The Way I Lose Control.

[Dhananjay M Venkatesh]

Hi, sorry i couldn't upload a few more songs, i was participating in rap battles *mostly text battles* and i won all my stuff. Notes: verse 1 starts at 00:21, and the tempo, first line ends at 00:23 and second at 00:26. 

P.S i don't know what i should really title the song.

 

 

VERSE1*

when the beat starts im just lyrically busting

lyrically insane and my head's combusting

all of you hating cos im actually indulging

in rap and lyrics and other crap which im crafting

my parents hate me and anger reached the pinnacle

battling with fists, im still alive its a miracle

bleeding on the floor, my condition is critical

this is the shit that's making me cynical

trying to keep a balance with my studies and my raps

but i need to be respected, not treated like crap

sorry mom and dad but this is my one chance

i cant back down now, i have to try as much as i can

hence starts my journey of struggling to the top

when everyone pulls me down, ill fight till i rot 

I'm not an asshole i just don't give a f*ck a lot

now its my time to shine since they aint giving me squat

*hook*

this...is the way i lose control

like a maniac on my door

where the beats are so hardcore

and metal clangs on floors

yet i cant pretend to be nice

when my life's as cold as ice

and all i do is wear fake smiles

and hope this would be worthwhile

*VERSE 2*

now...my parents say im an irrelevant lump

screaming orders at me, like im Forrest Gump

but now im revolting and shooting gas like a skunk

these fags cant understand how mad i am 

its like a war zone 

in front of my family, 

the whole house blows

when my dad gets mad at me

and that's just why 

my lyrics fly straight at me

im a revolting kid ever since two thousand six

thats when my sis was born, sent me to river styx

cos after that i was a nobody, a dishonored kid

everyone forgot about me, guess i am garbage

but this just provides me a new fresh incentive

to go back and blast more rappers for my advantage

increase my popularity to prove im not banished

show my parents i am useful not a f*cking savage

*hook*

this...is the way i lose control

like a maniac on my door

where the beats are so hardcore

and metal clangs on floors

yet i cant pretend to be nice

when my life's as cold as ice

and all i do is wear fake smiles

and hope this would be worthwhile

*VERSE 3*

im not gonna quit, im gonna be persistent

its like an itch which you can not get rid of

why dont we know each other? why are we distant?

f*ck you, too late now,this is the most efficient 

way for me to show you what i got to suit my rage

the way you treat me and explode straight in my face

screaming "go and make some coffee bitch" like i am your slave

but revenge is best served cold so here's your coffee with hate

this maniac is done with you and your reviles

your orders and your crimes, your dictatorship and your mimes

but this time when i begin to feel sublime

and when my lyrics are first hand it defines who i am,

and who i want to become as i grow up

dont grow on my back and make me one of those choke-ups

But to fight against a parent, that is just hopeless

because all you do is threaten to render me homeless cos

*hook*

this...is the way i lose control

like a maniac on my door

where the beats are so hardcore

and metal clangs on floors

yet i cant pretend to be nice

when my life's as cold as ice

and all i do is wear fake smiles

and hope this would be worthwhile

 

this...is the way i lose control

like a maniac on my door

where the beats are so hardcore

and metal clangs on floors

yet i cant pretend to be nice

when my life's as cold as ice

and all i do is wear fake smiles

and hope this would be worthwhile

Edited May 9, 2014 by Dhananjay M Venkatesh

[tomcollins]

I like this , there are a few places I would use different words , but not sure if you are looking for that kind of input .

rap isn't my strong point to say the least , but for me this is well thought out and flows well and even better when the beat is set to it , !!

would like to see more of this and if you wanted input please say so ,

but for me the story line actually has meaning and a point which with some of the stuff out there , this surpasses it by far ,

rock on !!

[Dhananjay M Venkatesh]

thanks man! this means a lot to me, and yeah, i'd like to know some places where i should have used different words because right now what im doing online is just studying metaphors and similes like at its base form. as a rapper, i want some punchlines i can use so im just going through lyrics and stuff. if you have any suggestions, please tell me

[justsoulin]

Here's an idea - since you're asking us to read it to the video beat, why don't you make a recording and put this in parental section of Music & Recording Critique?

 

Please, always put any song/lyrics with profanity/language/drug use etc in parental sections. Thx

[Dhananjay M Venkatesh]

yeah, i'm really sorry for that but the thing is, i don't have a mic and i tried using my computer's in built mic but...its worse than a cat singing while sitting on a wall if you get my picture. really sorry about the parental thing, and yeah, i'm talking with one of the moderators or...left him a message...about how and where he records. i found a studio and its 1000 rs per hour but i can't use cash since
A. my parents don't know i rap but they also hate rap

B. they bought me a mic but it needed phantom power and the computer couldn't support it and my parents don't want me to waste money on buying an amp. 

so yeah, the closest i can get to make you guys understand is by doing this...sorry about that

[justsoulin]

Ok

[Blazeit27]

My only critique is that is very(too) packed. The way I see it, when the beat starts & You start; to keep up, you'll have to spit it all in one breath. This, though talent-showing(rapping quick) isn't something that people would want to 'bump' in their car. If you want to be listened to that way, I'd say remove any lines you don't feel 100% about; giving room to the track & time to the listener to take in your "spit."

What I enjoy from your lyrics is how Raw it comes up, The beat is great for them & if I may, I suggest the title: Cynical Miracle.

[Dhananjay M Venkatesh]

Haha thanx for the advice and yes, I like the idea. Well... I like going chopper but... We all like different categories in rapping

Peace

[Johnny Longfellow]

very nice

[omenrama]

The first two lines have the word lyrically in them. It makes it sound lazy. Anyway, this feels like some good old offspring angst. Parents just don't understand:)