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That Blue


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That blue...that sweet, territorial blue. 
It's like I was here before... no.. no.. no.. 
I was someone else and you were too.
Feeling what we could to fight that deafening blue.
 
That...blue... you couldn't try to listen... if you wanted to. 
That blue... that sweet, territorial blue. 
 
The color of our blood coursing through our veins, 
reminding us of the life we are supposed to be living....
until we forget just how to be forgiving.... 
 
That blue... that sweet, territorial blue.
The blue of the flesh when the cold wins the war.
 
That...blue...that sweet, territorial blue....
 
Ryanne Cloyd 07/19/20
 
 
-This is unfinished... came to me tonight. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks. 
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  • 4 weeks later...

I do really like the imagery in this! 

correlating the color with other traits is well done  deafening/territorial/etc.....

personally I'd expound on that some more!

 

this as is sits pretty nicely as a poem, don't go getting all worried about verses and choruses :D

 

nicely done! would love to hear it!

will it smell blue? ;) 

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  • 5 weeks later...

@Patchez I write lyrics and I can hear the music in my head. I have never done anything on a professional level. I would be open to collaborating with people. I have missed writing for sometime. Life gets busy. I am trying to make more time for it though. 

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@CodyThank you for your feed back. I may add or take from it yet. If an idea comes to me, I've found that it is important to put it down right away as not to forget it. I won't go too crazy into adding too much as I think that would fog it up. 

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On 9/15/2020 at 9:23 PM, RyanneLaRaye said:

@CodyThank you for your feed back. I may add or take from it yet. If an idea comes to me, I've found that it is important to put it down right away as not to forget it. I won't go too crazy into adding too much as I think that would fog it up. 

Yup, same here even if I forget where I might of posted something written I can most the time at least remember I did somewhere even if not what its content was hahah.  A lot easier to lose paper :) I'm terrible with notebooks, and have even tried to buy expensive ones thinking that would help........nope, just even more mad when I inevitably lose them too :) 

 

and kind of self defeating if it not always with you, but in some nice safe place  

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On 9/19/2020 at 10:01 PM, fasstrack said:

Did you mean to say or infer that 'the blood coursing through our veins' is blue? B/c if so that would give your idea a hell of a twist.

 

Nice writing, BTW...

Yes, that was the inference... thank you :) 

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On 9/19/2020 at 10:27 PM, Aku 2020 said:

 Apa Darah biru itu

 

I had to look up the translation... what blue blood is? or what blood is blue? every humans so far... before it hits the air. I am sort of confused by what you mean. 

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I definitely love where you seem to be going with this ... now, let me kindly suggest that what you should now be carefully looking for is contrast.  Having now very-clearly established in the listener's eye "this marvelous metaphor of color," how many equally-creative ways might you now dream up to contrast with it?  Another color?  Something "entirely unrelated to color" which actually interjects a contrasting opinion to the "color metaphor?"  Your storytelling possibilities are endless ... but you are off to a magnificent beginning.

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2 hours ago, MikeRobinson said:

I definitely love where you seem to be going with this ... now, let me kindly suggest that what you should now be carefully looking for is contrast.  Having now very-clearly established in the listener's eye "this marvelous metaphor of color," how many equally-creative ways might you now dream up to contrast with it?  Another color?  Something "entirely unrelated to color" which actually interjects a contrasting opinion to the "color metaphor?"  Your storytelling possibilities are endless ... but you are off to a magnificent beginning.

Thank you !!! That is a fantastic idea.. I love the idea of using something else other than color to contrast with. Then I have to figure out what is the purpose for the contrast..

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