One Way to Write a Story-Based Song

[deArch]

I want to describe the process I’m using to write a story based song. Just the lyrics for now. Granted I don’t have standing in the community as an established lyricist but this might help someone who is just starting to write and doesn’t know how to start. This is ONE way

 

The idea for the story is based on a story I believe is true. The revised premise is that an average looking woman shows up at a bar where her husband has been hitting on the women all evening. He-Ain’t-Handsome  is about to go home when a new woman comes in. She’s made up to the nines and looks VERY good to him. 
 

My next post will describe how I chose to start writing the song. Anyone else is free to start writing along side me. We can be clear on who’s posting what or they can start a new post with a similar title. Anyone want to play?  Game On

[Cody]

On 6/19/2020 at 9:03 AM, deArch said:

. Granted I don’t have standing in the community as an established lyricist but this might help someone who is just starting to write and doesn’t know how to start. This is ONE way

 

 

How dare you be so presumptuous as to think you know what you're doing!   I think I need a list of accolades and awards! Who/what do you know? hah

[deArch]

@cody  @Patchez I haven’t added to this post because I’ve actually been working with a musician on a song. That is work. He took my lyrics. Gave me music. Sang my lyrics. He was forcing lyrics so I say give me music with na n na n na na’s. He does. 😢 I rewrite lyrics but put a couple of n nas in. Plus I lost my bite/edge when trying so hard to match na n nas. So I rewrite again. Get my edge back. Match the na n nas. Since he’s on a different continent he should have new version ready my morning. Glenn Campbell song (new version by morning) You like him cody. Didn’t think so. I may post  music spread sheet with na n nas as column heading and v1 v2 bridge v3 as rows. I’m tickled with our progress. You both will understand. Maybe @MikeRobinson will  be glad for me as well. And @Peggy who is so encouraging. 

[john]

3 hours ago, deArch said:

@cody  @Patchez I haven’t added to this post because I’ve actually been working with a musician on a song. That is work. He took my lyrics. Gave me music. Sang my lyrics. He was forcing lyrics so I say give me music with na n na n na na’s. He does. 😢 I rewrite lyrics but put a couple of n nas in. Plus I lost my bite/edge when trying so hard to match na n nas. So I rewrite again. Get my edge back. Match the na n nas. Since he’s on a different continent he should have new version ready my morning. Glenn Campbell song (new version by morning) You like him cody. Didn’t think so. I may post  music spread sheet with na n nas as column heading and v1 v2 bridge v3 as rows. I’m tickled with our progress. You both will understand. Maybe @MikeRobinson will  be glad for me as well. And @Peggy who is so encouraging. 

Well I for one am interested in your next steps in your process. What different people do interests me. That aside, the resulting discussion can be illuminating.

 

I am guessing one or more posts have been deleted? From Cody’s one post I, it looks like he was being sarcastic in order to respond to your own self-deprecating presentation of being dubiously worthy to present your process. Ie of course you can share your process.. I don’t know about Patchez opinion, it isn’t here to see.

 

To be honest, you haven’t written up your process for me to comment on, simply stated an idea. An idea is not a process, so how could I have an process related opinion built upon a lyric idea.

 

I for one would prefer to talk about your actual ideas, processes, methods and tools. You do not need to be “somebody” to have a valid opinion. By stating your process, the resulting discussion might help others, but equally you might learn something. That’s how discussion works

 

So.... what do you do to evolve your lyric idea?

 

Cheers

 

John

[deArch]

So my next step is to get my story down to the melody in my head. It’s easier for me if I pick a melody I really like because it’s (gentle) in my mind and the hit songs lyrics are a basic template I can hang my own words on. I would probably use YouTube to get the lyrics and write them down on a piece of paper. For CR reasons I will just post the na n nas here with some notations 

[deArch]

@john hectic at my house. 3 things going on 1- this song development thread 2- another separate song that’s taking a lot of time. 3 - support I’m geting from cody and patchez on a thread called reciprocal mentoring. 4- (can I not count- actually this one is FINISHED for me) a thread of mine where snaffu smash mouthed my lyrics and led me to ignore him. 
 

so glad to have @john on board. His opinions are always treasured by me

[Cody]

@john yeah, very sarcastic(I know...next to impossible to convey in type), and didn't want to see this buried under either.

 

I'm always intrigued in anyone and everyone's process as well, as I don't really have one....and there's always something to be learned from anybodies ideas/experiences.  

 

@deArch Glenn Campbell is alright  he's for sure done some respect worthy stuff, even if I don't have it in my listening rotation  \

2 hours ago, Patchez said:

 cheers! 🍻 🍺 

 

 

[deArch]

I got my method autocorrected by oldies radio this morning. I had been going to use a chorus-assisted template for lyric development. I doubt that my terminology meets Lord Snafficogagus’ approval but that doesn’t matter at all   I worry more about @Cody blessing right now. Instead I heard one of my old favorites that had chorus-led Lyric. Since this a song writing forum I’ll explain what I mean. Next post. Busy guy

[deArch]

8 hours ago, Patchez said:

enough to satisfy me

[deArch]

Definitions:

 

chorus-led lyrics:  The chorus is the message and is most likely all you remember about the song. Examples:  Do You Want to Go to Heaven, Delta Dawn, What’s Your Mama’s Name Child. These may not even be the titles but that reinforces my definition. It’s all you remember

 

chorus-assisted:  The verses carry the story. The chorus may provide some continuity or only be near the end much like an afterthought  I think The Gambler is an example of a chorus assisted lyric. It’s chorus doesn’t permeate the whole song. It’s perhaps the catchiest part of the song. But only helps the story along

 

progressive chorus and other chorus terminology is beyond the scope of my thread. @Patchez I accept your explanation. 

 

Whats Your Mama’s Name Child will be the template for my lyric 

 

My chorus:

My you sure are pretty

Nice to meet you too

I know what you’re looking for

Doubt that I will do

 

I’ll be on the outside

When your looking’s through

I’d be proud to take you home

If you think I’ll do

[deArch]

To fully understand the chorus you would have to 1) be familiar with an earlier defunded post or 2) allow me to explain via my verses. 
The template for the verses will be You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me Lucille

 

NOW you’re all thinking Snaffu was right. THIS is no way to write lyrics. Yes it is  It’s one way because lyrics will result. I had originally intended to use Lucille’s chorus as my chorus template. I think Lucille is a chorus-assisted lyric. You may only sing the chorus when you think of the song but the mental images you remember when the singer is in the motel room having second thought. ENOUGH FOR NOW. IF ANYONE READS FURTHER I’ll start on verse 1 and explain my thought process

[Cody]

Still reading  

 

the chorus v verse driven/assisted storytelling is interesting food for thought.......something I'd never given much thought to.  Tired now, long day, no thinking planned for the near future    

[deArch]

Chorus labels: I’m not sure if it’s even significant. For me it prompted me to writr a chorus that could be used early and often. The story line is revealed in the chorus. 
 

For those who haven’t been keeping up with another nearby thread. The story chronologically starts with the not-so-handsome husband watching his wife walk by a barber shop Embarrassed that she’s not at looker’ he remarks”She’s not pretty but she would do. @MikeRobinson I am fictionalizing the story at this point. As you’ve pointed out the documented portion (preceding) might as well be considered fiction as well

 

So months or years pass. The man resorts to spending time at bars. He rarely gets lucky. On one such night his wife walks in all made up and looking pretty good. He figures out its her after his heart has already started racing. He has an I’ve been a crappy husband moment and decides to make amends. With more class than most of us possess THE CHORUS occurs. She takes him home exhibiting more class than he has a right to expect. Three verses. V1: Description of him at the bar and her walking in V2: Return to the past at the barber shop. V3: she leaves the bar and picks up her old man. I KNOW. SOMETHING SIMILAR HAS BEEN DONE. just not as good as this is going to be

[Cody]

Got me interested, and I'm no drama/ rom-com fan, but I hope she rocks his world then leaves him!  

[deArch]

I hope I haven’t confused everyone. What I want to use out of Lucille is the story line. Not the notes and the sequence of da d da d das. I’ll still keep that consistent with WYMNC-WYNN as in the chorus 

 

That song had a first verse of 8 lines which followed the OPENING chorus

 

“Thirty some odd years ago 

“The young man came to Memphis

”Asking about a rose that used

”To bloom inside his world”

 

”People never Took the time

“To mind the young mans question

“Until they heard him ask a

”Little green eyed girl”

 

NOTICE how the verse is just beginning to answer the question you might have after listening to the chorus. It ends by slowing the tempo and introducing THE LITTLE GREEN EYED GIRL

 

My first will do the same. It will bring Vince and the fixed up version of his wife to the same location. But unlike WYMNC I will follow the woman into the barroom LIKE LUCILLE does

 

ive got that verse written and will post it next time. I’m wondering now if I should lead with the chorus. I think I could do that but it would reduce the drama of the first verse which will end with

She hadn’t been inside before

BUT THEY ALL NEW HER NAME

[deArch]

Verse 1. 8 lines. I have to get the wife in to a barstool. Have her noticed. Have her state her objective (with a look ) and have vince come over. 
 

I wanted to have somebody pull the plug to the juke box but only 8 lines. Have to do it in verse 2

v1

Twenty some odd men looked up

The woman crossed the barroom 

She hadn’t been inside before

But they all new her name

 

NOTE You have to look ahead to the rhyming word at the end: game, same, blame could all easily fit so I move on. She needs to make sure they know she’s looking for a man—anyone but Vince

 

i like the idea of starting with twenty some odd again. My alternative was to mention Vince by name. Here goes:

 

Twenty some odd looks she gave

The men inside the barroom

Her eyes said come on if you dare

Just one man played her game

 

That sets me up for the chorus. We don’t really know that it’s Vince because he hasn’t been introduced. The words he speaks (the chorus) don’t completely clear up the mystery and are a little strange sounding if we don’t know they are already man and wife

[deArch]

But we’re going to here them a couple more times

On 6/23/2020 at 7:40 PM, deArch said:

 

My chorus:

My you sure are pretty

Nice to meet you too

I know what you’re looking for

Doubt that I will do

 

I’ll be on the outside

When your looking’s through

I’d be proud to take you home

If you think I’ll do

The chorus here is  Vince speaking to Kathy his wife sitting on a barstool obviously looking for a good time with any other man. Verse 2 gives the background and gets Vince out of the way so Kathy can pick up a man. The background story is known by all twenty some odd men who may have laughed engender they first heard it. Now they may be thinking Vince is giving them a green light. In a way he is.

 

v2

Twenty some odd men watched Vince

A man they’d known for ages

They also knew the words he said

That made his Kathy’s cry

 

Shes not much pretty but she’ll do

He’d told them at the barber’s

Now as he left he saw their stares

The lust in every eye

 

Repeat Chorus or progressive chorus?

 

This could be one or more of the men repeating what Vince had said.  If we’re using Lucille’s sequence, it could be the men recalling what he’d said

 

Verse 3 will tell the story—hopefully a more satisfying ending than the one in Lucille
 

[deArch]

Verse 3 clears up any mystery. The words were vince’s being recalled

 

v3

Twenty some odd men recalled

Those words that Vince had spoken

Someone pulled the jukebox box plug

So everyone could hear

 

She smiled and said No Thank You

I think he’s learned his lesson 

None of you will ever do

Left ringing in their ears

 

Repeat chorus or progressive chorus?

This time it needs to be progressive. They’re both outside and the men inside have been dismissed

Chorus 2

Kathy you look pretty

Those men all thought so too

Your just what they were looking for

All of them would do

 

Anything you wanted

They’d have done for you

I’m so proud to take you home and

Look awhile at you

After it’s complete I sing it over and over. More often than not I think of something that will sound better or maybe just sing better 

 

Thanks for following if you did

[MikeRobinson]

The beauty of storytelling is that "it can actually be anything you want."  Because, as a storyteller, you control both the entrance and the exit to your chosen "song world."

 

First, set up the ten-pins:

 

“Thirty some odd years ago 

“The young man came to Memphis

”Asking about a rose that used

”To bloom inside his world”

 

Then, knock 'em down:

 

”People never Took the time

“To mind the young man's question

“Until they heard him ask a

”Little green eyed girl”

 

"Then ... ?!?!"

 

Well, having set-up the situation so clearly, the audience is sitting on the edge of their chairs.  They have a variety of things to think about:  "what's the rose?" "who's the green-eyed girl?"  And yet you, as the penultimate storyteller, need never explain just how exactly you "put them all up to it."  You need not reveal how the storyteller's trick was done.