content New Content - Hooked

[Larritza]

Hooked

 

 

There’re demons inside of me

They want to take over my life

They’re leached inside of me,

You can see them through my eyes

 

These thoughts of desperation

Are ruling my existence

I just want to make it out

Without losing my patience

 

What can I do to reclaim what’s left of it?

If when life gives you lemons

Are we not supposed to make lemonade?

 

Please tell me I have one more chance

One more chance to make this right

If I’m just another human

Who’s running out of lines

 

And as I beg for forgiveness

I’ll ask you to listen to me

Hear the story of my life

Listen to it one more time

 

I’ve been taught about love

I’ve been taught about hate

What it’s to be Loyal and be betrayed

But life has never taught me

About finding myself

 

And I stand strong against my battles

Not ready to quit the game

I just want to show you

How much I care about this matter

 

And I wish I could hear from you

That you’ll be here until the end

Until I get my act on track

And I get back on my life path

 

I am trying one last time

Before I give up everything

One more time I’ll do it for you

One more time, this, I swear is true

 

By:  L. Leon-Elias

[jhanover]

The one problem is the pacing for me. If you were to maybe try the theme through different forms of poetry or use maybe an alternating rhyme scheme just to keep it flowing a little smoother. It helps sometimes to read out loud not just by yourself but at an open mic, you can get some good feedback and hear how it sounds.

[Larritza]

On 6/19/2018 at 10:21 AM, jhanover said:

The one problem is the pacing for me. If you were to maybe try the theme through different forms of poetry or use maybe an alternating rhyme scheme just to keep it flowing a little smoother. It helps sometimes to read out loud not just by yourself but at an open mic, you can get some good feedback and hear how it sounds.

 

Thank you. I'll do that!

[Patrick Metheny]

On 2/7/2018 at 2:38 PM, Larritza said:

These thoughts of desperation

Are ruling my existence

I just want to make it out

Without losing my patience

What if instead of..

Without losing my patience..it was

But I get so much resistance?

 

I agree with the above post...you want your poetry to flow.  Writing to me is like having a baby...You love it but before they grow into the perfect child you have to clean alot of shit...take things out ,put things in, change words here and there ...but it makes all the difference in the world. Keep it up dude!