Challenge #5 Opposites

[john]

Hi gang

This week's challenge is all about the use of opposites. Love/hate, light/dark, hot/cold, rough/smooth, old/young, smart/dumb, ugly/beautiful etc.

How you use opposites is up to you. It could be central to the theme, a mechanism, contrast for any reason. The idea here is not to simply mention some opposite elements for no real reason, but to use opposites to good effect.

Have fun!

Cheers

John

[john]

No takers yet?

[john]

Goldy, I came back to comment and your lyrics have gone...

 

okay I can take a hint. I guess it wasn't such a great idea after all. Group closing. I'll leave it a few days before deleting it all, so any of you interested in saving comments etc can grab them before it goes poof.

[Kel]

just because w haven't posted yet doesn't mean we aren't working on it, mate

[john]

fair enough. declining response followed by a complete lack of response the day before a new challenge is due didn't exactly make me think I was doing anything others would be too bothered about losing. Goldy posting and then deleting it just added to that feeling, No one likes to feel they are wasting their breath. lol

 

I happily stand corrected & I look forward to reading the resulting lyrics

[Kel]

Good At Being Bad

 

You know when you said there was something wrong

When you sensed I wasn't being true

It wasn't something that I ever meant to do

I never meant to hurt you, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

 

I wasn't working late those night I said I was

You were right I wasn't where I said

There's a regular game down at Eddie's Bar

I never meant to lose you, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

 

If I hadn't been losing you would never know

I guess it always comes out in the end

Luck's been hot and cold and I been hangin' on

Till Lady Luck is on my side again, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

[goldylocks]

I'm sorry I took my lyric off John, I didn't think anybody was interested in the challenge. Which I found was helping me a lot with my writing. Here is my lyric back again with some changes.

Loneliness Isn't Your Friend


Verse:

Sadly she looks in the mirror
Sees a stranger standing there
Nervously runs her fingers
Through her tangled hair

Verse:

She pulls back the curtains
Watches smiling people walk by

Cringes from the loneliness

It makes her want to die

Verse:

She's always so lonely
No one ever tries to call
No one stops by to visit her
She has no friends at all

Chorus:

Loneliness isn't your friend
Loneliness isn't your friend
Doesn't give a damn about you
Or what it is your going through
Won't hold your hand if you're crying
Won't call for help when you're dying
There's only one thing that it'll do
And that's to bring heartache to you

 

Verse:

Opens her sleeping pills
Swallows them all down
Tears stream down her face
She crumbles to the ground

Verse:

She reaches for the phone
As last minutes go by
Her hand slips off it
She closes her eyes

Bridge:

Somewhere a soul will be lost
It'll happen tonight
Someone whose in the dark 
Will take their own life.

If you see a person depressed
Comfort them if you can
Call them and encourage them
Cause loneliness isn't your friend

Repeat Chorus:

Loneliness isn't your friend
Loneliness isn't your friend
Doesn't give a damn about you
Or what it is your going through
Won't hold your hand if you're crying
Won't call for help when you're dying

There's only one thing that it'll do
And that is to bring heartache to you

 

End Chorus:

Loneliness isn't your friend
Loneliness isn't your friend
Only one thing it'll do
And that Is to bring heartache to you

 

 

Edited August 15, 2014 by goldylocks

[goldylocks]

Hi John

This is unedited and wrote as it came out, not sure if it will make sense but here goes. Sorry for not posting on the news challenge but nowt would come from my pen.

 

 

 

Its not always about!

 

 

V

It's not always about black and white

It's not always about dark and light

But if you know it's good

Then it's got to be right

Don’t you agree

 

V

It's not always about good or bad

It's not always about happy or sad

There's something in between

You just got to feel glad

Don’t you agree

 

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame other’s, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

 

V

It's not always about hot or cold

It's not always about brave or bold

Just don’t let life get you down

Your soul has not been sold

Don’t you agree

 

V

It's not always about right or wrong

It's not always about words or song

Everything is about the singer

And if they feel strong

Don’t you agree

 

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame other’s, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

 

B

Get through the dark and the light

Get through the wrong and the right

Get through the hot and the cold

Believe in yourself, you know you can

You can do it, yes you can

 

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame others, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

 

 

Skin

Skin, your lyrics demonstrate an excellent use of opposites. Nice write for being raw.

 

Cold, hot, sad, bad, etc.

 

Goldylocks       

[john]

I will post the next challenge on Saturday to allow us to work through this challenge appropriately, rather than changing the challenge day from a Saturday and creating a shorter challenge.

[john]

I'm sorry I took my lyric off John, I didn't think anybody was interested in the challenge. Which I found was helping me a lot with my writing. Here is my lyric back again with some changes.

Loneliness Isn't a Friend

Verse:

Sadly she looks in the mirror

Sees a stranger standing there

Nervously runs her fingers

Through her tangled hair

Verse:

She pulls back the curtains

Watches people laughing walking by

Cringes from the loneliness

It makes her want to cry

Verse:

She's always so lonely

No one ever tries to call

No one stops by to visit her

She has no friends at all

Chorus:

Loneliness isn't a friend

Loneliness isn't a friend

Doesn't give a damn about you

Or what your going through

Won't hold your hand if you're crying

Won't call for help when you're dying

Only one thing it'll do

Is bring heartache to you

Verse:

Opens her sleeping pills

Swallows them all down

Tears stream down her face

She crumbles to the ground

Verse:

She reaches for the phone

As last minutes go by

Her hand slips off it

She closes her eyes

Bridge:

Somewhere a soul will be lost

It'll happen tonight

Someone who hasn't found love

Will take their own life.

If you see a person depressed

Comfort them if you can

Call them and encourage them

Cause loneliness isn't a friend

Repeat Chorus:

Loneliness isn't a friend

Loneliness isn't a friend

Doesn't give a damn about you

Or what your going through

Won't hold your hand if you're crying

Won't call for help when you're dying

Only one thing it'll do

Is bring heartache to you

End Chorus:

Loneliness isn't a friend

Loneliness isn't a friend

Only one thing it'll do

Is bring heartache to you

 

No problem

 

On the title, hook and chorus, and considering the conversational perspective I would change the hook line to:

 

"loneliness isn't your friend"

 

As that keeps it personal and conversational. I've made a few small changes to your chorus:

 

Loneliness isn't your friend

Loneliness isn't your friend

It doesn't give a damn about you

Or what it is you're going through

It won't hold your hand, if you're crying

It won't call for help, when you're dying

There's only one thing that it'll do

And that's to bring heartache to you

 

What do you think? I've tried to address flow and grammar.

 

I'll come back to the other sections of the song, I'm in a bit of a rush atm

[goldylocks]

No problem

 

On the title, hook and chorus, and considering the conversational perspective I would change the hook line to:

 

"loneliness isn't your friend"

 

As that keeps it personal and conversational. I've made a few small changes to your chorus:

 

Loneliness isn't your friend

Loneliness isn't your friend

It doesn't give a damn about you

Or what it is you're going through

It won't hold your hand, if you're crying

It won't call for help, when you're dying

There's only one thing that it'll do

And that's to bring heartache to you

 

What do you think? I've tried to address flow and grammar.

 

I'll come back to the other sections of the song, I'm in a bit of a rush atm

Thanks John, I really like this song, because it tells a story of the reality of loneliness and how some people become so desperate, they take their own lives. Rather than  being lonely. I followed all your suggestions, I'm lousy at grammar.

So thanks for the tips and help. 

 

Goldylocks      

Edited July 15, 2013 by goldylocks

[Lisa Gates]

I can never find the challenges! and no, I'm not blonde! I only found this one by chance. (nothing came to me for challenge #4 sorry...)

I think this is kind of raw too.

 

CONFLICT ON THE CUSP  By Lisa M. Guzda

 

Are you torn and need to fight?

Constant struggle goin on inside

Change your path, turn left, turn right

If a broken heart is all you find.

 

To be so smart and feel so trapped

Look for the love you need the most

If the devil’s on you back

An angel’s here, she’s not a ghost

 

Chorus:

Conflict on the cusp

One sign says yes, the other no

Conflict on the cusp

Sagittarius and Scorpio

 

Rise above this old tired world

Don’t get stuck on the ride

Hey, you can live, posses the girl

Pick the best of both the signs

 

Don’t watch things grow in black and white

Don’t let the cusp drive you wild

Embrace the colors, hold love tight

Heal you heart, open your eyes

 

Bridge:

Sometimes love has no beginning and no end

Like when you fall in love with your best friend

 

Chorus - Repeat

Conflict on the cusp

Ain’t no big thing

Living on the edge

What good can it bring?

[Lisa Gates]

Goldylocks, what a tough subject. I worked with the elderly and lonliness and suicide are big topics for them but for your song, I see a younger woman. I like John's fix in the chours of "your friend" the letter/word "a" is so tough some people say "ay" some say it "ah" and other say it "uh" if you can hear what I'm typing lol.

My only nit is that V2 L2 has a lot more syllables then the other L2 in other verses but it could be rushed to fit the melody if you get a good singer to do the song.

or here are some suggestions:

sees people smile and walk by

watches a crowd walking by

smiling people walking by

 

ok then, chat soon!
Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

Good At Being Bad

 

You know when you said there was something wrong

When you sensed I wasn't being true

It wasn't something that I ever meant to do

I never meant to hurt you, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

 

I wasn't working late those night I said I was

You were right I wasn't where I said

There's a regular game down at Eddie's Bar

I never meant to lose you, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

 

If I hadn't been losing you would never know

I guess it always comes out in the end

Luck's been hot and cold and I been hangin' on

Till Lady Luck is on my side again, but

 

I'm good at being bad for you, baby!

I'm good at being no good,

I'm bad at being good

Though I know I really should

I'm just good at being bad, that's me.

Kel, you are twisting my brain.

the first verse has too many rhymes and the other verses you lose the rhyme by putting "But" at the end of the lines?

can I be the ''but" nazi? you can be the "just" nazi ok? LOL!!!

then you have a KILLER chorus! that is awesome. I bet you have music for this already don't you?

AGH! you've made my critique an opposite (the bad and the good)...very clever Kel

talk with you soon, my friend!

Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

Hi John

This is unedited and wrote as it came out, not sure if it will make sense but here goes. Sorry for not posting on the news challenge but nowt would come from my pen.

Its not always about!

V

It's not always about black and white

It's not always about dark and light

But if you know it's good

Then it's got to be right

Don’t you agree

V

It's not always about good or bad

It's not always about happy or sad

There's something in between

You just got to feel glad

Don’t you agree

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame other’s, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

V

It's not always about hot or cold

It's not always about brave or bold

Just don’t let life get you down

Your soul has not been sold

Don’t you agree

V

It's not always about right or wrong

It's not always about words or song

Everything is about the singer

And if they feel strong

Don’t you agree

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame other’s, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

B

Get through the dark and the light

Get through the wrong and the right

Get through the hot and the cold

Believe in yourself, you know you can

You can do it, yes you can

C

Life can be just a waste of time

What you do with it is up to you

Don’t blame others, it's not their fault

The way you are is all, down to you

Skin

Hi Skin,

I think this is great and I don't think it is very raw. seems pretty complete to me. I am looking at your choice of having a chorus in it though. The line "Don't you agree" makes the structure look like AAA

maybe you could join the chorus to the bridge but then the name of the song would have to be "Don't you Agree"

What do you think?

All the best,

Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

I don't know why it looks like a multi quote Skin... I didn't mean to do that.

LOL

[Kel]

Hey Lisa, 

 

Sorry to twist your brain like that. It's true, though. The verses need some work, but I had the chorus since the day after the challenge came out. In the end I wrote it straight into make the next challenge. Thanks for showing me what I need to do.

And yes, I have a melody but I haven't recorded it yet.

 

Now, I loved your song, but am a little confused as well. Did you mean to repeat the chorus after the second verse, before the bridge? And at the end you have Chorus repeat, then 4 lines.... were those four lines to be repeated or the chorus, then those four lines as a fading coda?

 

Talk soon.

Kel

[Lisa Gates]

Hey Lisa, 

 

Sorry to twist your brain like that. It's true, though. The verses need some work, but I had the chorus since the day after the challenge came out. In the end I wrote it straight into make the next challenge. Thanks for showing me what I need to do.

And yes, I have a melody but I haven't recorded it yet.

 

Now, I loved your song, but am a little confused as well. Did you mean to repeat the chorus after the second verse, before the bridge? And at the end you have Chorus repeat, then 4 lines.... were those four lines to be repeated or the chorus, then those four lines as a fading coda?

 

Talk soon.

Kel

Kel,

it's late here so I'm not sure I remember good song structure. should i have the chorus repeat before the bridge? and yes those four lines are a fade out.

Can't wait to hear your song. This should be a really good one. keep me posted!

Lisa

[john]

fixed it for you Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

fixed it for you Lisa

What are you doing up at this hour!!!! do you ever sleep? and thank you. You tha BOMB!