A letter to my Lover

[Larritza]

I wanted this to be lyrics for a song but it feels more like a poem.  Comments, questions, suggestions are all welcome.  

 

_A Letter to my lover_

 

I write a letter to my lover

As I’m sitting all alone

Thinking about our future

The long road ahead of us

 

A love note to my lover

The one and only, king of my world

Our journey has not been easy

But it has been one filled with love

 

I write letter to my lover

My day has not been the best

But he still gives me inspiration

Just what I need for the day

 

“Baby I am an amateur

In this thing called love

But darling I swear I’m trying

To make this relationship work

Without you my days never see

The sun shine bright

Keep loving me the way you do

Make my heart smile”

 

These verses may look messy

And might not make any sense

Just like young love acts

At its senior years best

 

But it’s the way it works for us

It’s crazy and sometimes worst

For us love is not a definite

It’s our hardest load of work

 

I write a letter to my lover

The only thing I have to offer

He knows these words are worth

As much as we love each other

 

L. Leon-Elias

[jhanover]

It's a great start. You are working with a familiar theme as seen in countless songs and poems. You keep reminding the reader that you are writing the letter, but why not imply the symbolism and emotion? Like I want to write a letter, to I'm writing the letter, to I've written you a letter and the emotions behind those actions. As a very rough example:

" I wanted to write you a letter my lover

Still not sure what to say

Can count all the reasons like stars

Who hide from this new day

 

I'm writing you a letter my lover

Can dream about your touch

As the morning burns away

Oh how I miss you so much

 

I wrote you a letter my lover

Not sure when to send

Sealed with a gentle kiss

I want you back when the work day ends "

 

A little on the forced rhyme side but a little journey. Sometimes that is a way of offering up something different to get the reader in and keep them in.