2 Freestyles !

[bronzerebel]

I've been trying to work on my flow and content more lately and these 2 verses are what came out. Don't be scared to give feedback

This rap shits gunna make instability in my home/

Trapped in a curse, but do you think Davie Jones just let motherf*ckers go?/

If Mother Nature doesn't let the homeless miss the snow/ then the f*ck are the chances of not lettin' Mufasa hit the floor?/

Too many scars in my kingdom so the pen won't let go/

Little kids wondering if gettin' paid shows/

I'm just a kid lookin' for good grades to show/

Paintin' myself with no ears like Vincent Van Gogh/

Cuz I ain't hearin' shit about CEOs/

All I want is 300 entendres down low for where I'm goin'/

Murder an entire army with 300 flows so you can watch me roamin'/

The only rebel writer poet tryin' reunite the stars with his hands/

The moon ain't gunna light right after my palms land/

Cuz the night gon go to black from white after Aphrodite's rings get jammed/

Imma f*ck the whole universe up just like my earthly plan/

Make the planets my shadow after I let my wings span/

Show my crooked smile like the theory of man/

Spat excellence back into gods face before I ran/

Spat bars of fire like motherf*ckers locked up in Sudan/

Spat another 16 after I land about how's life's just tragic/

Saw a rabbit in my peripheral and chased him for his magic/

Just to show that my words ain't too drastic/

That I spit 5 stars and only write instant classics/

Rippin' emcees brains and let it ooze out like plastic/

Leave blood on my name against the grain even if it's too graphic/

Rebel

A shot to the time I only rhymed during the day to forget bout my gpa/

To when my parents asked what I was gon be and didn't know what to say/

To when I was halfway and still didn't know what to say/

Like "son what happened to gettin' paid?"/

Sorry mom but we have to see if rappin' lets my soul gets saved/

Cuz Imma spit till judgement day/

Till my skull cracks and my fingers break/

Till the bats fly out my brain and my cave caves/

Till after the ice age cuz hell gon freeze over before I worry more about my wage/

So pass me another rag/ cuz I just broke Daniels neck after my lyin' tamed/

Used his fur to get burned cuz a heart ain't got flame/

I shiver under the moon waitin' for a ladder so I can leave for as long as half my age/

Half my page/

For about half my rage/

To right my wrongs to make minimum wage/ for 5 days/

Just so they can see that breaking creativity equals no degree/

No room for A's and B's/

Enough to make you see that rappin' makes him happy/

Without a smile he just be a circle with 2 dots covered in yellow/

Coverin' his own ass just to run with the devil/

They say sinnin' is selfish desire so watch me sin on a societal level/

So sorry mom and dad but bury expectation with a shovel/

Cuz when I die my obituary's gunna say writer/rapper/rebel/

Edited December 10, 2014 by bronzerebel

[LyricallyGifted]

Im very iimpressed with both your verses i see alot of potential , still need to toghten up several line but al in all keep the omin !

[Lisa Gates]

I really liked your second verse. good content and rhymes. SMART! (the first verse was a little too grizzly for me but I'm a girly girl...)

:-)

[scotsman89]

i think this is pretty good .only thing about hip hop /rap or any form of spoken music, is the music , you ( I ) need to hear it the beat the language , how intense  and meaningful it comes at me . but still a good write 

 

john