Challenge #12 - Folk Ballad

[john]

Hi Gang

 

A simple one this week.

 

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to write a folk ballad, using the ballad song form (yet again please use our song form article as reference).

 

You should tell a story that is a local news story (please provide a link to the story online).

 

Sticking to a traditional ballad song form is important in this one, so no verse-chorus AB song form, only AAA with the inclusion of a refrain line or lines. Where you put the refrain lines within the verse is up to you as long as you use them consistently.

 

Your ballad must have a minimum of 3 verses.

 

This message will self destruct in 5, 4, 3...

 

John

 

PS I haven't forgotten to select a song for Wiley. I've just been very busy, but thought I'd get this mission posted asap!

[Kel]

http://au.news.yahoo.com/video/national/watch/18745959/fighting-words-at-rudd-launch/

 

This is but one of many possible news stories I could have chosen. This is the final week of the election campaign for the Australian Federal Government that goes to the poll on Saturday 7 August. However, rather than being about events during this particular election, because that would be too short lived after all, I'm having my long awaited debut in political activism/cynicism/sarcasm whatever you feel is more appropriate:

 

No Matter Who We Choose 

 

It was announced today we go round again

We get to ride the train and choose the way

We're goin',

No slowin' down.

It's ours to say

Who lives who dies,

Who gets to try another day.

And it seems to me no matter who we choose...

We're screwed!

 

Couple weeks on and the train derails and there's

No way back from the mess they made and the lies

Th-ey tell,

No stopping now.

It's for you and me

To find the truth,

To tell the lies from the fantasy,

And it seems to me no matter who we choose...

We're screwed!

 

Final days until the train pulls in and its

No clearer now than when we began and its

Building speed.

It's just a game

And it's how they play

That put's them all to shame,

And it seems to me no matter who we choose...

We're screwed.

And it seems to me no matter who we choose...

We're screwed.

 

Cheers,

Kel

[Rudi]

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/200-staffers-strike-khmer-rouge-tribunal-20133632

 

Money Where Your Mouth Is

 

No one wants to pay for justice

There are 1.7 million on the list

For 40 years they waited & the hurt has not abated

but no one wants to pay for justice

 

We aint seen any money since June

And we don’t see any coming real soon

We have the IOU but the IOU wont do

And we aint seen any wages since June

 

Who cares now about the Khmer Rouge?

Who cares about the evil that ensued ?

In six or seven years, more families disappear

So who cares about the Khmer Rouge?

 

We are going to strike on Monday

Its not as if we lose more pay

‘Pay when you are able’ don’t put bread upon the table

So we are going to strike on Monday

[Vagdavercustis]

Maybe this is a really stupid question... But my local news is in Dutch. 
So must I pick a story from an English news site than?

[john]

Nah, that's ok, we can use google translate to get a an offensive mis-translated version of the news that will be quite funny and complete nonsense

 

or you could tell us what the news story is about

 

Welcome to the challenges

[Kel]

Welcome Vagda. Be prepared to laugh! And you bathroom could become quite famous, or infamous!

 

(Inside joke!)

 

Kel

[Rudi]

Hey Vagda girl.

 

Welcome to John's torture tortuous challenges.

 

Serve him right if you posted in Dutch too.

[Vagdavercustis]

Thanks for the warm welcome!
Had a real laugh with Kell's comment allready!!
I can take the torture of my boyfriend so bring it on

For the challenge I chose this article:
http://www.gva.be/nieuws/binnenland/aid1446232/2-100-kinderen-betrokken-bij-ongeval-in-2012.aspx

 

The tittle says: 1.200 children involved with an accident in 2012.
It's about children who have been in a traffic accident.
Some have little injuries but some of them didn't survive.

 

15 minute ride

 

With her new pink bike

Ready for the first day of school

She knows her way, it's like

Not far from the swimming pool

Just a 15 minute ride

She could do it with eyes closed

Not aware of the danger outside

She began her way on the side

 

With his brand new car

Ready for the first test ride

Didn't plan to go to far

His morning began on the bright side

Just a 15 minute ride

Than he would go back home

Back to his lovely wife

And together depart for Rome

 

It was like a flash

Time stood still

An enormous crash

Blood started to spill

Innocent laughter 

Turned into a deafening scream

 

With his brand new car

His foot on the gas

Testing the speed limit so far

Lost control, blood on the glass

With her new pink bike

Felt the pain inside like a knife

When the ambulance arrived

She allready lost the fight of life

[Kel]

Hi Vagda,

 

No humour in this one. As a parent this is a true concern.

 

I don't think you really grasped the limitation of the structure. Our brief was to write in AAA song form and you have written in AABA, B being your bridge during which the accident occurs. 

 

While you have used the title in the same place in the first two verses, you didn't use it again in the last. While the refrain doesn't "HAVE" to be the title, it usually contains the title.

 

 

Examples are:

 

It was a fifteen minute ride

story

story

story etc

 

or 

 

story

story

story

It was a fifteen minute ride

 

The length of each verse is up to you, I've just used 4 lines for the sake of brevity.

 

The main thing is that in this challenge we are told to use the AAA song form, however we are not restricted to only 3 verses, that is simply the minimum. There is a good article on the AAA song form available in the Articles section for which there is a link at the bottom of the page.

 

Another thing, and others may disagree, in my experience folk tales revolve around what happened, but don't necessarily describe or include what happened. There is a multitude of stories to tell... the parents waiting for their daughter to get home from school, increasing concern as the time drags on, it's just a fifteen minute ride. The wife waiting for hubby to get home so they can start their holiday in Rome, home from work is just a fifteen minute ride. The ambulance driver who has a child this age him/herself... The policeman/woman who informs the parents and the wife... the girl's teacher, lots of points of view. 

 

I like your idea of the fifteen minute ride being the central theme. 

 

I'll be happy to help with any English grammar you may wish to clarify, though time difference will be an issue.

 

Kel

[Lisa Gates]

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/200-staffers-strike-khmer-rouge-tribunal-20133632

 

Money Where Your Mouth Is

 

No one wants to pay for justice

There are 1.7 million on the list

For 40 years they waited & the hurt has not abated

but no one wants to pay for justice

 

We aint seen any money since June

And we don’t see any coming real soon

We have the IOU but the IOU wont do

And we aint seen any wages since June

 

Who cares now about the Khmer Rouge?

Who cares about the evil that ensued ?

In six or seven years, more families disappear

So who cares about the Khmer Rouge?

 

We are going to strike on Monday

Its not as if we lose more pay

‘Pay when you are able’ don’t put bread upon the table

So we are going to strike on Monday

Hi Rudi,

Question...your refrain is different for each verse, what structure is that? ABACAD? Just learning here. 

thanks,

Lisa

[goldylocks]

Here is my weekly challenge, I hope it's AAA. I'm not sure. It's about America taking a stand to strike Syria on her own. Suggestions for improvement are appreciated.

http://www.itv.com/news/2013-08-30/america-will-go-it-alone-when-it-comes-to-syria/

America is Standing

America is standing

She's standing alone

United Nations said thumbs down

Strike Syria on your own

America is standing

She won't back down

She won't back down

She's standing on her own

America is standing

For the red, white and blue

Men and women over sea or land

Who give their lives for me and you

America is standing

She won't back down

She won't back down

She's standing on her own

America is standing

On outrage over gassing humanity

She's sending Tomahawk missiles

To crumble Syria's military

America's standing

She won't back down

She won't back down

She's standing on her own

No, she won't back down

She's standing all alone

Goldy

Edited September 5, 2013 by goldylocks

[goldylocks]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Had a real laugh with Kell's comment allready!!

I can take the torture of my boyfriend so bring it on

For the challenge I chose this article:

http://www.gva.be/nieuws/binnenland/aid1446232/2-100-kinderen-betrokken-bij-ongeval-in-2012.aspx

 

The tittle says: 1.200 children involved with an accident in 2012.

It's about children who have been in a traffic accident.

Some have little injuries but some of them didn't survive.

 

15 minute ride

 

With her new pink bike

Ready for the first day of school

She knows her way, it's like

Not far from the swimming pool

Just a 15 minute ride / if you repeat this line again, AAA

She could do it with eyes closed

Not aware of the danger outside

She began her way on the side

 

With his brand new car

Ready for the first test ride

Didn't plan to go to far

His morning began on the bright side

Just a 15 minute ride

Than he would go back home

Back to his lovely wife

And together depart for Rome

 

It was like a flash

Time stood still

An enormous crash

Blood started to spill

Innocent laughter 

Turned into a deafening scream

 

With his brand new car

His foot on the gas

Testing the speed limit so far

Lost control, blood on the glass

With her new pink bike

Felt the pain inside like a knife

When the ambulance arrived

She allready lost the fight of life

First welcome to the forum, I'm so glad to see you here. As far as your song goes, it's excellent, but I think Kel, gave you some good advice, and we all here to help you anyway we can.

Goldy

[Vagdavercustis]

Hi Vagda,

 

No humour in this one. As a parent this is a true concern.

 

I don't think you really grasped the limitation of the structure. Our brief was to write in AAA song form and you have written in AABA, B being your bridge during which the accident occurs. 

 

While you have used the title in the same place in the first two verses, you didn't use it again in the last. While the refrain doesn't "HAVE" to be the title, it usually contains the title.

 

 

Examples are:

 

It was a fifteen minute ride

story

story

story etc

 

or 

 

story

story

story

It was a fifteen minute ride

 

The length of each verse is up to you, I've just used 4 lines for the sake of brevity.

 

The main thing is that in this challenge we are told to use the AAA song form, however we are not restricted to only 3 verses, that is simply the minimum. There is a good article on the AAA song form available in the Articles section for which there is a link at the bottom of the page.

 

Another thing, and others may disagree, in my experience folk tales revolve around what happened, but don't necessarily describe or include what happened. There is a multitude of stories to tell... the parents waiting for their daughter to get home from school, increasing concern as the time drags on, it's just a fifteen minute ride. The wife waiting for hubby to get home so they can start their holiday in Rome, home from work is just a fifteen minute ride. The ambulance driver who has a child this age him/herself... The policeman/woman who informs the parents and the wife... the girl's teacher, lots of points of view. 

 

I like your idea of the fifteen minute ride being the central theme. 

 

I'll be happy to help with any English grammar you may wish to clarify, though time difference will be an issue.

 

Kel

I knew I had done something wrong.

I've been reading the article about the AAA-structure.

Allready have another idea in my head so I'll will work it out after work.

Thanks for your comment. It's all in the learning proces!

[Kel]

I knew I had done something wrong.

I've been reading the article about the AAA-structure.

Allready have another idea in my head so I'll will work it out after work.

Thanks for your comment. It's all in the learning proces!

 Don't worry, we are all learning.

 

Kel

[Vagdavercustis]

First welcome to the forum, I'm so glad to see you here. As far as your song goes, it's excellent, but I think Kel, gave you some good advice, and we all here to help you anyway we can.

Goldy

It's thanks to you I'm here

It's a great oppurtunity to learn some new skills!

[Vagdavercustis]

I hope this one meets the task. *fingers crossed*
 

It was a 15 minute ride

Everyday the same

She always stood outside

When her little girl came

Riding her pink bike

A little helmet on

But today she felt like

There was something wrong

 

It was a 15 minute ride

Minutes passed by

She kept waiting outside

Started wondering why

Her little girl

Didn't arrive

Than the police car

Came up the drive

 

It was a 15 minute ride

It just couldn't be true

Her little girl died

A quarter past two

The car ignored

A red light

It was a black ford

Landed on the side

 

It was a 15 minute ride

The clock keeps ticking

Everyone witnessed the sight

Of a mothers heart breaking

No words can explain

The loss of a child

The great pain

It leaves behind

And it carries on

The rest of her live

Edited September 4, 2013 by Vagdavercustis

[Rudi]

Hi Rudi,

Question...your refrain is different for each verse, what structure is that? ABACAD? Just learning here. 

thanks,

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

 

No refrain at all. Looks like I screwed up. I thought the refrain was optional. But now on checking it isnt.

Also, I had mistaken the song structure for the rhyming scheme, but fortunately I got away by sheer dumb luck.

 

Thanks for wising me up

 

OK lets see...

v2

Money Where Your Mouth Is

 

No one wants to pay for justice

There are 1.7 million on the list

For 40 years they waited & the hurt has not abated

but no one wants to pay for justice

So put your money where your mouth if your money is good

 

 

We aint seen any money since June

And we don’t see any coming real soon

We have the IOU but the IOU wont do

And we aint seen any wages since June

So put your money where your mouth if your money is good

 

Who cares now about the Khmer Rouge?

Who cares about the evil that ensued ?

In six or seven years, more families disappear

So who cares about the Khmer Rouge?

So put your money where your mouth if your money is good

 

We are going to strike on Monday

Its not as if we lose more pay

‘Pay when you are able’ don’t put bread upon the table

So we are going to strike on Monday

So put your money where your mouth if your money is good

[Rudi]

Vagda,

 

 

I liked your original as it was very individual.

 

But (once again )you rewrite well. Nice job.

Edited September 3, 2013 by Rudi

[Kel]

@Vagda: In the context of the story, the details about the car seem out of place. That it ignored signals or rules yes, but that it was a black Ford and ended up on it's side are irrelevant to the story of Mother waiting for her daughter. Nice job though and a good topic.

 

@Rudi: I think you're missing an "is" in your refrain line but the lyrics fit the brief better in my opinion. I think some lines will twist tongues trying to sing them "1.7 million on the list" for example, but you've probably got a melody and rhythm in your head to take that into account. Another good story well told.

 

@Goldy: Yet another serious issue well handled. The only nit I have is that your third line of your final chorus is way shorter than earlier third lines and that could screw up the rhythm. Other than that I think you've made your point quite clearly.

 

@Lisa: I'm waiting....

 

Cheers,

Kel

[Vagdavercustis]

Kel,

I know it's somewhat out of place. But it just came out and couldn't think of anything else at that moment.

I'm just happy that I got the ballad structure right this time

And it's true in the end we're all screwed!! 
Really enjoyed your lyric It reads like a train!

 

Rudi,

My first version didn't fit the ballad structure. Allthough I'm glad you liked it
Starting over was the best option for me I guess.

About your lyric... Like Kel said, there's an 'is' missing.
But I like your refrain line. A verry good write!

Goldy,
It's simple but strong! It gives a clear message
Thumbs up for you!