Challenge #10 Abstract Lyrics

[john]

Hi Gang

I think this should be an interesting and eye opening challenge for several of you this week as literal lyrics have predominated submissions so far.

This week's challenge is to write some abstract lyrics that still manage convey emotion and a thread of storyline from this month's news. Please include a link to the news item.

But your challenge doesn't stop there...

To write the lyrics you should use one or both of either cut-up technique or fold-in technique. You may well have heard of these techniques but not necessarily known the technique names.

David Bowie has used cut-ups since the early 70s and the technique influenced the songwriting of Kurt Cobain. Thom Yorke used a similar method in Radiohead's Kid A album. They wrote single lines, put them into a hat, and drew them out randomly while the band rehearsed.

Cut-up - Take a finished, totally linear text and cut it into pieces with a few or single words on each bit. An easy way being a print out for a more tactile experience, or use post-it sticky notes. The resulting bits are then rearranged into new text. Picking a suitable piece of text can take a little effort but that effort is worthwhile.

Fold-in - Take two pages of linear text (same linespacing), fold each page in half vertically and combine each with the other, then read across the combined page.

Now edit to improve the flow and intergrity of the lyrics, taking the output of the stage above and smoothing out the bumps into a cohesive set of lyrics.

Please tell us what text you used for the cut-up or fold-in. You are not limited to one piece of source text though for complimentary flavours you may find the same source writer works best.

My preference would be that you use Cut-up as it yields better results to my mind and is far more satisfying for the writers. In many ways this is simply fuel for your imaginations, but it can also encourage you to use vocabulary and phrasing out with your norm and to express something using creative use of imagery originally purposes for something else.

Lastly your lyrics should contain at least one simile, allegory or metaphor. You may find a mix works well.

To recap:

Abstract lyrics

Written with cut-up and/or fold-in techniques

Has to be both emotive and hold the thread of a newsworthy story

It should contain at least one simile, allegory, or metaphor.

This does not need to be a long exercise. Far from it, however you will likely find it takes a little longer if it is your first ever cut-up or fold in.

In every case I have seen writers try this they have been pleasantly surprised with the results. This group is about challenges, so please try this. I hope you enjoy both the journey and the destination!

Cheers

John

[Kel]

I have a few abstract metaphors in my mind right now!

[john]

Have I made it too easy? Damn I knew I should have made it "write a happy song about execution" where humour is not allowed.

[Kel]

He's killing me softly, with this song.... no wait, been done!

 

Earl's gotta die!... Damn, that's been done too!

 

We put the needle in

Take the safety cap off

We let the poison seep

Whoa look at that froth!

 

There, done!

[john]

And the item of news was?

And the source text was?

[john]

Lol

I have a diagram which might help

Mwuahahaha

Couldn't resist.

[Kel]

silly boy, that was to the happy excecution song without humour!

 

Tsk Tsk

[Rudi]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23724066

Untitled

 

Roll and rock n stolen rock and beef upon a reef

Parole a shoal of sole you stole on who can prove a thief

Polly’s motif trafficking stop traffic at the dock

Can Jose afford disorder at the border of a rock

 

Jose allay a green ole amid dilemma horns

Poly sawn two lines of pawns stranded and forlorn

I only want to be at home and out of noise and heat

Jose and Poly push &  pull for every pawns defeat

 

_____________________

 

Abstract lyrics : Poly's motif (you figure it out)
Written with cut-up and/or fold-in techniques : cut up. Used line numbers which were randomised & re-ordered and made to rhyme again.

Has to be both emotive and hold the thread of a newsworthy story : see link
It should contain at least one simile, allegory, or metaphor.: pawns

 

This took 30 minutes. TWICE as long as I had allowed myself (you scamp John!)

 

Rudi

[goldylocks]

http://angelforisrael.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/revelation/

This is written from a post for

Taking Back America One Post At A Time

I'm not sure if I have a metaphor or simile in this

can someone help with this. Thanks

Cut up tex

Road of Revelation

I behind then with millions

Had come four disappear rider

I his lying from horses in

The dead always heard fire

The earth all coming last

Been a sky last around-

As after a clap trembled-

Upon Jesus came sound

Then religion I doubter

Crossed me a thunder soul

Man's second blue horse angel

Trumpets gathering mind blow

When eyes of red Revelation

Saints of pale I saw road

Man horse beside whole

Black snow burning coal

On white sky as I begin

Orange glow cities heard

Red cries horse coming

Sun air judged each word

Edited August 18, 2013 by goldylocks

[john]

http://angelforisrael.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/revelation/

This is written from a post for

Taking Back America News Article

I behind then with millions

Had come four disappear rider

I his lying from horses in

The dead always heard fire

The earth all coming last

been a sky last around-

As after a clap trembled-

upon Jesus me I came sound

Then religion I doubter

Crossed me a thunder soul

Man's second blue horse angel

Trumpets gathering mind blow

When eyes of red I Revelation

Saints of pale I saw road

Man horse black where whole

Black snow burning coal

On white sky as I begin

Orange glow cities heard

Red cries horse coming

Sun air judged each word

 

Hey Sandy

 

Did you use Fold up for this? I ask because the grammar doesn't scan properly, though you can correct that during the edit. The text has thrown up some nice images, but for me it could make some more sense than it does.

 

How did you go about creating the lyrics Sandy? I say that because I think there is room to improve the lyrics you currently have and I would be interested to see which part of the process isn't quite working yet so that we can tweak it until you would be happy to use this technique in the future.

 

Cheers

 

John

[goldylocks]

Hey Sandy

 

Did you use Fold up for this? I ask because the grammar doesn't scan properly, though you can correct that during the edit. The text has thrown up some nice images, but for me it could make some more sense than it does.

 

How did you go about creating the lyrics Sandy? I say that because I think there is room to improve the lyrics you currently have and I would be interested to see which part of the process isn't quite working yet so that we can tweak it until you would be happy to use this technique in the future.

 

Cheers

 

John

John, I read the post on Taking Back America and had written this.

I had always been a doubter

No religion crossed my mind.

When I saw a man on a horse

coming up from behind-

Then I heard a clap of thunder-

I saw blue eyes of fire

as the horse white as snow

Came upon me with his rider

The earth trembled-

upon me came a second horse of red

I saw the sky begin to glow-

then saw millions lying dead-

The last 2 horses took me by surprise-

One was pale, the other black as coal.

I heard cries come from all around-

As Jesus judged each soul

Chorus:

Didn't know where I was going-

Didn't know where I would be-

When I saw four horses coming after me-

Then I knew I was on Revelation Road

Bridge:

I saw the whole world burning, burning-

The orange sun disappear in the sky.

I heard angels blow their trumpets

Gathering Saints as I went by

Then I printed it and cut up the sentences and words, piecing it together trying to make it have some sense. And came up with what you read. I added a few extra words also. I have no clue how to make it abstract and make sense. I would appreciate your help. As you know I'm lousy at grammar.

Sandy (goldy)

I tried a rewrite, because I wanted to try to do it on my own. Is this make more sense? It ain't easy!

Road of Revelation

Behind them with millions

Came a horse fourth rider

His cities always disappeared

The dead always heard fire

All earth is coming

To a sky last around-

After a clap trembled-

Upon Jesus came sound

Then the religion of doubter

Crossed a thunder like soul

Man's blue horse second angel

Gathered mind trumpets to blow

Eyes of Revelation red

Saw Saints on the pale road

Beside a whole man horse

Burning black snow coal

I walked up the sky white

Where orange glows were heard

World cries horses coming

Sun judged each air word

Edited August 19, 2013 by goldylocks

[Rudi]

I behind then with millions

Had come four disappear rider

I his lying from horses in

The dead always heard fire

The earth all coming last

Been a sky last around-

As after a clap trembled-

Upon Jesus came sound

 

 

Sounds like its been dictated by master Yoda it does...

 

Very ambitious effort.

 

Crossed a thunder like soul

 

Maybe 'soul' could be your simile?

I know you didn't mean it like that, but I would love to see anyone prove otherwise.

[goldylocks]

Sounds like its been dictated by master Yoda it does...

 

Very ambitious effort.

 

Maybe 'soul' could be your simile?

I know you didn't mean it like that, but I would love to see anyone prove otherwise.

Thank you Rudi for your help. I read yours and got the idea of grammar from it. I thought yours was very abstract, yet it made sense, with your grammar and your vivid imagery. Very nice lyric!

John explained to me, it can be abstract, but it should make some sense. So I don't know if you noticed but I rewrote it and this version, I think it makes some sense_

REWRITE_________________3

Road of Revelation

Behind the millions

Came a horse the fourth rider

Earth's cities disappeared

The dead saw fire

The earth was lying

In the last sky around-

After judgement trembled-

And Jesus clappped a sound

Then the religion of doubter

Crossed a thunder like soul

Man's second horse blue angel

Gathered mind trumpets to blow

The eyes of red Revelation

Saw Saints on the pale road

Beside a man's horse

Burning black snow coal

I walked up the white sky

Where the orange glow seered

The lost gathered the world

The sun cried over each word

Again, thanks for your encouraging comments and help

Goldy

Edited August 20, 2013 by goldylocks

[Kel]

She almost choked on cornflakes 

watching "Good Morning America

This wasn't prime time

Did that just flash on my TV screen? 

 

Her explicit steamy sex scene

a pair of naked actors

went to commercial

In front of 8-year-old Andy?!

 

She posted it to Facebook

inappropriate

cornflakes and coffee 

Is entertainment

 

My kid saw that!

Explicit cornflakes and coffee 

Wholly inappropriate for his age

I rewound, took a photo...

 

Good Morning America

Beamed into her living room.

Good Morning America

She ate breakfast with her son.

 

Facebook said quit parenting

Enjoy your steamy sex scene with your son.

It is like a pair of actors

beamed into her living room,

Just like Good Morning America

Her son was in another room!

 

 

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/mum8217s-scathing-8216morning-sex8217-blog-post-goes-viral/story-fnet085v-1226699607606

 

One of the reasons I never liked Dark Side Of The Moon or anything by Hendrix, was because I'm convinced you have to be stoned to appreciate it and to me abstract lyrics are ridiculous. Having said that, I've completed the challenge, though I can't see myself ever resorting to this style of lyric writing.

 

Kel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 19, 2013 by Kel

[john]

Hi Kel

I'm glad you tried despite it not being your thing, though it is a pity. Certainly if you did this thinking "I'm going to hate this" it isn't surprising that you wouldn't have enjoyed it.

Perhaps a part of the issue is your idea of what "abstract" means, as you seem to express it in a fairly narrow definition of 60s/70s psychedelic artists. Certainly they did use abstract, but almost certainly they were also stoned lol

I would point out there are many levels of abstract, psychedelia being just one narrow realisation. For example you have no doubt thought in abstract terms many times today. Some people are definitely more concrete thinkers than others, however to think in terms of abstraction is one of the key features of modern man. You can think in terms of abstraction yet remain very meaningful, conveying loads of feeling. I quite often find that people think abstract means something strange, when it doesn't mean that... though there are plenty of Jim Morrison wanna bes out there. We all look at scenes with our own perspectives, and no two people would describe the same events in the same way.

For example. Two people sitting next to each other using smartphones. Three people view them. One person sees them as two people sitting next to each other using smartphones, the second views it as a comment on society and the isolationism of being connected. The third sees emotional separation yet companionship symbolising "the youth of today". The first view is a literal, concrete view. The second and third views are however abstract views.

A good example of everyday abstract is the use of symbols or symbolism. They are an abstraction of an event. A stick figure is an abstraction of a human being. I think you would agree you don't need to be stoned to appreciate stick figures. (try not being appreciative next time you tell the gents from the ladies toilets in a bar, or when you know it's safe to cross the road). Our world is packed full of abstractions from crosses in churches, to icons on your computer desktop... It is how we use them that makes a difference, and the creativity we apply in the process. Just as you are not Jim Morrison, you don't need to express yourself as he would have.

For this challenge much of the imagery depends on your source piece of text, however you pick the text, and the topic, and you are the one who combines the words and/or phrases, you guide how they are put together, you decide to use a hook line or a chorus, you decide where emotion is expressed and how. You decide just how abstract the final piece is, how far removed from a simple, literal, concrete re-telling of a story.

Certainly the intention was not to get everyone to write something weird and stoneresque or for it to be like a punishment detail or endurance exercise.

I'll have a good read at all the lyrics again tomorrow and try and leave some comments.

PS interesting you should mention Dark Side Of The Moon. While Floyd have certainly written many songs that were quite abstract in nature, and indeed some pretty abstract albums, there are several very literal songs on that album, and the level of abstraction of the more abstract songs on the album is much less than many, many rock or pop albums.

[Kel]

Hi John, for such an open minded individual I can be quite judgmental and pre-judge things quite a bit. It's not that I didn't have fun, who can't have fun with Good Morning America, corn flakes and sex scenes?

I prefer to think that I can imagine a situation and tell a story without resorting to what seems to me, a lazy or haphazard way of coming up with lyrics. Perhaps if I was relying on my songwriting to put dinner on the table I might resort to the more "unorthodox" approaches, I seriously doubt it though. I suppose I also misinterpreted the "abstract", but it was more the cut and paste or folding I was objecting to. 

 

And as for Dark Side Of The Moon, I was forced to listen to a few of the songs on the album in school, I had no choice. All the stoners loved it. I thought it was crap and always have. When that album won the 1981 rock station all time best rock albums countdown, I stopped listening to that station. I still haven't heard it all, and don't ever care to. Just like I'll never listen to a full Kings of Leon album, or Foo Fighters, or U2 for that matter. They are probably excellent musicians with deep and meaningful lyrics, I don't know and I probably never will. I simply lost interest in "rock" after 1995.

 

Oh oh, I feel a yee haa coming on!

 

Kel

[Rudi]

Goldy, 

John explained to me, it can be abstract, but it should make some sense. So I don't know if you noticed but I rewrote it and this version, I think it makes some sense_

 

Yes I did miss your re-write. Appologies for that.

 

The grammer is much improved, but I think it makes little more sense. Its only because I have a passing aquaintence with the source material that I can understand some of it. I get about 50% of it, or at least I think I understand 50% of it.

 

Interestingly, the original version make about the same amount of sense to me (about half). The original was like a model of a song I did last year. The idea was to shatter the lyric and re-assemble the pieces. The meaning should still come through albeit in an odd way. I think your original does that.

 

I find myself actually preferring it to the rewrite. Its partly because of the 're-assembly' take and partly because it masks the baroque language which sounds very King James. As beautiful as that language is, it looks innappropriate in a contemporary song.

 

You obviously worked hard on this. I commend you!

 

Rudi

 

PS.

I wondered before. Is the source material connected to this month's news?

It looks about 2,000 years old.

[Rudi]

Kel,

 

It looks a remarkably straightforward account to me. I’m not sure if I understand it so well because of the quality your writing or because it fails the remit of the challenge re: cut-up technique or fold-in technique/abstract ?

 

I can’t imagine it being sung. Well, I can; but only if I concentrate hard.

 

Your work really excels in in the ‘convey emotion’ part of the challenge though. This is more important, I think for an actual working lyric, and I like it best for this main reason.

 

atb

Rudi

[john]

Hi John, for such an open minded individual I can be quite judgmental and pre-judge things quite a bit. It's not that I didn't have fun, who can't have fun with Good Morning America, corn flakes and sex scenes?

I prefer to think that I can imagine a situation and tell a story without resorting to what seems to me, a lazy or haphazard way of coming up with lyrics. Perhaps if I was relying on my songwriting to put dinner on the table I might resort to the more "unorthodox" approaches, I seriously doubt it though. I suppose I also misinterpreted the "abstract", but it was more the cut and paste or folding I was objecting to. 

 

And as for Dark Side Of The Moon, I was forced to listen to a few of the songs on the album in school, I had no choice. All the stoners loved it. I thought it was crap and always have. When that album won the 1981 rock station all time best rock albums countdown, I stopped listening to that station. I still haven't heard it all, and don't ever care to. Just like I'll never listen to a full Kings of Leon album, or Foo Fighters, or U2 for that matter. They are probably excellent musicians with deep and meaningful lyrics, I don't know and I probably never will. I simply lost interest in "rock" after 1995.

 

Oh oh, I feel a yee haa coming on!

 

Kel

 

Hey Kel

 

I'm glad you did then at least enjoy the challenge. Would you revise your lyrics based upon a change in understaning of abstract?

 

I can understand why you might not want to use the technique for the reason you mention, although you can use the technique as an ideas creator/suggestor. Using the technique, even to create finished lyrics, I would still expect a significant amount of original writing to help make the various ideas to work together smoothly. As Sandy is finding the technique may produce some interesting images, it can still take significant work to then turn it into a finished, sensible piece. It can be quick to do, depending on source material, but that is not a given. Less copy-paste, more copy-paste, modify, tweak, move, modify, tweak, rinse and repeat. LOL

 

Where I think it can be very good is finding mind-catching, hooky, abstract images and flows and ways of expression that you would not normally have thought of.

 

Not for everyone I grant you, and as I said to begin with it suits some styles and genres more than others. For me I am glad you tried it as a challenge. As well as being interesting and fun I want these challenges to open up the breadth of experience for writers, for them to try new things and consider new possibilities as that often provides fertile ground for the creation of something truly new and exciting for them. Like any such process, for individuals some things will be more successful than others, but to at least try them is a useful exercise in itself.

 

Rest assured I will not be forcing you to listen to Dark Side Of The Moon lol Taste is taste. Crossing genre boundaries is not always easy or comfortable for writers of any kind. That applies to listening as much as writing! lol

[john]

Thank you Rudi for your help. I read yours and got the idea of grammar from it. I thought yours was very abstract, yet it made sense, with your grammar and your vivid imagery. Very nice lyric!

John explained to me, it can be abstract, but it should make some sense. So I don't know if you noticed but I rewrote it and this version, I think it makes some sense_

REWRITE_________________

Road of Revelation

Behind them with millions

Came a horse fourth rider

His cities always disappeared

The dead always heard fire

All earth is coming

To a sky last around-

After a clap trembled-

Upon Jesus came sound

Then the religion of doubter

Crossed a thunder like soul

Man's blue horse second angel

Gathered mind trumpets to blow

Eyes of Revelation red

Saw Saints on the pale road

Beside a whole man horse

Burning black snow coal

I walked up the sky white

Where orange glows were heard

World cried horses coming

Sun judged each air word

Again, thanks for your encouraging comments and help

Goldy

 

Hey

 

When looking at the individual images I am not always sure I know what they mean within the context of your piece, and I am not sure that you as the writer always are either. Just like using any image ni a normal set of lyrics there should be clear purpose in your head as to what each bit means and why you use it.

 

That I think is the issue with writing a set of lyrics and then using that for the cut up, rather than cutting up an orginal piece of prose.... you have already reduced the range of text you can draw on and filtered the types of images created. What you do have is more likely to be stylistically closer to your usual language.

 

Where I think you could give yourself more wiggle room is how you stitch the cuts together... you can use glue text drawn from outside your source text, ie text to help the flow and grammar.

 

Another thing I would point out is the same I pointed out to Kel, the use of lyrical hooks, refrain or chorus... they can still all be used with this technique.

 

Grammar wise your glue text could really help:

 

"Came a horse fourth rider"

 

makes no grammatical sense

 

"Came a horse with the fourth rider" would make sense (within the context of that line at least)

 

I hope this helps

 

Cheers

 

John