Lyrics Writing Challenge #19 Intoning A Metaphor Etc

[Witness]

Hello, all. This is my first time sharing something on here, I actually wrote it a while ago but I felt like it fit this challenge so… decided to post it anyway. It's very enigmatic and metaphorical, the entire song uses mountain and forest metaphors to describe how a very reserved, introverted person secretly wants to open up to people and express their truest self but can't. That's all I'll say, I'll leave the rest up to interpretation…

 

“Mountain”

 

Verse I

Deep within the rainforest, among the hanging vines

A mountain waits in isolation from the world outside

But every river leads away, sustaining sheltered life

Nestled in the shadows cast by palms raised to the sun

The mountain craves discovery, that soon a day will come

When footprints in the lush surroundings don’t appear to run

 

Chorus

An eagle hunting through the trees

Can soar above the canopy

Explore beyond the evergreens

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Hide beneath the forest floor

 

Verse II

Deep within the rainforest, the seasons rarely change

And even in the driest months the dewy mountain stays

A constant humid aura leaves an essence of decay

Vacant from another year of caverns unexplored

The mountain grows impatient of the cycle it endures

A natural phenomenon now actively reborn

 

Chorus

An eagle hunting through the trees

Can soar above the canopy

Explore beyond the evergreens

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Hide beneath the forest floor

 

Bridge

Once a subtle echo

Now a deafening eruption

The mountainside will crumble

As the earth begins to crack

The magnitude of magma flow

Defies all expectation

A new volcanic freedom

Signalled by a cloud of ash

 

Chorus (Outro)

An eagle fleeing from the scene

Can soar above the lava streams

Explore beyond the tempest seas

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Decorate the forest floor

[McnaughtonPark]

23 minutes ago, Witness said:

Hello, all. This is my first time sharing something on here, I actually wrote it a while ago but I felt like it fit this challenge so… decided to post it anyway. It's very enigmatic and metaphorical, the entire song uses mountain and forest metaphors to describe how a very reserved, introverted person secretly wants to open up to people and express their truest self but can't. That's all I'll say, I'll leave the rest up to interpretation…

 

“Mountain”

 

Verse I

Deep within the rainforest, among the hanging vines

A mountain waits in isolation from the world outside

But every river leads away, sustaining sheltered life

Nestled in the shadows cast by palms raised to the sun

The mountain craves discovery, that soon a day will come

When footprints in the lush surroundings don’t appear to run

 

Chorus

An eagle hunting through the trees

Can soar above the canopy

Explore beyond the evergreens

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Hide beneath the forest floor

 

Verse II

Deep within the rainforest, the seasons rarely change

And even in the driest months the dewy mountain stays

A constant humid aura leaves an essence of decay

Vacant from another year of caverns unexplored

The mountain grows impatient of the cycle it endures

A natural phenomenon now actively reborn

 

Chorus

An eagle hunting through the trees

Can soar above the canopy

Explore beyond the evergreens

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Hide beneath the forest floor

 

Bridge

Once a subtle echo

Now a deafening eruption

The mountainside will crumble

As the earth begins to crack

The magnitude of magma flow

Defies all expectation

A new volcanic freedom

Signalled by a cloud of ash

 

Chorus (Outro)

An eagle fleeing from the scene

Can soar above the lava streams

Explore beyond the tempest seas

In search of something more

The mountain’s limitations

Both its lifeblood and erosion

A fortress of emotions

Decorate the forest floor

Really nice write.  Especially enjoyed your creative use of rhyme.

[Capo3tanya]

On 7/29/2018 at 8:40 AM, Witness said:

Hello, all. This is my first time sharing something on here, I actually wrote it a while ago but I felt like it fit this challenge so… decided to post it anyway. It's very enigmatic and metaphorical, the entire song uses mountain and forest metaphors to describe how a very reserved, introverted person secretly wants to open up to people and express their truest self but can't. That's all I'll say, I'll leave the rest up to interpretation…

 

HI Witness, I'm not always useful but I was taught that when you have something nice to say, you SAY it lol.  This is lovely, and so interesting to me.  Meaty, I'd love to sink my teeth into it, a veritable candy jar lol.  Do you have music for it? Can we hear it? This is so interesting, very nice!!! 😎

[Capo3tanya]

On 7/25/2018 at 12:36 AM, McnaughtonPark said:

First write in a long time, don’t know if this fits the rules of the challenge, just wanted to participate.  

 

Burning Love

 

Goodbyes fall like ash

from a hand rolled cigarette 

Empty puffs of smoke

Burnt up with regret 

faithful as a habit

That never gets enough 

It’s still a burning

burning love

 

Mem’ries choke my chest

In an avalanche of dust

Some i just can’t breathe

Then there’s some i must 

A cloud over my eyes

In a plume of aching tears

It’s a burning love

It’s burned for years

 

Bank rolls of old dreams

Broken like the backs

of second place teams

Dah dah dah, dah dah dah, dah dah dah

Dollars turned to dimes

No heart can break like mine

It’s a burning love

gonna burn a long time

 

Paper only has

The lines it’s given

headlights only shine

Where they’re driven

But I don’t know what say

And It’s still the same old view

It’s a burning love

And it burns for you

 

Same goes for you @McnaughtonPark lol, I have nothing useful to say I'm sorry!  Except for that I LOVE it. Fantastic, I want to hear it.

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

going to give this a go tomorrow

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

EMOTIONS
TIRED.

 A RAT RUNNING LAPS IN MY HAMSTERWHEEL
THE DAYS TURN SO SLOWLY INTO NIGHTS FOR REAL
I CAN BARELY HOLD OPEN MY EYES
MY TEARS ARE FROZEN TO ICE

 

AWAKE.

IM AMAZED BY THE SUNRISE
FEED WORMS TO THE BIRDS CAUSE I GOT TIME
I GOT TIME TO EXERSIZE AND HAVE FUN TIME
KICK A RHYME MAKE A BEAT THEN ITS LUNCH TIME

 

EXCITED.

A HAPPY CLOWN HOLDING A HUNDRED BALLOONS
IF I HAD THEM ALL MAYBE I COULD REACH THE MOON
THEY HAVE MY FAVROUTE COLOURS
RED GREEN AND BLUE
LOOK OUT MARTIANS CAUSE ILL SEE YOU SOON

 

TIRED.

A CANDLE BLOWN OUT BEFORE IT EXPIRES
AT THE FRONT OF A RACE THATS WHY I FEEL TIRED
MY MINDS LIKE A MAZE WITH DANGLING WIRES
TRYNA FIND THAT CONNECTION BEFORE IT REWIRES

[Kristiana Azariah]

1 hour ago, ALOPRODUCTIONZ said:

EMOTIONS
TIRED.

 A RAT RUNNING LAPS IN MY HAMSTERWHEEL
THE DAYS TURN SO SLOWLY INTO NIGHTS FOR REAL
I CAN BARELY HOLD OPEN MY EYES
MY TEARS ARE FROZEN TO ICE

 

AWAKE.

IM AMAZED BY THE SUNRISE
FEED WORMS TO THE BIRDS CAUSE I GOT TIME
I GOT TIME TO EXERSIZE AND HAVE FUN TIME
KICK A RHYME MAKE A BEAT THEN ITS LUNCH TIME

 

EXCITED.

A HAPPY CLOWN HOLDING A HUNDRED BALLOONS
IF I HAD THEM ALL MAYBE I COULD REACH THE MOON
THEY HAVE MY FAVROUTE COLOURS
RED GREEN AND BLUE
LOOK OUT MARTIANS CAUSE ILL SEE YOU SOON

 

TIRED.

A CANDLE BLOWN OUT BEFORE IT EXPIRES
AT THE FRONT OF A RACE THATS WHY I FEEL TIRED
MY MINDS LIKE A MAZE WITH DANGLING WIRES
TRYNA FIND THAT CONNECTION BEFORE IT REWIRES

You'll have to forgive me, @ALOPRODUCTIONZ if you intend this for rap (I think I've seen your write wrap, I mean, rap.  I'm not well acquainted with the rules for rap.  I'm making a suggestion based on what I know of other genre's.  I see that your song is titled "Emotions" which seems an appropriate title for the content.  What I don't see is a connecting phrase/hook line/chorus that pulls them all together.  As it is, it appears to be more like a poem (and possibly that's what wrap, I mean rap, does--you can teach me a little about this in your response if you'd like).  I was thinking that even that simple word, EMOTIONS, lovely three syllable word, might sing nicely as a stand-alone to pull all those verses together into a cohesive, flowing sort of thing.  Not much of a change, but would make it more song-like.  Besides, its your title, which tells me, it should be your hook.  If I've got this all wrong because of the rap genre, please, please, please, inform me.  I learn best that way.

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

4 hours ago, Kristiana Azariah said:

You'll have to forgive me, @ALOPRODUCTIONZ if you intend this for rap (I think I've seen your write wrap, I mean, rap.  I'm not well acquainted with the rules for rap.  I'm making a suggestion based on what I know of other genre's.  I see that your song is titled "Emotions" which seems an appropriate title for the content.  What I don't see is a connecting phrase/hook line/chorus that pulls them all together.  As it is, it appears to be more like a poem (and possibly that's what wrap, I mean rap, does--you can teach me a little about this in your response if you'd like).  I was thinking that even that simple word, EMOTIONS, lovely three syllable word, might sing nicely as a stand-alone to pull all those verses together into a cohesive, flowing sort of thing.  Not much of a change, but would make it more song-like.  Besides, its your title, which tells me, it should be your hook.  If I've got this all wrong because of the rap genre, please, please, please, inform me.  I learn best that way.

I DID write this over hiphop instrumental, but i wrote over about 5 different beats, why they speed of the flow changes.im hoping to finish this of today I started of writing the emotions then lyrics, then whent back and turned the lyrics into metaphors, I found this quite difficult it made me notice I write in an explanational story type of way rather then using metaphors to compress down the bars. its funny cause I realise this is how my favourite rapper style is. that's a good idea about a hook ill try and write a bit more today, started this quite late in the night last night. what do you think of the metaphors do they fit them emotions I stated? 

 

[Kristiana Azariah]

I think you have some great metaphors!  I saw you had hoped to finish it the very same day you posted the video, but were finding the process difficult moving from story type explanation to metaphors.    I don't know if you did finish it, but I wonder, why the hurry?  Is there a deadline?  If not, take a break and come back to it with a fresh brain.  I know there are times I have to do that.  Maybe just sleep on it and work on it in the morning if you can.  I do know there are times I only have an allotted time to work on it and if that's where you're coming from, I understand the desire to complete it right away.  Still, its a shame to rush art.

 

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

EMOTIONS

TIRED. angry 

 A RAT RUNNING LAPS IN MY HAMSTERWHEEL
I can not continue that's how I feel 
THE DAYS TURN SLOWLY INTO NIGHTS FOR REAL
I just work work work then its time for a meal
I CAN BARELY HOLD OPEN MY EYES

MY TEARS ARE FROZEN TO ICE 
i cry cause works my demice 
let me get some rest

im tired

AWAKE. happy
I awaken from snoring 
to the sound of birds in the morning
glory is calling
that's the voice of love talking
IM AMAZED BY THE SUNRISE
I FEED WORMS TO THE BIRDS CAUSE I GOT TIME
i got time to myself but I'm not doctor who
i got time for myself i can do what i wanna do 
but I'm motionless

 

chorus

my emotions move so much
you could call them homelessness
emotions grow when hopelessness
take hold of both your nuts
and wont let go untill you buss
im motionless  
EXCITED. TIRED. 

A HAPPY CLOWN HOLDING A HUNDRED BALLOONS
IF I HAD THEM ALL MAYBE I COULD REACH THE MOON
THEY HAVE MY FAVROUTE COLOURS
RED GREEN AND BLUE
LOOK OUT MARTIANS CAUSE ILL SEE YOU SOON 
 A CANDLE BLOWN OUT BEFORE IT EXPIRES
AT THE FRONT OF A RACE THATS WHY I FEEL TIRED
MY MINDS LIKE A MAZE WITH DANGLING WIRES
TRYNA FIND THAT CONNECTION BEFORE IT REWIRES  

[Pahchisme Plaid]

On 7/14/2018 at 10:44 PM, Pahchisme Plaid said:

I hope this fits the criteria.  I drew inspiration from conversation with a friend.

 

It’s One Of Those Days

Lyrics by Kc Chad © 2018

It’s one of those days, I’m decaffeinated

Slow leak in my balloon makes me deflated

They patch me up, I try catching up

But my drive to fly’s damn near satiated

 

The doc says to enjoy my days

Eat what I like, won’t much matter anyway

I’ve got life in me still despite him crushing my will

It’s just one of those days

 

It’s one of those days, I’m decaffeinated

Slow leak in my balloon makes me deflated

They patch me up, I try catching up

But my drive to fly’s damn near satiated

 

Searching again for my midnight stripes

The soft, breathable, cottony type

My missing skin’s gone crawlin, elastic waist is falling

It’s just one of those days

 

It’s one of those days, I’m decaffeinated

Slow leak in my balloon makes me deflated

They patch me up, I try catching up

But my drive to fly’s damn near satiated

 

God I know you’ve got me in Your hands

I may be laying down, but inside I’m still standing

I struggle with walking, but just You keep talking

I’m living to die on Your terms

I’m needing to feast on your words
They’re what help me face my days

 

I’ll wash my strands, what’s left

Most are lost, still a few’ve kept

Looking at mops tomorrow, found a cap to borrow

It’s just one of those days

 

It’s one of those days, I’m decaffeinated

Slow leak in my balloon makes me deflated

They patch me up, I try catching up

But my drive to fly’s damn near satiated

 

It’s one of those days, I’m decaffeinated

Slow leak in my balloon makes me deflated

They patch me up, I try catching up

But my drive to fly’s damn near satiated

 

My drive to fly, my drive to fly, my drive to fly’s nearly satiated.

 

I just wanted to share that my friend who was diagnosed with a fast-advancing stage 4 bone cancer in her hip is now awaiting the final results of a PET scan to confirm that she is clean of cancer.  She did not agree to everything her doctors insisted upon because she was an educated patient.  She ate clean as she has always done.  She underwent the chemo as directed, but denied having this last one.   She also had reactions to some of the fillers in the injections that they gave her because she has a LOT of allergies.  She told them, but the didn't listen and gave them to her anyway.  She, of course, had severe reactions to them and they had to change course.  Her doctor mocked her faith during her greatest times of struggle and quoted grave statistics to her, but she persisted in her faith and she went from barely able to walk/sit/stand comfortably and using crutches to lately walking and bicycling.  I am so excited for her after being witness to her go through all that she did.  I am happy for her children and her husband who also experienced a lot of struggle through all of this.  God responded to her faith.  I completely believe that.   Its very exciting to witness!