New Music Friday #22

[john]

Hi Gang

 

It’s dun dun dun… time for New Music Friday!

 

Please post up your current music projects. Anything from a melody, to a 1+1, through to a full production. Be as experimental as you want.

 

I will post up yet another 1 take song I recorded on my phone a little bit later. 

 

Cheers

John

[john]

@GregB I moved our convo about New Music Friday, and copyright protection to it’s own topic. Although highly related, it is also a very different topic with a very different purpose. I hope that’s ok.

 

 

[McnaughtonPark]

Last week I shared a shot of the process I sometimes use when creating a lyric, a story board/ scratch idea sheet that can get a little crowded but is very useful for finding words and developing a lyric.

 

This week, it was a different experience.  I sang this lyric into existence, on the way to work.  Of course when I got to work I couldn’t remember everything I had, but the story was there and the hook so I set to writing.  The whole scratch process took an hour or so.  Since, I’ve only been editing the meter and replacing some words with others I thought were more singable.

(Sorry for the horrible recording, I didn’t think ahead so this is thru the microphone in my hearing aid which is Bluetooth to my phone.)
 

https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/j4Xb1R3Eq2GYfLkWA

 

Emily

 

He wrote Emily 

Song about a woman who’d never done anything wrong

Red candy apple and flowing hot into the wind

Boys would say she was lose as a penny machine

That wasn’t how he saw her, but he knew she was secret to keep

 

He wrote Emily

The line he was chasing disappeared up under her skirt

Louis Vuitton on a shoulder he would love to caress 

Girls would say she was determined to draw the right man

He saw her different, she was livin’ keep from drowning again

 

Emily

Girl who shows around here but once in a chance

Cartier held moments when their eyes had the courage to meet

Sat a little taller while her story rolled off of his tongue 

She would blush a little warmer walking home as her story was sung

 

 

Edited April 17, 2022 by McnaughtonPark

[Just1L]

Haven't heard a scratch vocal like that from you since Paperdoll Girl. Has the makings of a good one. I know it's rough still. Only thought, or suggestion, is to consider ways to say the same thing but a little smoother in a spot or two. Example being in the last line of the first verse: Coming off of "That wasn't how he saw her," ... "he just knew she" is slightly clunkier than "but he knew she." Just rolls off the tongue a little easier and makes it easier for you, the singer, to get those words out.  I've had to do this several times and it's helped me with my quite a bit. In that example I even would have written, or sung it, "Buddy knew she" just to help me get it down pat.

 

Great to hear from you. Can't wait to get back to it at some point.

[McnaughtonPark]

Those are exactly the kind of edits I’m looking for!  Thanks Randy.  If I told you Emily actually represents a lyric posted in the Lyric Critique forum and not a girl, does it hold water?  

[Just1L]

I think so. I got that it was a song about a song someone wrote. But what is the song he wrote about? I did figure your song was mentioning a song someone wrote but I did assume it was about a girl named Emily. Especially in the third verse where I also took it as Emily, after hearing the song, felt better about herself.

[Just1L]

Looked at lyrics again since those were the edits you were looking for and got another one.

This line sounds smoother as: High heels and thighs disappeared up under her skirt.

 

EDIT: I believe that changes the meaning to potentially mean the high heals disappear.

Maybe: High heels with thighs disappearing up under her skirt.

Edited April 15, 2022 by Just1L

[McnaughtonPark]

2 minutes ago, Just1L said:

Looked at lyrics again since those were the edits you were looking for and got another one.

This line sounds smoother as: High heels and thighs disappeared up under her skirt.

I think I had that once, I was concerned about the meaning.  I don’t want it to say the high heels also disappear.  But, I changed just to see.

[Just1L]

I had to go back and edit my post as I came to that same conclusion. I reworded it but honestly I'm not as convinced about that second change I offered as I am the first.

 

Honestly, just doing that one first critique brought a rush of happy musical thoughts I hadn't had in a few years. Thank you for that. Maybe, just maybe, I got carried away!

Edited April 15, 2022 by Just1L

[McnaughtonPark]

16 minutes ago, Just1L said:

I had to go back and edit my post as I came to that same conclusion. I reworded it but honestly I'm not as convinced about that second change I offered as I am the first.

 

Honestly, just doing that one first critique brought a rush of happy musical thoughts I hadn't had in a few years. Thank you for that. Maybe, just maybe, I got carried away!

Hit it brother!

[McnaughtonPark]

And the line of her stocking disappears up under her skirt?

 

The line he was chasing disappeared up under her skirt

Edited April 15, 2022 by McnaughtonPark

[john]

I played it a tiny bit too fast and made a few mistakes, but it kind of gives you the idea.

 

 

Say

 

Verse

 

It seems extraordinary we should have no fear

Of the sun and rising tides

Or that the world we live in and all its' glory

Could turn to dust and die

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say

 

Verse

 

Like convenience junkies, pain of withdrawal

Seems too high a price

The pill is sugar coated, so it goes down easy

To hide the bitterness inside

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say

 

Bridge

 

Why, oh why must we

All toe the line

Each want and need fulfilled for

All to see, for all to see sometimes

 

Verse

 

In pathetic ritual we act out lives

Numbed by our senseless greed

Forever standing, our hands outreaching

Always, always wanting more

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say…

 

 

 

[McnaughtonPark]

Holy cow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you play like that.  There’s no love it button but I would choose that one.

 

lyrically, some trimming?  After the last line of the chorus, “when I say”,  I wanted the first line that follows it to be, I don’t know, the hook I guess.  “When I say” feels like a set up for a hook, and not the hook itself.  

im looking for the meaning to what I’m trying to say,  I think about it often, we have it too easy.  Electricity, light switches, ovens, running water, air conditioning, it ain’t a tough life.

[Steve Mueske]

@john I'll be happy to discuss my deleted comment privately. I was feeling uncomfortable about the level of detail when that's not really the point of NMF. I didn't and don't want to discourage participation for anyone on the fence about joining in.

[john]

47 minutes ago, Steve Mueske said:

@john I'll be happy to discuss my deleted comment privately. I was feeling uncomfortable about the level of detail when that's not really the point of NMF. I didn't and don't want to discourage participation for anyone on the fence about joining in.

No worries Steve. Thanks for taking time to listen! Happy to talk about it wherever

[john]

12 hours ago, McnaughtonPark said:

Holy cow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you play like that.  There’s no love it button but I would choose that one.

 

lyrically, some trimming?  After the last line of the chorus, “when I say”,  I wanted the first line that follows it to be, I don’t know, the hook I guess.  “When I say” feels like a set up for a hook, and not the hook itself.  

im looking for the meaning to what I’m trying to say,  I think about it often, we have it too easy.  Electricity, light switches, ovens, running water, air conditioning, it ain’t a tough life.

hey MP

 

Thanks! I can’t think of another acoustic funk song?

 

I had debated having a line after “say” or not. There’s no harm in trying a line out. I had left it hanging deliberately, like an old cliff-hanger in a tv series, but yes it might not work. I thought a rousing chorus of “We’re all going to die” (lol) might be too cheesy. Songs like this walk a very fine line in sounding too preachy. I was hoping to err on the side of it being engaging.

 

I’ve a bunch more songs to post. I’ve really enjoyed posting the songs so far and seeing the reactions to each one. I’m looking forward to recording them as simple 1+1 songs and as more complex arrangements.

 

Thanks for taking the time MP. Much appreciated.

[McnaughtonPark]

23 hours ago, john said:

I was hoping to err on the side of it being engaging.

I’ve only read through the lyrics with this is mind, but maybe something like,

 

” I don’t want to deceive you when I say, 

there’s more to come.” 
 

I get what the lyric does by not having the line, leaving it open, holding back.   I think that perhaps, the technique works better in the 2nd bar or third, probably second.  you wouldn’t really know it was missing in the first, and in the fourth it may need a longer set up, and perhaps a build up then a drop in the beat to emphasize it.

that in all theory and conjecture, but you made me think, so thank you for that.

[Just1L]

Folk-Funk! I dig it. This works really well as it is. Similar to MPs song, only thoughts are to get rid of a few extraneous words to let the words flow smoother. An an example in the opening line:

It seems extraordinary we should have no fear

It seems extraordinary to have no fear

But knowing this is a WIP, whether with getting rid of a few words, or just practicing the performance, those things tend to get smoothed out during the process. Loved the dynamite guitar playing. It makes me want to grab the guitar and give it a shot!

Funk-On!

Edited April 18, 2022 by Just1L

[john]

Thanks for your comments guys. Useful all.
 

Oops! Did I accidentally start a new genre? Lol I’m damn sure someone must have done it before, right now I just can’t think of anyone!

[James Anderson]

On 4/15/2022 at 11:38 PM, john said:

I played it a tiny bit too fast and made a few mistakes, but it kind of gives you the idea.

 

 

Say

 

Verse

 

It seems extraordinary we should have no fear

Of the sun and rising tides

Or that the world we live in and all its' glory

Could turn to dust and die

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say

 

Verse

 

Like convenience junkies, pain of withdrawal

Seems too high a price

The pill is sugar coated, so it goes down easy

To hide the bitterness inside

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say

 

Bridge

 

Why, oh why must we

All toe the line

Each want and need fulfilled for

All to see, for all to see sometimes

 

Verse

 

In pathetic ritual we act out lives

Numbed by our senseless greed

Forever standing, our hands outreaching

Always, always wanting more

 

Chorus

 

You don't want to believe me

Don't want it to be that way

I don't want to deceive you

When I say…

 

 

 

record   and   release