Can I get some feedback on my first rhyme that I have wrote.Be as honest as you can

[Alex Ryan]

Can someone please give me feedback on my lyrics
This is my first time writing btw:

 

Sorry for being f*cked up
Sorry for being a disgrace
But in this life I'm living I'm so goddamn misplaced
Trying to keep a straight face
To all these demons in my life that make my heart pace
 Am I being outpaced
Or is this life just one big f*cking waste
Questions flowing through my mind that make me sick to the waist
Struggles in my life that I have faced
Have left me truly unbraced
To what is truly going on in this one big f*ckin race
Always been degraded
And feeling like I'm faded
Being easily swayed
By fakes who want to lead my life astray
Options being weighed
Life's being played
Consequences paid
Minds being sprayed
Thinking bout the blade
Feeling like a grenade
Willing to erupt at any given stage
But my true sense of worth is starting to engage
Thoughts starting to arrange
Saying that I will never be deranged
Life's starting to change
Putting myself at close range
Cause nothing in my life will never be exchanged

[Guest Jenn]

I won't comment on the meaning behind the words, but as a writer, have some fun with the words.

Not every line needs to end in a rhyme. The rhymed word can be used in the middle of a sentence which can then flip to the next rhyme. 

For example.... mm..

When I was young I used to have a cat

His name was Tiger and he was fat

All the days he sat I sat with him

Cause it's the happiest I've ever been

 

Hahaha.. Fantastic story. But you see how I transitioned it? It's really fun to get 'clever' rhymes that way. Also using slant rhymes.

 

Another note, be careful of your syllables. You don't have to use set syllables, but it will make it easier to put to music melodically.

 

Also, "Sorry for being f*cked up" doesn't rhyme with any other line. Therefore, it should be a really important line because since it doesn't rhyme, the listener will pick up on it as it stands out. 

So figure out the best place to have a real impact. 

[outss]

The rhymes actually flow pretty neatly. For a beginner i would expect u to be stretching and shit, but nah the rhymes go well. Rhymes also dont have to be super complex, i like the simplicity of this as it contains alot of emotion. You get the message across well, which is what rhymes are meant to do in a song. Keep it up man would love to hear u in a audio drop. Peace