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  • Noob

Looking for some feedback, I want to know if it's worth to continue this because I'm using a similar rhyme scheme for another song and I'd have to choose one of the two for a release,
this is the first and only verse I have so far for this song;

Head over heels for you
Blood I would spill for you
Always been here for you
T'was what I was instilled to do

Lent an ear for you, 
Spent a year with you
Then he appeared to you, you smeared me away
was it even clear to you?

What this thing meant to me?
Now you're dead to me,
No respect for you?
What you expect to see
Forget what I said to you 
and don't lecture me
I think I'm bout to puke
remembering your face pressed to me

You were my ecstasy
I even begged to be
Next to you, but what lead to be
A tragedy of a fantasy
But I pulled up my pants to see
If we had a chance to be

(then it would proceed to the chorus if I had one, preferably ending with "fell" as I start the verse with "head over heels with you")

 

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The way this scheme flows is hella smooth. Not choppy at all. Great lyrics too. I'd definitely continue with this one man. Good shit.

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  • Noob

I appreciate that man, I'll keep working on it

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