Song Writing Challenge/competition #2 Updated

[JamTimeMusic]

Dee,

I love your re-write. I can really hear this being sung now. The lyrics are great. Nothing bad to say about them. You have re-written several times and it shows. Well done.

JD

[Dee]

Thanks JD. Have to admit that verse 2 gave me problems and me, being me, will always look at ways to improve it

[JamTimeMusic]

What we will do now is give until the end of this month for any final lyric submissions and as we have a few to chose from we will congratulate all entrants for their good work and then create a voting poll to see which lyrics we will use. Once we've done that we can work at phase 2. The melody.

So, please complete your final revisions by May 30th.

JD

[Danka]

JD forget about the previous lyrics I posted as I have created a newer version. I worked on the syllables as well. I hope you like it.

Danuta Gal ©

Olympian dream

V1

From other sides of the world

you came here with one dream

to represent your country

athletes of the Olympic team

V2

The Olympic torch is alight

The flame gives warmth to your heart

You look forward to the game

People are waiting for the start

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write your own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

V3

Your dream is to be on top

To give it all is what you’ve got

Everyone believes in you

So today, give your best shot

V4

Shortly the game will take place

The stadium is packed with the crowd

There is the support for you all

Take a big breath and be proud

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write you own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

V5

Your dream, to stand on the podium

The Olympic flag ascends

And to hear people applaud

You are a star, and a legend

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write you own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

[JamTimeMusic]

Hey Danka,

That seems much better. It's a good story and you can almost feel their belief growing as it progresses. Really like it. Well done.

JD

[Danka]

JD,thank you

Edited May 18, 2011 by Danka

[JamTimeMusic]

Cool: I love motivational lyrics - I've already started writing this for just such an occassion. (I originally started writing it for a movie that required inspiration and motivation similar to Rocky type montage)

Roar Like A Lion

[Verse 1]

Out there in the battlefield

Conquest is the key to survival

No chance when you’re just standing still

Out there in the battlefield

Eye to eye your facing your rival

Can endurance out weigh the skill

The passion to win keeps hope alive

Stare till you see the fear in their eyes

Stand as the beast that will lead the pride

And sweet victory will be the prize

[Hook]

When you/Roar/Roar like Lion

Will you be the one

To sound the triumphed cry

When you/Roar/Roar like a Lion

Nothing less than gold

Who’ll be the last to sur-vive

I'll post the rest if your interested..

Bo,

Do you have full lyrics for this? This will be our third submission but for the next part of the challenge we need a full length song before we decide which song we will work on.

JD

[Dee]

Hello

I thought it would be a good idea not to look at my lyrics for a while and today is the first time i've looked at them for about two weeks. I noticed a typing error which I've corrected but apart from that I'm happy with them - even the second verse which I wasn't completely satisfied with at first, actually isn't too bad now that I've re-read it. The only thing I will say is that the "rise" or "pre-chorus" or whatever the hell it's called, could maybe be removed. I just wonder if it drags the song out a wee bit longer than it needs to be?

Anyway, I shall submit it as it is to the challenge. I understand that there is a vote for "Best in Breed." I'm pretty bad at winning things but whether I do or not, this has been a good learning curve for me.

Lazz:-

i've order those books you recommended from the library. I'm just waiting for them to arrive. Thanks for all your help

Kind regards

Dee

[JamTimeMusic]

Hello,

So, we had only two full entries so I feel that we have enough reason to work on both songs that were submitted. Well done to Dee & Danka for writing great sets of lyrics and taking notice of feedback that was given to them.

Now is the moment that we start thinking about the melody that these words will sit with.

Part 2 of this challenge is to write the singing melody to these sets of lyrics.

Now, I want EVERYONE, even those who feel they are lyric only writers to have a play with these lyrics and see what you come up with. This is a creative experiment so have no fear, just sing into a dictaphone and let the forces of nature guide you to the best melody that you can find. If you have a computer microphone you could always use that and the windows recorder to get your ideas down. If you play an instrument feel free to use that to help you find a melody.

So, start singing my friends and post your ideas/links here.

.......................................................

Song 1 | Make it Happen | © Denielle West - May 2011

Ambition fuels a furnace

That burns deep in my soul

Belief that I can turn this

Dream into gold

A dream that keeps me focussed

When doubt creeps in my mind

And blunts my sense of purpose

Part of the time

(Rise)

I must believe

I will achieve

(Chorus)

See my colours

Rise higher than others

I will make it happen

Hear my song

Knowing I belong

I will make it happen

(Verse 2)

I visualize the glory

The crowds calling my name

I’ll make this my own story

Winning the game

To reach my finest moment

I’ll race against the rest

Amongst the tide of talent

I’ll be the best

(Rise)

This is my time

My chance to shine

(chorus)

........................................................

SONG 2 | Olympian Dream | © Danuta Gal

V1

From other sides of the world

you came here with one dream

to represent your country

athletes of the Olympic team

V2

The Olympic torch is alight

The flame gives warmth to your heart

You look forward to the game

People are waiting for the start

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write your own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

V3

Your dream is to be on top

To give it all is what you’ve got

Everyone believes in you

So today, give your best shot

V4

Shortly the game will take place

The stadium is packed with the crowd

There is the support for you all

Take a big breath and be proud

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write you own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

V5

Your dream, to stand on the podium

The Olympic flag ascends

And to hear people applaud

You are a star, and a legend

Bridge:

Tackle obstacles, write you own story

Step into victory and live in glory

Chorus:

Believe

You are fast

You are tough

You’re good enough

Believe

You are strong

This is true

The winner is in you

Enjoy

JD

[Dee]

Oh! JD what ya like?

I wouldn't unleash my voice on my worstest enemy (which, coincidentally, has just become you)!!

Er.... I'll have a think. Maybe we could reach a compromise without me having to sing? Honestly... I really don't do singing. I would rather subject you all to my dodgey piano playing. Or maybe I could appeal to some silent observer with much better musical ability than me to collaborate?

Anything!

[JamTimeMusic]

Hahahha oh dear Dee! What about humming lol. The way I look at it is this. Surely not only good singers were given the ability to write melodies by singing them? You should try it despite your apparent God damn terrible voice LOL! Seriously even if you are a bit out of tune I'll still be able to hear what you are trying to portray. It's uplifting to write a good melody. I guess if you feel that strongly then I guess the piano idea could work. I'll have to translate it afterwards as I struggle to hear an idea not in voice form.

Whatever form it comes, lets hear it.

[Dee]

Dear JD

If I was inclined to, I could point out that because you did such a fantastic job with MP's song, that surely you could think up another equally fantastic melody for us. But it is your challenge and your rules I guess, so here as requested is a sample of something I put together using my own voice - God help me!

DO NOT EVEN DARE MENTION THE SINGING - I MEAN IT!! - I'm aware of my capabilities and at an X-Factor audition you will never find me.

I've had real trouble thinking up a melody which is meant to be uplifting and motivational - I'm not sure that comes across very well. I envisaged a soft slow start, building up to a powerful chorus, and taking into account what Lazz said about the chorus needing something after it, I agree. I haven't added it but I think it needs something like... "Make it Mine" after the last Make it happen. Tad cheesy, I know.

I have only "sung" one verse and chorus... I couldn't endure any more than that.

So now that I have made my reluctant debut, what dare I ask, is next? And in particular have you any thoughts about your contribution to the challenge? After all, you did do such a very, extremely excellent job with Challenge #1 -

-

My link

[Danka]

Dee,I really admire you for singing your lyrics. I think the melody could work. A big applause.

P.S

I won’t even try to sing my lyrics us I am not the melodic type and not brave enough as you.

[Dee]

Thank you but believe me Danka, if I can do it, anyone can! That's not to say I would readily do it again. I really hated it and have only listened to it once. My saving grace is that no-body here knows me and I know that no one is going to come up to me in the street or worse still the school playground when I go to pick the kids up and say "hey, I heard you singing on Songstuff." Yep, I hide safely behind my laptop.

Go on... give it a try

Edited June 8, 2011 by Dee

[Danka]

Dee my voice is not Hallelujah my voice sounds like Amen

Dee yesterday I was singing and recorded my voice but its not even close to uplifting. It sounded like very sad funeral.

Thanks but better I leave this for someone else .Cheers.

[JamTimeMusic]

Dee,

I am really pleased you gave it a go. It's a great first attempt for sure. You've thought about the presentation of your delivery and I'm pleased considering this was your first go. Before I butt in and try a few things myself I want you to work on this just like you would a lyric. The pre chorus/Rise needs more of a rise. It needs to elevate you into the chorus of which you should aim to sing higher. I want you to have another go and see what you can learn second time round. Stretch yourself a little.

You did great. Keep it coming.

Danka, push yourself. Do you really want to forever rely on someone else to bring your songs to life? Believe the words in your song. Are you sure that you CANNOT?

Speak soon

JD

[Danka]

JD, I try to sing but I'm not happy with the way my voice sounds. You have a wonderful voice, unlike some people (me). I tried many times and I thought it was terrible.

[JamTimeMusic]

Ok well if you're not happy with presenting your voice to the world that's ok but for your own benefit you can still work on ideas. You never know. You might just be able to write great melodies. That's all I am trying to press upon you.

Nevertheless I will have a go soon and hopefully other musicians/singers will also pop along and try to write to these lyrics! We need to get people to read this thread so we can get a few more collaborations going on.

[Dee]

JD

I appreciate your efforts in trying to coax the best out of us but with the greatest respect to you this is a writing challenge and not a singing challenge.

I think that was the fifth or sixth time I recorded my song and I'm afraid that's the best it's going to get. I just feel I am unable to give it any more. In another context, I'm too short to become a basketball player - I just aint gonna grow any more.

Please, by all means butt in anytime you like with your ideas. We all want our songs to be the best they can but by making us do something we aren't capable of isn't going to make them better.

My version was just my idea for a melody, hopefully someone somewhere might have a better melody.

Regards

Dee

[JamTimeMusic]

Dee I respect your thoughts about the singing but the melody is a massive part of the writing. Singing is the best vehicle to explore melody writing but if the singing vehicle is not for you then see if you can explore it using a piano. Nevertheless I think you did a good job singing your melody. It just needs a little more light and shade but you can develop that. I'll stop being so pushy and let you get back to what you're comfortable with.

Edited June 12, 2011 by JamTimeMusic