to do my first critique on and I hope it was useful. Hopefully you'll appreciate my long and thorough critique and remember to check out some of my stuff once I post it all  

 

Keep up the good work mate and all the best to you.

Keep fighting!

 

-Soul signing off