As time goes by

[Stellarmystery]

❤️ Hey guys ❤️

I'm back with my second song. I decided to make it something comical, childish. Or it may have honestly just turned out like that. So please enjoy and state in the comments what I could improve in my song writing. 

❤️ Bai~

 

(v1)

I lie awake

at midnight time

11:58

Alone

Trying to peer into the darkness

filled with eerie silence

tik tik tok

then came the loud sound

from the old clock in the hall

the clock had struck 12

and the little tiny bird appeared

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

an hour had already passed by

 

(v2)

It is now 1AM

And i'm still wide awake

Struggling to process life

Worrying about how to “step forward,”

Between my thoughts

I could hear the cats fighting

in the  near valleys

Atleast they are fighting together

But what am I doing?

So useless huh

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v3)

It is now 3 AM

and I'm surrounded by pitch black

3-4 in the morning is known as devils hour

I can see the red eyes staring at me

they must be wondering

"what is wrong with this little girl"

who has a whole life ahead of her unlike them

I'm neither big nor smart

SO I'd rather you not ask me

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

3 hours had already passed by

 

(v4)

It is now 6AM

And I still had not slept

I can now hear the roosters in my mind

When I stayed in the countryside

they woke me up daily

Now I miss such pleasure

and company

What am I to do with life right now?

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v5)

It is now 8AM

And I opened my eyes

I realized

That I was really never awake

This whole time

being awake at night

was just a dream

I got out off my bed

And went to make a coffee

while walking I was thinking

"What a weird dream!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MikeRobinson]

Well ... "while I am certainly, keenly, interested in your various images (and metaphors), at no point can I say that I honestly can "see it."

 

Here's a thought – "maybe, right now, you are trying to approach me as a poetic storyteller."  The media-in-question therefore of course being: "the printed page, such as the sheet of paper in front of you."

 

Right now, "your lyric is telling me."  Perfectly fine for a poet – not-so for a lyric that is meant to be sung.  Not-so for ... "a piece of audio-only theater."

 

"And so, I am your theater-goer.  But there is no stage for me to see."

 

An entirely different set of demands for a poet.

[Cody]

I kinda want to hear this....

dont worry so hard about your writes

 

[ajiesh anto]

On 5/9/2020 at 9:21 AM, Stellarmystery said:

❤️ Hey guys ❤️

I'm back with my second song. I decided to make it something comical, childish. Or it may have honestly just turned out like that. So please enjoy and state in the comments what I could improve in my song writing. 

❤️ Bai~

 

(v1)

I lie awake

at midnight time

11:58

Alone

Trying to peer into the darkness

filled with eerie silence

tik tik tok

then came the loud sound

from the old clock in the hall

the clock had struck 12

and the little tiny bird appeared

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

an hour had already passed by

 

(v2)

It is now 1AM

And i'm still wide awake

Struggling to process life

Worrying about how to “step forward,”

Between my thoughts

I could hear the cats fighting

in the  near valleys

Atleast they are fighting together

But what am I doing?

So useless huh

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v3)

It is now 3 AM

and I'm surrounded by pitch black

3-4 in the morning is known as devils hour

I can see the red eyes staring at me

they must be wondering

"what is wrong with this little girl"

who has a whole life ahead of her unlike them

I'm neither big nor smart

SO I'd rather you not ask me

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

3 hours had already passed by

 

(v4)

It is now 6AM

And I still had not slept

I can now hear the roosters in my mind

When I stayed in the countryside

they woke me up daily

Now I miss such pleasure

and company

What am I to do with life right now?

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v5)

It is now 8AM

And I opened my eyes

I realized

That I was really never awake

This whole time

being awake at night

was just a dream

I got out off my bed

And went to make a coffee

while walking I was thinking

"What a weird dream!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nice one , very imaginative and most of us may experienced this in different ways i think

keep it up

Jacob Ajiesh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Stellarmystery]

On 5/26/2020 at 10:18 AM, ajiesh anto said:

 

Thanks!

[Mac Wilkey]

On 5/25/2020 at 11:48 PM, ajiesh anto said:

(v1)

I lie awake

at midnight time

11:58

Alone

Trying to peer into the darkness

filled with eerie silence

tik tik tok

then came the loud sound

from the old clock in the hall

the clock had struck 12

and the little tiny bird appeared

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

an hour had already passed by

 

(v2)

It is now 1AM

And i'm still wide awake

Struggling to process life

Worrying about how to “step forward,”

Between my thoughts

I could hear the cats fighting

in the  near valleys

Atleast they are fighting together

But what am I doing?

So useless huh

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v3)

It is now 3 AM

and I'm surrounded by pitch black

3-4 in the morning is known as devils hour

I can see the red eyes staring at me

they must be wondering

"what is wrong with this little girl"

who has a whole life ahead of her unlike them

I'm neither big nor smart

SO I'd rather you not ask me

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

3 hours had already passed by

 

(v4)

It is now 6AM

And I still had not slept

I can now hear the roosters in my mind

When I stayed in the countryside

they woke me up daily

Now I miss such pleasure

and company

What am I to do with life right now?

 

(Chorus)

Time passes by quickly

second by second

minute by minute

and now without realizing

2 hours had already passed by

 

(v5)

It is now 8AM

And I opened my eyes

I realized

That I was really never awake

This whole time

being awake at night

was just a dream

I got out off my bed

And went to make a coffee

while walking I was thinking

"What a weird dream!"

Well there haven't many many other new song posts and somehow I missed this when I went through the forums during my first few weeks here.  Jacob likes it and he has a good ear. I intended only to comment if I had a suggested improvement or something seemed really off.  NO COMMENT.  Good Job