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I'm looking for some feedback on how I can generally improve this piece and advice on how to continue.


everybody only worryin about a brand new car

and kids these days don't know who they really are

they tell you jump for the star as if that's really far

this culture is how kids will end up sittin on a bar

and sure you could say that my rappin is pretty up to par

but if i'm doin me and you're doin you it doesn’t even matter


kids in the school nowadays actin like sharks as they encircle

these bitches preyin on you cuz you're different just like Steve Urkel

all of life's universal

that shit come back like a full circle

i cant believe its so hurtful

when these bullies get so verbal

keep your shell hard like a turtle

know you above em like the color purple

people puttin down people and that's just today's culture

got niggas jumpin over hurdles just to get to the herbals

dont pick on a nigga cuz he got his pokemon squirtle

for all you know he's makin your girl go squirtle

all these losers gloin up now cuz they fertile

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For advice on continuing, I might recommend comparing common aspects of life now (that aren't necessarily good) to how God intended it to be. For example, you could say something about going to prison at a young age because of drugs, and compare that to kids getting an education instead. If you think of if that way and stay generally on that same vein, you'll surprise yourself at how much you can come up with. Hope that helps.

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