Challenge #18 Current Affairs

[Kel]

I liked it too, well done!

 

Kel

[Rudi]

Can't Stop the War Games

 

Hi Goldy,

 

I have followed each incarnation of the song (& hubbys manful interpretation)

 

This is a Gods eye view of the trouble, or at least a distant overview of it. It’s certainly clever, with the chess theme and the nod to other media.

 

The only thing to limit it IMO is the world-wearied style. I could almost imagine Frank Sinatra jawing this away with a smoke hanging from a corner of his mouth sat at a piano. It’s not cynical, but it’s close to defeatist.

 

Perhaps people assaulted by war become like that eventually, but not while they are in the midst of it.  I’m not sure that remote and clever serves the challenge best.

 

The description of violence is creative, like someone describing film footage. I don’t feel it has the sentiment that the antagonists could get behind and feel it supports them.

 

Goldy. Don’t misunderstand me. This is a good lyric. You worked hard at it. Its creative and it has something of you in there.

 

It doesn’t answer the challenge well as I see it though. John threw a tricky one at us this time.

[goldylocks]

Can't Stop the War Games

 

Hi Goldy,

 

I have followed each incarnation of the song (& hubbys manful interpretation)

 

This is a Gods eye view of the trouble, or at least a distant overview of it. It’s certainly clever, with the chess theme and the nod to other media.

 

The only thing to limit it IMO is the world-wearied style. I could almost imagine Frank Sinatra jawing this away with a smoke hanging from a corner of his mouth sat at a piano. It’s not cynical, but it’s close to defeatist.

 

Perhaps people assaulted by war become like that eventually, but not while they are in the midst of it.  I’m not sure that remote and clever serves the challenge best.

 

The description of violence is creative, like someone describing film footage. I don’t feel it has the sentiment that the antagonists could get behind and feel it supports them.

 

Goldy. Don’t misunderstand me. This is a good lyric. You worked hard at it. Its creative and it has something of you in there.

 

It doesn’t answer the challenge well as I see it though. John threw a tricky one at us this time.

Hey Rudi, this is just a rough draft, seeing what it sounds like without the bridge that I'll will be at the end of the song, which is first person. Thanks for your comments and your opinion is always valued, yes it was a tough challenge.  

 

Bridge

:

I'm tripping on rubble running on torn streets

Streams of fear pour down my son's cheeks

My heart's on fire escaping this horror 

Shots whizz by us, fleeing to Jordan's door 

 

Outro:

Kingdoms will rise

Kingdoms will fall

No, you can't stop the war game

Where the winner takes it all

 

Goldy

 

Edited November 9, 2013 by goldylocks

[Rudi]

ouch.....!

 

I scanned the whole thread & was sure I caught the latest version. I didnt.

 

Sorry Goldy

[john]

Maybe not as clear cut as this exercise as the back stories in these lyrics are not so polarised, but hopefully they can act as a discussion point:

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/33137-ambiguous-target-multi-layered-lyrics/

No comments?

[goldylocks]

John, I tried to listen to both songs, it came up with page not found. So where is the link to listen to the songs?

 

I would love to hear your lyrics with music.

 

Goldy     

[john]

The recordings are rough, they were only ever draft recordings but from a discussion perspective they were meant to demonstrate open, ambiguous lyrics with emotional content. I will try and sort the links tonight.

[Rudi]

The lyrics are the pertinent thing. 

 

I think its probably best to read and consider the lyrics  first anyway, because the music will add something extra. We are focusing on lyrics at the moment.

[john]

I've added the audio links and updated my site a bit. It's still missing tons of songs but there ya go.

 

I need to re-run the mp3 conversion for the two songs in question. The wav files I have are much, much better quality. Still, there's enough there to give you the idea.