KaGy

Hi Dhananjay Rap is a great for pouring out frustrations. KaGy

Hi Summer Dawn, I'm excited about the last Hobbit movie KaGy

Hi Deepak Welcome to Songstuff. KaGy

Hiya Hiya Pat! We are all exceptionally fine here Welcome to Songstuff KaGy

Hi Ashley, Welcome to Songstuff I'm sure you'll enjoy being a member, we're all very friendly here. KaGy

Hi Miscellaneous, I felt the sadness in your poem when I read it, so the emotion is conveyed well. I would be inclined to spend the time to pull it in a bit because the idea is really good. For example, the first line, I'd take out 'never ending', it's cliche which is okay, but as poets we try to create new phrases to wow our audience that haven't been heard before. If you use a cliche, try to put a different spin on it. The first two lines in the second stanza are saying the same thing; if you want two lines, then add more 'showing' to your poem. Have you heard the expression 'don't tell, show,' if not, then look this up, it's an important skill in writing that I am still trying to master. Furthermore, I think you would like the effect of the poem with less personal references - 'I' - try a re-write reducing these in your text. I hope this helps. This poem has a rhythm, it just needs a little help. KaGy

Kwfields979, I hope you post your lyrics, I'm always interested in what the rappers have to say. I'd need a muso. to decipher the rest of your intro. Welcome to Songstuff KaGy

Hi JFrankeBand, I'd like to be able to write a song a week, though it won't happen, I'm struggling to write songs, period. Lots of talented members here, enjoy Welcome to Songstuff. KaGy

Hi Kenny, I like the topic and I enjoyed the excellent imagery, though I got confused; is the flaming abyss the lake and where did it come from. Is the lake a water or sand lake. I was drawn into the poem and then that area lost me. '...make us fly' great! Thank you for sharing. KaGy

Hi seahorse, you'll enjoy being a member of Songstuff. WELCOME ABOARD! KaGy

Always pretending that things are fine, All you hear is my laughter, All you see is my smile. (you might try 'shine' here) But there is more on the inside. If others were to see me from within, They would see a different person. They'll surely find an angry soul, shouting and cursing. (not always, because you pretend - as in v1, also, changes strength) A broken heart always crying and moaning, Desperately yearning to feel love's warm touch. Lost hopes and dreams once filled with life Have slowly diminished and died. Such things, of course, I tell no one Only me, myself, and I All on the inside. Smurfiee, I attempted to pull it in a bit, I think it has the same emotive impact, I hope that's okay - it's my take on it and I hope it leaves you with some ideas. KaGy

Hi Alexx, I'm really glad you've joined, will look out for you in the forums. KaGy

Hi Isaac, Welcome to Songstuff the place to grow KaGy

Welcome Latifa I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for at Songstuff KaGy