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  • Posts

    • Hi, Folks. This is a collaboration Les (Skin) and I have been working on for the past couple weeks. The backstory is that a man has to tell the woman he loves that he doesn't have long to live. It's fashioned sort of like a duet, where they don't sing together at the same time, but take turns soloing. The man is the featured singer through the bridge and the woman sings the last chorus. Let us know what you think.   Moment of Truth Copyright © 2016 by Les Service and L.C. Campbell   V1 Just found out today I'm not going to make it I don’t know what to say Her heart, I just can't break it   Holding back the tears I smile as I kiss her This is my greatest fear Oh God! I'm going to miss her   Chorus 1 I don’t want to lie to her I told her I would die for her It's not supposed to end this way All my dreams have turned to grey   I've got to see this through It's the only thing for me to do The time is drawing near For the moment of truth   V2 What a joy our life has been I made sure I told her I've been such a lucky man Every day I got to hold her   Hiding all my pain I smile as I kiss her The hardest words they came Came out, in just a whisper   Chorus 2 I didn’t want to lie to her I told her I would die for her It's not supposed to end this way All our dreams have turned to grey   We've got to see this through The only thing for us to do Is hold each other close In this moment of truth   Bridge It’s hard to say goodbye I pray she understands I promised her years  But it’s out of my hands So hard to say goodbye   ~~Musical Interlude here ~~ Chorus 3  I'm glad he didn’t lie to me I'm glad he said goodbye to me  I guess it had to be this way Now my dreams have turned to grey   I have to see life through It's the only thing to do I feel him here with me In each moment of truth   I still feel him here In this moment of truth  
    • Sounds great David. Great song! Love that lead guitar solo too!   Hard to find things to critique... at times I felt like there might be too much of the fizzy synth sound... maybe... hmmm that's not really even a critique is it...but I felt very aware of it and maybe even a bit distracted by it at times.   The number of times 'just' was used early on popped out at me, but then I think 'so what' ... Is that important, I don't know... I just noticed it for some reason.   Wish I could add something helpful  Soz! Great song though!  
    • I agree that the lyric is the star.  I actually think I'd like it more with a less produced sound.  just a guitar and voice with the harmonies more predominate.  I love the harmonies when they come in, but they seem low in the mix.  I would love more of it.  I think the distractor to me in this mix is the bass line.  It plods a lot during the verse, and distracts my ear from listening to the words.  a little movement there would help me personally.  Its a lovely song really I enjoyed listening to it throughout.
    • Have you ever been lead on? Gotten mixed signals? Felt ever confused by a woman, or a man as far as their intentions are concerned intimately? Thats what this song is about.

      You say you're not ready, but you're standing on the starting line
      Rev your engine, flash your lights, The tension before the crime.
      I push you away, but you come back to me like rhyme.
      You say you’re not ready, but you're standing on the starting line.

      Are you coming 
      Am I going
      Are we starting our love flowing

      Are you coming
      Am I going
      Dancing’s starting my love flowing

      Lean close to tell me gossip Lean away from my caress
      You show me all the body looking fine in that red dress
      I tell you games are what you play, but then you pass the dice
      I let the go a winning toss but defeat is this games price.

      We’ve come all this way and desires in your eyes
      A Beautiful thing to smell and see, but dangers in disguise
      We could spend the night loving life away
      I know I should be free from you if tomorrow I hope you’ll stay.

      Are you coming 
      Am I going
      Are we starting our love flowing

      Are you coming
      Am I going
      Dancing's starting my love flowing

      I feel you spinning round
      My heads in space feet off the ground
      Love it feels like poison gas 
      I can’t breathe now without your mask
      Rockets prepped Just count down
      Engines primed fuels sound
      LIght the fuse it's time to jet
      I don’t know where i’ll end up yet.

      Are you coming 
      Am I going
      Are we starting our love flowing

      Are you coming
      Am I going
      Dancing's starting my love flowing
    • Hi Gry Very nice soundscape, in addition the song form and the functions of the parts of the song are focussed and seem very correct to me.  When I looked at the lyric on the page I thought this is not going to sound right. But what you are actually singing is not as you have it written down.  What you are singing is this.   When you are gone I have a story I want to tel about passion and love that went blind. There is no one in this world that is going to say I need distraction from my troubled mind.   Seasons are fleeting, many moons have passed me by there's no secret I miss you much.  Echoes and whispers of your voice still make me cry and I remember your tender touch.   Chorus:
      When the night is young I put on my shoes.
      I keep dancing alone with shadows of you. With you.   So you can see the verses have an ABAB rhyme scheme and a long line short line pattern and an even number of lines. The chorus is actually three lines not two. AAA rhyme scheme. It was absolutely necessary to have three lines in the chorus to make it feel longing and lonely, that is what I was concerned about when I looked at it on the page.  But on listening I discovered all was well, and now looking at the lyric as sung I can see the structure.    I think its worthwhile discussing what you have done here, so you know and can do it again and again and again.   If we talk about the feeling of the lyric structure the verse is reasonably stable but it is very slightly destabilised by the great difference in line lengths. The chorus is slightly unstable because it has an uneven number of lines, and the expectation set up that line three will be the same length as lines one and two, and its short. The instability is pulled back a little by the rhyme scheme AAA. The result of this is an emotional feeling connection between the verses and chorus. If you use a stable structure in the verse of a sad song and an unstable structure in the chorus, what will happen is the verses where the story are will come across as statements of fact, and will sound believable.  The chorus will come across as an expression of the emotion of the story in the verses. So it connects them together at a non verbal level.   There is a few tools that can be used in song writing and we should look at some of those that you have used here. Looking at functions of parts of a song the standard thing is the verses tell the story the chorus sums up the story, the bridge adds a new element to the story.  Which is exactly what you have here. Now the question to ask as a tool to check what you are doing is, "Is every line in my verses either adding more weight to my chorus or setting up my surprise in the bridge?" When I look at your lyric the answer is yes, I think a good example of how well its done is this set up fro the bridge. "I get this feeling that I am not quite alone 
      that someone is watching the performance of my art."   So that when the bridge comes its like aha!    A lot is made of hooks in lyrics like a hook line, and this doesn't have that, it has more of a hook concept which encompasses the whole chorus.  And too me it is quite a powerful concept. Putting on the shoes and some music and dancing alone and imagining things and it sort of alludes too maybe she dresses up as well and the shoes are just a metaphor for dress make up hair etc. the whole thing. It is like a coping mechanism. To cope with the grief, like playing make believe. And that gives it a lot of Pathos. The big danger in song writing rules is that they can sometimes be counter productive. If you had a rule that said there has to be a hook you would be looking to put one in here and it wouldn't be appropriate. So you have to ask does it need one, I think no it doesn't and that is a rare thing of me to think.    There is a thing about showing not telling and the chorus really shows the sadness very well.   I am very impressed with this lyric its focused if you look at lines like  "when I am moving" its reinforcing the dancing in the chorus. Its little things like working together with other stuff that make a great song.   There are two ESL issues pointed out by Mark that need attention, but that is all. They are probably "Now you are gone" and "I don't need distraction" other wise it it seems to me to be all OK.   Great song well put together and performed.    I liked it very much.   Cheers   Gary      

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