Challenge #21 Coming Of Age

[john]

Hi Gang

The management of controversial teen pop idol Justine Beaver have contacted Songstuff with the stated aim of "Gettin' a damn plateenum record 'n' number one hit!".

Justine is very used to the limelight and this time has a cunning plan, and that plan centers around a song, a song they want a Songstuff writer to write.

Justine would like her song to hint of her well publicised love affair with Francis Blank, known as Effenbee in the music press, though Francis is not to be named. It will be enough to hint of love within the song story. On no account should the word love be mention as, in the words of Justine herself, "like that would very sooo embarrassing!".

Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

The song will be performed as modern R&B, but the song itself should be capable of being performed as rock, or country or any genre. Ie don't make it genre specific. Portability of the song to different genres is very important!

Topic wise, it should be a "coming of age" song

Although not about love it should include love in the lyrical story (not the simple word!)

It should include a 4 line rap

The song should allude to one current event

The song should allude to one global celebrity or politician currently in the press

It should not name Effenbee or Justine in person

The song should appeal to late teens

Justine will chose the winning song next Friday, December 13. Justine wants this song to be thee song associated with he, the song that represents her to the world. For this reason she wants as many songs to choose from as possible, therefore she had asked that each writer writes two songs.

Justine is nervous about this project. If it is going to represent her to the world. So, she has asked that each song is critiqued in the main lyrics forum. Please mark the song in the topic title with #21.

Cheers

John

[Vagdavercustis]

Wow, that's a lot of information.
What's a 'comming of age' song? Never heard of it before.

[LooknGlass]

Ok, I just joined this group, so I take it, that it involves hypothetical situations and people as an exercise to further our writing ability. This particular challenge definitely looks very challenging.

Wow, that's a lot of information.
What's a 'comming of age' song? Never heard of it before.

Hey V...Coming of age is a young person's transition from childhood to adulthood.

[john]

It's basically the transition from childhood to adulthood, though sometimes, less commonly, it applied to moving from pupil to teacher, amateur to pro etc.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_of_age

[john]

Ok, I just joined this group, so I take it, that it involves hypothetical situations and people as an exercise to further our writing ability. This particular challenge definitely looks very challenging.

Hey V...Coming of age is a young person's transition from childhood to adulthood.

 

Exactly, although we do build in real world scenarios and activities. the aim is for lyricists to work with realism, to expand skills and embrace activities that they otherwise avoid, and to learn to do them better so that when they do do them for real they are muc more effective at it. So we look to expand both songwriting skills and professional skills that songwriters use. In essence I act a bit like somewhere between the "writer development" department in a music publishing company and a personal manager.

[LooknGlass]

Exactly, although we do build in real world scenarios and activities. the aim is for lyricists to work with realism, to expand skills and embrace activities that they otherwise avoid, and to learn to do them better so that when they do do them for real they are muc more effective at it. So we look to expand both songwriting skills and professional skills that songwriters use. In essence I act a bit like somewhere between the "writer development" department in a music publishing company and a personal manager.

Thanks John..........Now does this particular exercise have to be serious or can the lyric(s) be humorous?

[john]

If your muse has looked at the spec and it's screaming humorous, so be it! As long as it works! Take the challenge seriously though

[Vagdavercustis]

My muse seems to be on vacation...
Welcome LooknGlass, hope you like it here as much as I do

[Kel]

Welcome Glass

[Rudi]

Two songs delivered.

All criteria addressed.

Don't feel obliged to critique

I'm done.

 

Worlds Collide

V1

I saw you coming at me from a distance

I thought I could withstand the impact

No you don’t scare me

So why am I helpless now? Tell me what happened

My safety is gone when you are near me

My safety is gone as you invade my world

Your persistence has broken my resistance

How come we are just boy & girl?

 

V2

My world had returned to a normal state

But it’s not the same & never shall be

No you don’t scare me

So why am I helpless now? Tell me what happened

My shelter is gone when you are near me

My shelter was gone when you crashed onto my world

Your existence has bridged the distance

Because now we are just boy & girl

 

Rap

Everything is flying out of orbit, you know you caused it

Or could it be me? I really thought I was free

Everything is spinning out of control. Help me someone, someone, someone

I cant see anything anymore, all I see is you and you and you and I on a long walk to freedom

 

Repeat V1

 

RZS AKA UNWISE BILL© 8-12-2013

 

 

When There’s Nobody Watching Us

 

V1

I’ve seen you on the TV

When I was you and you were me

Yes I know all about you

And you know all about me

 

V2

I wonder who we are

when there is nobody watching us

whatever’s left of us might be

the best of us. Don’t you see?

 

CHOR

 

Now you are looking at me from a magazine cover

I want to look inside

But your eyes are holding my gaze

Like you did as we shared those days

And I miss you more than I should

And I miss you more than I should

 

Rap

Lets live in that nasty country side by side

We can overlook the countryside abiding as those presiding

Fight and spit on Thursdays in Merseyside

And be ourselves when the world is not watching us

 

V3

And I wonder who you are

When you leave your pedestal

How much of you is still real

The part of you that can feel

 

REPEAT CHORUS

RZS AKA UNWISE BILL© 8-12-2013

[Kel]

Just a Tool

 

I see you struttin' round town

In your backward cap,

Acting as if you're a real cool cat.

But I know better,

You're just a scared little boy

Yeah, it's just an act,

Yeah, that's a fact.

 

You got your entourage

But you don't have me,

And now you know that you never will.

And I know somethin'

You don't want your fans to know

Yeah, but you can chill

Yeah, wait until...

 

RAP

I update my status and you're out in the cold

I found a real man and the truth be told

He's way better lookin' and he's got some moves,

He's in his own class yeah the man is smooth.

 

We saw you spit on your fans

Boy that ain't so cool

And nobody now will even follow you.

And I know somethin'

And the world will soon know it too,

Yeah, you is just a fool

Yeah, just a tool.

 

Obviously, the "event" is the infamous spitting on his fans incident that one Canadian teenage pop "star" seems to think is a great way to act, and maybe he is also the tool?

Oh, and Justine obviously has a new beau...

 

 

 

　

Remembered

 

I saw the news today

Told of a great man passing

I want to be remembered that way.

All I do is sing

Don't fix anything

How can I be remembered that way?

 

As I walk on the stage

I beam my sweetest smile

I want to be remembered this way.

When I start my show

Everybody knows

How can I be remembered this way?

 

RAP

I know you're there and always will be

By my side ready to support me

I want to leave a legacy

That's greatest than the world has seen...

 

And in the news today

A singer tries to change the world.

How I want to be remembered this way.

All I do is sing

My music has to bring

A way for me to be remembered this way.

 

Nelson Mandela's passing is the event as you probably guessed, and in this one Justine is expressing her wish to be remembered as he is. And hopefully she will  choose this song to do it...

 

Now to post in the Critique forum....

 

Cheers,

Kel

Edited December 10, 2013 by Kel

[LooknGlass]

Dang guys, I'm drawing a blank. I gotta get on this more tomorrow

[jamestoffee]

I posted my first submission here in the lyrics

 

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/33755-21-before-theres-an-after/

 

 

as stated in the assignment......."Justine is nervous about this project. If it is going to represent her to the world. So, she has asked that each song is critiqued in the main lyrics forum. Please mark the song in the topic title with #21."
 

[goldylocks]

My first song,.

 

Unstoppable

 

Verse

 

When I saw you at the Red Carpet ball

I was lost in your blue, blue eyes

You smiled and winked at me 

My feelings took me over by surprise

 

My face began to flush, turning bright red 

Like a school girl with her first crush

I felt my heart flutter

Blood ran all through my veins in such a rush 

 

Chorus

 

Unstoppable

Yes,unstoppable

I'm falling         

I'm trapped,      

Like a bird in a snare

There's no way out of this

When I close my eyes 

I can taste our first kiss

 

Verse:

 

Even, Obama wants to hear you sing

Dressed up in your famous disguise

But all I want to know

Is if your really a sincere guy

 

 

Chorus:

 

Unstoppable

Yes, unstoppable

I'm falling

I'm trapped

Like a bird in a snare

There's no way out of this

When I close my eyes

I can taste our first kiss

 

Rap

 

Your more to me than a boy that's only just a flirt

If you know my secret I'm afraid that I'll get hurt

It's unstoppable and I'll have to take chance with you

You dazzle me like a star, there's nothing I can do 

 

 

 

Goldy  

 

 

Second song

 

 

Fames a Hard Ride

 

 

I read about famous ones like me

Overwhelmed with wrong desires

Teenagers who committed suicide

Let drugs consume them up like fire

 

That's why I want you to be in my life

I can't sing in the light alone

If temptation knocks at my door

It won't find me all on my own

 

Fames a hard ride

It drives you out of reality

Takes you to a life of luxury

You climb false stairs

Leading to a downfall

Falling in a deep hole

While money robs your soul

Fames a hard ride 

 

I wish I could tell you just how I feel

Chills run up and down on my spine

I see your face in the tabloids

I dream about making you mine.

 

Fame's a hard ride

It drives you out of reality 

Takes you to a life of luxury

You climb false stairs

Leading to a downfall

Falling a deep hole

While money robs your soul

Fames a hard ride

 

Rap

 

Even though we both are on the same fame ride

We can help each other standing side by side

Keeping ourselves balanced talking every day

Then life doesn't have to sweep us both away 

 

Goldy    

Edited December 11, 2013 by goldylocks

[Kel]

Hi Goldy,

 

You might want to recount the syllables in your first line!

 

Nice effort, I think. I'd rethink the title to simply, "Unstoppable" but other than that all good for me.

 

Cheers,

Kel

[goldylocks]

Thanks Kel, for your comments, I changed it to Red Carpet Ball. I believe that's 10 syllables. I used the syllable counter for the other one too, but I guess it doesn't include MTV. I also changed the title, you always keep me on my toes and I appreciate it,

 

 

Goldy  

Edited December 11, 2013 by goldylocks

[Kel]

It was a job we'll done Goldy.

Cheers

Kel

[goldylocks]

Okay Kel, I'm going to make a few comments, . I like both your songs, I think they're fresh teen pop type lyrics. The second one seems more mature than the first one, a coming of age song, is what I mean. Justine recognizes the worth of the very beloved man Mandela and inspires to be like him. I can see the transition, from girl to more of a woman. Nice touch!

 

Goldy  

 

Just a Tool

 

I see you struttin' round town

In your backward cap,

Acting as if you're a real cool cat.

But I know better,

You're just a scared little boy

Yeah, it's just an act,

Yeah, that's a fact.

 

You got your entourage

But you don't have me,

And now you know that you never will.

And I know somethin'

You don't want your fans to know

Yeah, but you can chill

Yeah, wait until...

 

RAP

I update my status and you're out in the cold

I found a real man and the truth be told

He's way better lookin' and he's got some moves,

He's in his own class yeah the man is smooth.

 

We saw you spit on your fans

Boy that ain't so cool

And nobody now will even follow you.

And I know somethin'

And the world will soon know it too,

Yeah, you is just a fool/did you mean is or is it a typo? You're sounds better, unless your a home', lol.

Yeah, just a tool.

 

Obviously, the "event" is the infamous spitting on his fans incident that one Canadian teenage pop "star" seems to think is a great way to act, and maybe he is also the tool?

Oh, and Justine obviously has a new beau...

 

 

 

　

Remembered

 

I saw the news today

Told of a great man passing

I want to be remembered that way.

All I do is sing

Don't fix anything

How can I be remembered that way?

 

As I walk on the stage

I beam my sweetest smile

I want to be remembered this way.

When I start my show

Everybody knows

How can I be remembered this way?

 

RAP

I know you're there and always will be

By my side ready to support me

I want to leave a legacy

That's greatest than the world has seen...

 

And in the news today

A singer tries to change the world.

How I want to be remembered this way.

All I do is sing

My music has to bring

A way for me to be remembered this way.

 

Nelson Mandela's passing is the event as you probably guessed, and in this one Justine is expressing her wish to be remembered as he is. And hopefully she will  choose this song to do it...

 

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[john]

Remember the idea is to post them to the critique board....

[Kel]

Remember the idea is to post them to the critique board....

Yeah I remembered that after I put them here, but in here, they will always be available to anyone visiting, or revisiting the challenges, and I suggest everyone post here as well.

 

Cheers,

Kel