Change Of Tune

[LooknGlass]

This is what a 50 year olds first rap turns out like...I may suck, but hey, it was fun

 

 

 

 

I hate rap with a passion,  it's all talk and it's trash and

crass with no fashion, it's a fad that needs passin

Why am I rappin

when I'm flappin

my gums of this crap then?

I'm drunk and I'm bored, this genre abhorred

can't be ignored, when I hear it all day

Decided to try it, to view it inside it, so I could deride it

and go on my way

But lo and behold, if the truth is to be told, as it starts to unfold

and I'm puttin this down

It's startin to take, I'm startin to wake. now this takes the cake

I'm comin around

I'm Gettn the deal, as I jot down and spiel, the words that I feel,

man this is unreal

I'm feelin bolder and better, unfettered and free

not tethered to whatever was holding back me

My friends, they'll cringe, call me unhinged, say it's a sin, that rap is just crap

Why dis it, dismiss it, list it as lame

If you haven't tried it, to deride it's, a shame

It's not all crap, not all rap is the same

Some I'll ignore and some I'll be game

Hey what can I say, my tune has been changed

I love rap with a passion,  know why it's in fashion

It's time this song ends, I got beats to arrange.

[Dhananjay M Venkatesh]

hahaha i like the twist but to be honest, the syllable count was a bit off awesome though

peace

[nihalkolar]

Its pretty cool man!
But ....the syllable counter 

[tomcollins]

my oh my !!! can I

[Medi]

This is what a 50 year olds first rap turns out like...I may suck, but hey, it was fun

 

 

 

 

 

Lol some parts of this were actually very good. the odd syllable count didn't bother me, some lines can be longer than others and it still flows. Overall I liked the idea of this, the twist was cool too, and some of the lines showed a good vocabulary and grasp of form. However, some of this seemed to be 'filler'.

 

Can I tinker with it?

 

I hate rap with a passion,  it's all face, talk and trash,

crass with no fashion, just a fad thatt'll pass,

So ask why I'm rappin,

why am I flappin

my gums with this crap then?

I'm drunk  writin' captions,

undercutting this rap shit.

this genre abhorred

Must not be ignored,  I hear it all day

Decided to try it, view it inside it, so I could deride it

and be on my way

But lo and behold, the truth to be told as it starts to unfold

and I'm puttin this down

I'm startin to wake. now this takes the cake:

Shit, I'm comin around!

I'm gettin this deal as I jot down and spiel the words that I feel,

man this is unreal

I'm feelin bolder and better, unfettered and free

not tethered to whatever held back my release,

Call me unhinged,, say that rap should be binned,

But don't dismiss it again

If you haven't tried it, to deride it's, a shame, a spin explicit as sin

It's not all crap, cause not all rap is the same

Some I'll defame, but sometimes I'll get it,

sometimes I'll be game

Hey what can I say, I think maybe my view has been changed

I love rap with a passion these days, 

Now I got beats to arrange.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Medi

[omenrama]

Damn it I want to start an argument with you but I cannot help but kind of agree. Your first rhyme was pretty good (for what it is) and the fact that you don't even like rap is what made it interesting for me. I plead with you to take a look at some of my writing on here; It won't change your opinion but maybe I can show you that Rap as a form apart from music can be an effective and beautiful  tool for discourse and rhetoric as well as personal expression. I'll give you one thing - You accurately and efficiently expressed what it was you were feeling about a specific topic; Where I can only conceptualize in cold, disconnected abstractions.

[Johnny Longfellow]

love it