jamestoffee

Challenge #36 We Had it All http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12841429 We had it all We had everything We had it all And you threw it all away I had you You had me We had it all And you threw it all away And all the tears And all the shame Can’t do anything for the pain We had it all We had everything We had it all And you threw it all away And you threw it You threw it all away Y1W36 We Had it All.mp3

> I have tried to understand stressed and unstressed syllable, but I still find it confusing. I agree it can be confusing. Here is an example of the rhythm of the lines working: Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow and everywhere that Mary went the lambs were sure to go Here is an example of the rhythm of the lines NOT working: Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow and when she went to the supermarket downtown the lambs were sure to go Notice here how line 3 pulls you out of the rhythm of the phrase when saying this out loud. For more, you could read about Iambic pentameter http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter

>Imagine you didn't suppress it, imagine what it would be like to have that emotion as all your brain could focus on for hours, days weeks, imagine it consuming you. Thanks for the suggestion

>I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of Sheldon Cooper when you asked how to learn emotions LOL I had to youtube him since I don't watch TV, but yeah, I can relate to him as I'm watching this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbd9PHdhKZE

Hi sgtsoul, >Given that the band wanted it to relate to their personal lives, I am not sure a biblical narrative is what they would be after. Good point >We all have emotions, just look back in your life to a time you felt betrayed. LOL...Another good point. I probably sound like quite a nerd, or robot for asking such a question. Being a thinker rather than a feeler, I default to suppressing emotions; relying much more on "crafting a song" rather than the inspiration. Thanks for taking the time to respond and share your insights. James

Hi Goldie and sgtsoul, Thanks for the listens and posts >I think the challenge wanted raw emotion though? I think that would come out more in the vocal delivery rather than the lyrics. When I think of songs like "Twist and Shout" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVlr4g5-r18 "Come Away with Me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKEuOO0lQPc "Standing In The Way Of Control" Those are showing raw emotion to me. Or comparing NIN version of "Hurt" and Johnny Cash's version, for me Johnny's version is more "raw emotion", but again it's the vocal delivery making the difference; not the lyrics NIN http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htmKZKR7oyc Johnny Cash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc all that being said, I don't think my vocal delivery carries the "raw emotion" element ....but if you know of some resources or articles that talks about how to write lyrics with more raw emotion, I'd definitely be interested in reading them. ....maybe also narrative story lyrics aren't the correct format for "raw emotion" songs. Thanks again. James

Hi Goldy, Nice take on the assignment. Suggestions: Who are these betrayed soldiers? THOSE sent to fight for you and me Consider dropping the last verse that starts "Once they came home from war....." because it doesn't add anything new and it could work better not being war specific. I thought about the Gulf War and then when you mentioned Vietnam War, it didn't match with all the images in my mind I had built up during the song. One thing to watch for is stress patterns in the lines because irregular patterns will make the lyrics harder to put to music. For example v1 - is unstressed syllable v is stressed syllable -......v.......-......v.......-........v....-.....-.....v For years I've seen them walking the streets v.......-.....-....v.......-......-....v....-.........-.....v Looking for handouts and something to eat -.........v....-......v...-.....v..-.......-...........v....-.......v Their gnarled fingers riffling through garbage bins v.......-......v....-.....v....-.....-......v...-......v......v Wearing shabby jackets with purple heart pins so lines 1, 2, and 4 have a rhythm going but line 3 is out of sync one fix could be ...-......v.....-....v....-......v..-.....v.....-......v Their gnarled fingers riffling garbage bins or ...-......v.....-....v....-......v..-......-...........v Their gnarled fingers riffling through bins Thanks for sharing. James

Here's my go at the topic http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/38073-challenge-36-wedding-veil-betrayal/ and my second go at it http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/38105-challenge-36-we-had-it-all/

Y12W35 Wedding Veil Betrayal Based on Genesis 29 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+29&version=ESV#fen-ESV-813a Listen here http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12841718 =====Revised Version===== Jacob whispered you’ll be my bride Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life The seven years flew by days Now the wedding ceremony underway He made love to his nightingale She was still in her wedding veil Daylight came when he went to kiss her But he had slept with Rachel’s sister Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal Oh what lies The father explained as Jacob cursed The oldest daughter always marries first If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife He could give another seven years of his life Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X Oh what lies =====Original Version===== In Bible times long ago Love at first sight took control Jacob said she’ll be my bride Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life The seven years flew by days Now the wedding ceremony underway He made love to his nightingale She was still in her wedding veil Daylight came when he went to kiss her But he had slept with Rachel’s sister Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X The father explained as Jacob cursed The oldest daughter always marries first If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife He could give another seven years of his life Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X Y12W35 Wedding Veil Betrayal 2.mp3

Happy Birthday, Joe!

so if that's the sentiment you are going for......maybe play it up a bit more as the ring leader/announcer/promoter of a carnival/circus show......Come see the one and only...amazing....stupefying....limitlessly talented....etc......focusing on the "must see" factor of the performer/performance

Hi Joe, Good start, The lyrics flow along nicely. I hadn't thought of it before, but an elephant playing the "ivories" is quite ironic. The 3rd line of V2 and V3 seem a bit out of place; maybe too defensive, as if the singer is arguing a point...but it's a minor quibble. Thanks for sharing. James

Hi Les, Nice lyrics. I like lyrics. Plonk plonk plonk on the keyboard. - James

LOL Yep, indeed

>James, you thought too hard on this. No worries >The first version was a ten minute effort, the second edit was a couple more minutes. But it was 12 minutes of fun, silly writing and that's about it, so i'm not surprized that it isn't all that clear to you. That's fine. I don't want to belabor the point. However, it's a good conversation starter. I read a very insightful book recently by Robert Fritz called The Path of Least Resistance" (paraphrased) The measured value of a creation is not in the time it took to produce the creation. The measure of the creation is in the question "Did the creation complete its intended purpose?" You're the one that determines the creation's purpose, so for example, if your purpose for this assignment was to brainstorm and play around with some rhymes and thoughts, (which is great and something we should all do), then what you have works.....valuing the process over the final product. If your purpose for the assignment was to communicate an idea/character, what you have could be considered a good start, but could stand revision for clarity....but again, you have the freedom to chose the purpose of your creation...... so, the question (in this lyric or anytime we write a song) is to revise, or leave it as is......In other words, how do I know when I am done? Again, it goes back to intentionality "Did this creation complete its intended purpose?" -James

Hi McnaughtonPark, Good start on this one. I agree the extra lines add to the traditional balance of the 12 bar blues. Content-wise when I read the first version, I was going to suggest a change of this line "Where I could be your man, given half a chance" to Where I could be yours, given half a chance ...because I thought the singer was an elephant. However, the additional lines have added to my confusion, not clarity. Now it seems like it is a man singing, but it leaves me wondering what an "elephance" is?....and the singer is claiming to be "kind of" an elephance? so you lost me there. One more consideration, his wooing doesn't sound too wooful....he is spending his time pointing out his own attributes instead of flattering the listener and telling her how she affects him. Interesting title as well, but it seems to be heading in 2 directions....cool....towards calm, laid back vs. rockin'....towards action oriented....so there is a tension as to what kind of character the singer is.....that could work; depending on your purpose. In all, I am a bit confused as to who or what the singer is. I imagine a cartoon character of sorts, but I could be off on that. You can definitely work your lyrics well, so take or toss the comments as you see fit. Thanks for sharing. James

Hi Les, Thanks for the encouragement -James

Hi Amy, Glad you liked it -James

Hi Amy, Here are your lyrics put to music. I switched the section 1 and 2 to get the listener identifying the character sooner; also using the line "They called him Peanut" as a hook line. Peanut Plays the Blues They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues, he danced and played to the groove. Oh Lordy, Peanut loved the Blues. He was a big Cool, Funny looking Dude, Oh How he loved to play the blues. Big ears and a funny nose, but he still played on cues. They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues Some say he was a cool Cat, Well Peanut wasn't down with that. He was the elephant in the room. he danced at the piano where he sat. They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues, he danced and played to the groove. Oh Lordy, Peanut loved the Blues. Oh How he loved to play the blues, that Peanut could really groove. he danced as he started to play. It just put him in the mood. They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues They called him Peanut, and he loved to play the blues, he danced and played to the groove. Oh Lordy, Peanut loved the Blues. Oh Lordy, Peanut loved the Blues. SongStuff Amy Peanut Plays the Blues.mp3

>lol, well you played elephant style very well. Thanks >do you have to know the notes to the piano to operate it? No, you don't. You can make the song with just the laptop/computer. You can watch the clip explaining the program on the link above, or go to youtube and check out other videos on the product like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_1BgtA_lvo

Hi Amy, >Where ya been?......Hope your doing good! I am. Thanks for asking......Life's just been busy getting in the way of songwriting ; ) My sister-in-law's wedding in the Philippines, getting sick for a week, moving house, and now end of a school year busyness, but summer time is coming!

Hi Amy, Thanks for the listen and post. >I loved that you put the sound of the elephant playing the piano. It was cute! Well, actually I just hit the keyboard a few times elephant style XD >I loved the jazzy music. I wish I had one for mine. That is a fun sound to play with. You should check out Toontracks. http://www.sweetwater.com/feature/ezkeys/ http://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/EZdrum2/ The only part I "played" was the "elephant solo" the other tracks of piano and drums were click and drag tracks. -James

Hi Amy, Looks good. I like the literal and figurative meaning of the line "He was the elephant in the room." -James

>Jamestoffee lives in Thailand! Just saying! Well Les, if you are calling me out, it's a good thing things settled down enough for me to post something again LOL I have seen elephants paint and play soccer....the "blues jam" was a first for me Here's my submission: http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/37146-35-peter-the-blues-lovin-elephant/

Peter The Blues Lovin' Elephant http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12787918 Peter is the leader The leader of a blues lovin’ band A blues lovin’ band in the heart of Siam In the heart of Siam you can hear ol’ Peter jam Peter gets upset Upset at his regrets Cause his regrets; he never forgets He never forgets got them blues stuck in his head Chorus Peter the blues lovin’ elephant Peter the blues lovin’ elephant That pachyderm is full of concern Peter the blues lovin’ elephant When Peter played his debut His debut made the news The news got around to all of the zoos All of the zoos know that Peter loves them blues chorus Peter played for peanuts But peanuts made him cry Cry, cry, cry; asking why Why can’t I remember to forget To forget just once in a while? chorus