goldylocks

You all sound like you're smoking your lyrics. Is that what's making you so giddy? This board is starting to run away like a Saturday Night Live spoof. So much intellectualism, with witty humor. I agree with Lisa, you guys are hilarious, should have your own sit com. Goldy

Thanks Rudi, the song is about Justin Bieber becoming a celebrity, and how it changed his life. Boy, did it change his life. Goldy

Welcome Rudi to the Weekly Lyric Challenge, a very cute song. Very original and imaginative. Goldy

Les, this song has class. I could almost see this in a Broadway Comedy Musical, like Auntie Mame. I really enjoyed it. Goldy

I think you have a pretty good foundation, but could add a few more brands, like in this verse: Suggestion: for two verses. Just a few suggestions, to try and help. Working days are all through We’ve got better things to do Drinking Lipton by the pool Kel's suggestion (by) The best way to stay cool It’s such a lovely day McDonalds makes it go our way Who are you texting You said you were resting Goldy

Yeah. this song is about the Beiber, thought I could fool you, not! Goldy

Thanks Kel, I enjoyed yours too. I like the way you used the brands in your song, very original and clever fun lyrics. Had me smiling, because you described most Americans trying to live the celebrity life style with brands. I also, appreciate you commenting on my Chorus, that's the favorite part of the song that I wrote. Goldy

My contribution, to this weeks challenge. Tabloid Boy Verse: You were just young A little while ago Singing on Youtube Playing the piano Now you're it Pompous as can be Strutting the Red Carpet A celebrity Verse: Gucci sunglasses on Cool as James Dean Smiling at young girls Making them scream Fame has you reeling You're a famous pop star Your photo's in US With a Gibson guitar Chorus: Tabloid Boy You're Hot Hot, Hot Paparazzi loves you They want a shot Shot Shot Of your big brown eyes And your new tatoo So they can sell it To the Enquirer news Verse: The world's at your feet You're a famous teen A Nikon follows you In your Ferrari dream Just think what you can do With the money you make If you shared it with Care You'd be ending heartache Chorus: Tabloid Boy You're Hot Hot Hot Paparazzi loves you They want a shot Shot Shot Of your big brown eyes And your new tattoo So they can sell it To the Enquirer news Repeat Chorus:

Boy, Lisa, I wouldn't want to be this girl to be my daughter, you really wrote a rebellious teenager's song. It jumps right off the page. Very dramatic and in your face lyric. I felt the attitude as I read it, Nice job! Goldy

Les, I think your chorus flows much better, and I agree with Lisa, it rolls down the page effortlessly. Much better. Definitely a rebellious teenager song, with quite an attitude and great hook in the title and chorus. Goldy

I tweaked my lyrics I changed three lines of the 4th verse, I think it fits in with the lyrics moving on now.Thanks to Skin's suggestion. Goldy

Okay, Skin, I looked up red one, and the only thing I could come up with is Lady Gaga's song writer is called Red One. So what does red one mean? Suggestion, in your bridge I think it should end like this. The next line doesn't take the lyrics any place, I think it detracts from your bridge, but that's just my opinion. Also the last line in the second verse, doesn't seem to read right. Maybe something like this: Whose he think he is to lay out or down rules. Since the girl is singing the song, we know he is laying out rules for her, I don't think me is necessary, it makes it awkward to read. Again just a suggestion. Other than that cool song with an attitude. Bridge (rap) Yeah he’s a loser Thinks he’s a bruiser Keeps me hangin While he’s out bangin With the boys Playing with their toys Goldy

Nice lyric Kel, I was singing it in my mind, as I was reading it. A suggestion, We'll be playing by my rules. Oh, never mind I see you added it in the end. Goldy

Skin, I put the verse in the spell check, and the only thing came up was attractin' and catchin' because I left out the g on both of them, other wise no typo, can you tell me what you mean? And thank you for the comments, this is certainly not my style of writing, but I wanted to try something far out of the box. I don't know what to do for verse four, I'm trying to demonstrate he plans to keep her over night and take her virginity, and when he brings her home the next day he's going to get flack, but he don't care, because that's his character. Thanks for your comments Goldylocks

Mine is a Gansta Love Pop Song. Thought I would try something different. I hope this is ABC song form, I read the article, I have two verses before the Chorus, though. Is that okay, John? Ya Got the Look Girl Verse: Hey, girl you're fine I wanna get to know ya Look at me huh? I got somethin' to show ya Verse: I'm no high school jock I'm from the homies in the hood Got my A game straight up I’m bad, but I'm good. Chorus: Ya got the look girl Lookin' just like a diva Comin' up in designa clothes Makin' me a believa Yeah, check it out I'll play your heart's desire Baby, you're gonna burn Yeah, burn like you're on fire Verse: Ya got it, oh yeah I see it in your haughty eyes Attractin' me to forbidden fruit Like a spider catchin' a fly. Verse: Gonna get it on with you tonight Bring ya home the next day Cause I'll make you a woman If this gangsta has his way. Bridge: I'm lovin' ya for now Cause I get satisfaction Just gonna keep kickin' it Until I see another attraction Chorus: Ya, got the look girl Lookin' just like a diva Comin' up in designa clothes Makin' me a believa Yeah, check it out I'll play your heart's desire Baby, you're gonna burn Yeah, burn like you're on fire

Thank you Lisa, I thought it sounded like rap when I wrote it. It has that beat to it, so I thought. I'm glad you like it. Goldy

J.D, this really stirred up some emotion in me. I can relate back to the sixties, Powerful lyrics, played out like a motion picture in my mind. Goldy

Very cute and original, a song about how one sock always is missing. I have the same problem when I put them in the washing machine, the machine eats one of them. Always a missing sock. Kel, just out of curiosity, where does sure as eggs come from, never heard that saying before. Goldy

Thanks Kel, Christian Rap exists, I didn't make it up. Just another way Christian song writers express themselves. Goldy

John, is this what you mean? It's a Rap song, protest of loss of freedom. Genocide Genocide, Genocide It's coming your way Hitler killed millions- Do you remember the day? Promises are spoken- That will hypnotize Why can't you see Through the disguise? You follow like sheep Through every day. Unaware of terror- Coming your way Chorus: Genocide, Genocide It's coming your way People turning Faith burning Knees bending You'll remember the day! Stuck with your head In material pride. Scales on your eyes- While freedom slides . Black plastic caskets Arranged side by side Red roses will bury you In your own Genocide Bridge: Innocent blood cries Out from the dead Stop what your doing! And listen instead. Time's running out- Slaves you'll become Marching to the beat Of a tyrants's drum What can you do? It's not in your hands Turn to toward God- Obey His commands. Give him your heart And in Him, confide. Pray for His love Before Genocide Chorus: Genocide, Genocide It's coming your way People turning Faith burning Knees bending You'll remember the day!

Interesting lyric Lisa, I like your use of the Zodiac it brings a fresh perspective to the song. Love songs can be so difficult to write. it's all been said and done a million times. That's why I appreciate this, it's cute. The only thing I'm not crazy about is the title, to me conflict is too sophisticated for the rest of the song. That's just my opinion though. Maybe battle, or clash, war on the cusp. Just a few suggestions, Goldylocks

Thanks John, I really like this song, because it tells a story of the reality of loneliness and how some people become so desperate, they take their own lives. Rather than being lonely. I followed all your suggestions, I'm lousy at grammar. So thanks for the tips and help. Goldylocks

Skin, your lyrics demonstrate an excellent use of opposites. Nice write for being raw. Cold, hot, sad, bad, etc. Goldylocks

I'm sorry I took my lyric off John, I didn't think anybody was interested in the challenge. Which I found was helping me a lot with my writing. Here is my lyric back again with some changes. Loneliness Isn't Your Friend Verse: Sadly she looks in the mirror Sees a stranger standing there Nervously runs her fingers Through her tangled hair Verse: She pulls back the curtains Watches smiling people walk by Cringes from the loneliness It makes her want to die Verse: She's always so lonely No one ever tries to call No one stops by to visit her She has no friends at all Chorus: Loneliness isn't your friend Loneliness isn't your friend Doesn't give a damn about you Or what it is your going through Won't hold your hand if you're crying Won't call for help when you're dying There's only one thing that it'll do And that's to bring heartache to you Verse: Opens her sleeping pills Swallows them all down Tears stream down her face She crumbles to the ground Verse: She reaches for the phone As last minutes go by Her hand slips off it She closes her eyes Bridge: Somewhere a soul will be lost It'll happen tonight Someone whose in the dark Will take their own life. If you see a person depressed Comfort them if you can Call them and encourage them Cause loneliness isn't your friend Repeat Chorus: Loneliness isn't your friend Loneliness isn't your friend Doesn't give a damn about you Or what it is your going through Won't hold your hand if you're crying Won't call for help when you're dying There's only one thing that it'll do And that is to bring heartache to you End Chorus: Loneliness isn't your friend Loneliness isn't your friend Only one thing it'll do And that Is to bring heartache to you

I'm having a heck of a time with the last line, getting it to flow without changing the verse. I followed your suggestions, also changed the chorus line 6 and 7. Thanks for your help, and teaching me how to write lyrics with a natural flow, instead of being contrived. I also, changed it writing as one of the dead hot shots. I tried to get a better flow. Nineteen Hot Shots Down I saw a lightening bolt come down A flashing fork of Hell striking Hungry flames licking green trees Death waiting in burning leaves I came with the nineteen hot shots Into the swirling smoky wilderness My eyes stung and tears streamed down Marching into flames leaping all around Chorus: Nineteen Hot Shots Down When I heard that desperate cry I knew that I just died I saw them laid on black scorched ground One by one bringing our bodies downed Sorrow flowed in the air like smoke Tears fell when the fire chief spoke Nineteen Hot Shots Down Verse: Sadly l remember the day Courage screaming out of my eyes Battling a raging fire wall Until I took that fatal fall Verse: A flag of love flies high in our honor Flowers spread, lie near the station Tribute paid for the ultimate cost In memory of the Nineteen lost Chorus: Repeat