Lyrics Writing Challenge #13: Your Lucky Number

[john]

Hi All

 

This week's challenge is multi-faceted. It is a good songwriting exercise.

 

So, this week's challenge, is to re-write the lyrics for an existing song. Your base song must be selected from a short list, first come first choice, only one writer per title.

 

In addition to re-writing the words, they will also pick from one of the set emotions/perspectives and topics. These are not restricted to one writer.

 

Those who also write music I would encourage to complete the process by then writing new music to go with your new words.

 

Song list:

 

Take A Chance On Me - ABBA

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson

Almost Cut My Hair - Crosbie, Stills and Nash

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

Someone Like You - Adele

Highway To Hell - AC /DC

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles

Ain’t No Sunshine - Bill Withers

Needle And The Damage Done - Neil Young

Let Her Go - Passenger

Redemption Song - Bob Marley

Five Years - David Bowie

I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow - Dick Burnett

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

The Scientist - Coldplay

This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

Down To The River To Pray - Alison Krauss

7 Years - Lukas Graham

 

 

Emotions/Perspective

Fear

Anger

Passionate

Frustrated

Confused

Happy

Compassionate

Tears

 

Topics

Lost

Fame

City life

living together

Blind dates

Raising kids

Being ignored

Looking good

Working

Jealousy

Prison

Homeless

 

 

 

If we run out of topics and songs I will add some more.

 

Step 1 BOOK YOUR SONG AND TOPIC BY REPLYING TO THIS POST

Step 2 Write Your Song

 

Others will hopefully be interested, but I will mention a few members who have taken part previously:

 

@Timbre @Skin @DonnaMarilyn  @McnaughtonPark  @symphonious7  @Peggy @Mahesh  @Pahchisme Plaid  @Ray888 @ALOPRODUCTIONZ

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Couple of questions:  are we re-writing from just the title or re-working the existing words?

 

Then, we’re making the emotion of the words/music, melody fit one of the emotions/perspectives?

 

or are we using the same music.  

 

The last part on topics might make more sense to me how it fits in once I understand more clearly from your answers to my first question. 

 

I’m just having a bit of trouble getting it all in the right context.  

 

Maybe you have an example?

 

[john]

You write new lyrics using the melody of the base song.

 

Your emotion/perspective taken from the emotion/perspective

 

The theme from the topic list

 

 

 

You would complete the process by writing a new melody for th3 then complete lyrics.

 

You choose your own title. Don’t use any original lyrics or theme

[Pahchisme Plaid]

I think I’m going to snatch up “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” , the emotion will be passion and the theme jealousy.  Yeesh!  I hope I can do this!

 

Thanks for your example @Skin.  It helped a lot!

[Lisa Gates]

17 hours ago, john said:

Hi All

 

This week's challenge is multi-faceted. It is a good songwriting exercise.

 

So, this week's challenge, is to re-write the lyrics for an existing song. Your base song must be selected from a short list, first come first choice, only one writer per title.

 

In addition to re-writing the words, they will also pick from one of the set emotions/perspectives and topics. These are not restricted to one writer.

 

Those who also write music I would encourage to complete the process by then writing new music to go with your new words.

 

Song list:

 

Take A Chance On Me - ABBA

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson

Almost Cut My Hair - Crosbie, Stills and Nash

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

Someone Like You - Adele

Highway To Hell - AC /DC

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles

Ain’t No Sunshine - Bill Withers

Needle And The Damage Done - Neil Young

Let Her Go - Passenger

Redemption Song - Bob Marley

Five Years - David Bowie

I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow - Dick Burnett

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

The Scientist - Coldplay

This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

Down To The River To Pray - Alison Krauss

7 Years - Lukas Graham

 

 

Emotions/Perspective

Fear

Anger

Passionate

Frustrated

Confused

Happy

Compassionate

Tears

 

Topics

Lost

Fame

City life

living together

Blind dates

Raising kids

Being ignored

Looking good

Working

Jealousy

Prison

Homeless

 

 

 

If we run out of topics and songs I will add some more.

 

Step 1 BOOK YOUR SONG AND TOPIC BY REPLYING TO THIS POST

Step 2 Write Your Song

 

Others will hopefully be interested, but I will mention a few members who have taken part previously:

 

@Timbre @Skin @DonnaMarilyn  @McnaughtonPark  @symphonious7  @Peggy @Mahesh  @Pahchisme Plaid  @Ray888 @ALOPRODUCTIONZ

eh hum....tap tap tap.... why was i not invited?!!! i'm a little hurt. When is this due? i have a trip this weekend but I want A Thousand Years/Fear/Lost.

[john]

41 minutes ago, Lisa Gates said:

eh hum....tap tap tap.... why was i not invited?!!! i'm a little hurt. When is this due? i have a trip this weekend but I want A Thousand Years/Fear/Lost.

 

Thouht I had... it was almost 1am1 Sorry Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

1 minute ago, john said:

 

Thouht I had... it was almost 1am1 Sorry Lisa

You know I'm messing with you! I'm glad I saw it. No worries. I haven't done one in a while. I'm getting back into a grove. Chat soon!

[snabbu]

Oops I did two steps at once sorry about that. I blame Pat for making me so efficient.

 

So this is my take on the exercise I have done:

Song:              While my guitar gently weeps
Emotions/Perspective: Confused
Topic:              Being ignored

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

You reject my honest love

 

I listen to you
Hear the words that your speaking
While you reject my honest love
You’re listening  too
A heart that is breaking
As you reject my honest love

 

I’m so confused I’m disregarded
I’ve been excluded too
I feel down when you’re so hard hearted
I’ve never neglected you

 

I’m looking at you
I can see what your doing
When you reject my honest love
I’m watching you
Steer our ship to ruin
As you reject my honest love

 

I don’t understand, why your so distracted
Or what you’ve reacted too
I know you feel, your so attractive 
But no one’s attracted you

 

I listen to you
Hear the words that your speaking
While you reject my honest love
Still you reject my hones love

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Emotion—passion

Theme—jealousy 

Song—While My Guitar Gently Weeps=. New lyrics  3/1/18

 

Lightning Strikes Twice Between the Lips

Lyrics by Kc Chad copyright 2018

 

Does she really know what you are?

What you’re hiding?

How many aches can I take?

 

I can’t watch your eyes, steady gaze while you’re lying, Lightning strikes twice between the lips.

 

Losing my mi-i-ind, losing my so-oul 

I can only take so much

Consuming tho-o-oughts, mad fascination 

What is her hold on you?

 

Did her painted kiss leave your temp’rature burning?

What are these marks on your cheek?

 

I can’t watch your eyes, steady gaze while you’re lying, Lightning strikes twice between the lips

 

The more you try-I-I-I to hide your tryst, the worse the knife Inside

 

Lies from your mou-ou-ou-outh 

Your words are worthless 

Can’t take any more of this.

 

I can’t watch your eyes, steady gaze while you’re lying, Lightning strikes twice between the lips

 

I can’t take your lies, weak-willed ways, your two-timing, Lightning strike twice between the lips.

 

[Patty Lakamp]

Count me in for Ain't No Sunshine!

 

Blind date/frustration

 

Patty

[Patty Lakamp]

Emotion:  Frustrated

Topic:  Blind Dates

Song:  Ain't No Sunshine

 

New Lyrics:

 

Where did all the good guys go

 

Where did all the good guys go

It’s so hard to find a man

Where did all the good guys go

They’ve disappeared and gone

Like to find a standup man

 

Is it me or is it them

Ones I meet just leave me cold

Where did all the good guys go

I’m losin’ faith in love

Like to find it if I can

 

So I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go,

I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go

 

Hey I gotta stop this frantic show

Where did all the good guys go

 

Where did all the good guys go

Only lonely nights ahead

Where did all the good guys go

Lord, I’m really feelin’ low

 

Like to find a standup man

Like to find a standup man

Like to find a standup man

Like to find him if I can

 

 

 

[DonnaMarilyn]

And here's my quick effort.  (John, I used an emotion that wasn't on the list.)

 

Emotion:  Regret

Topic:  City Life

Song:  Needle and the Damage Done - Neil Young

New Lyrics: 03.03.17

 

City Life

 

This city life will be

The death of me

No steel and concrete

Gonna set me free

Ooh, ooh, I left my home

 

I came here thinkin’

I could make my mark

But now I’m sleepin’

In a high-risk park

Ooh, ooh, I left my home

 

I learned a lesson

And it’s hard to face

I lost my honour

When I found this place

No hope

Of ever going back

 

I dream of forests

And the sounds they make

I still hear ripples on a moonlit lake

But all I’ve got now

Is an endless ache

[Timbre]

I won't take up a song since I probably won't have a chance to put together an entry in the next few days, but very impressed by the entries so far!  Will try to drop back in with more detailed comments.~T

[McnaughtonPark]

I guess it doesn’t matter much, but I was a bit blown away by some of you.  These are some really, really good lyrics.  

[Lisa Gates]

2 hours ago, McnaughtonPark said:

I guess it doesn’t matter much, but I was a bit blown away by some of you.  These are some really, really good lyrics.  

It does matter. You matter! I value your opinion. Now if I can just finish mine so I can add your compliment to my stack of references... Thanks!

[snabbu]

It’s a good challenge it’s kike aeroplane writing where I write lyrics on long flights to another tune in my head but now the phone has garage band I guess I can write music too. I just love technology.

 

cheers

 

Gary

[Lisa Gates]

1 hour ago, snabbu said:

It’s a good challenge it’s kike aeroplane writing where I write lyrics on long flights to another tune in my head but now the phone has garage band I guess I can write music too. I just love technology.

 

cheers

 

Gary

Very fancy Gary! Garageband on your phone? It's probably a necessity for you... good for you!

[McnaughtonPark]

I did this exercise once, some years ago.  I used Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page” if I remember correctly.  Problem for me wasn’t the rewrite to an existing melody but the fact that I could never come up with a new melody for the lyric.  Last time I looked at it I was still singing the words to Seger’s melody. 

 

So, my contribution here is about my experience with this exercise from that perspective.

 

My mind making up a thing ain’t working

Sep ta like a thing I liked before rewording

Better not to be just like it was

Like a shoe that doesn’t fit because

The new foot to the leather was a burden

 

So I try to make it walk the way it did

But on two legs stead of four where it once lived

Lazy days the years to pass

metaphors and blowing grass

Till the what it was becomes the way it is

 

But my mind making up a thing ain’t working

The grey is weak and can not raise the curtain

All the butter one can eat

In these new hides on my feet

Won’t slip a heifer in a bull that’s for certain

[john]

Some great lyrics guys! Thanks for taking part.

 

I hear you MP.... I find it a useful perspective exercise. Something that helps people into a flow, gets them past roadblock, and helps them get experience working beyond their norm.

 

To get passed what you describe, I take a melody and extract the rhythm.... I then write usiing the rhythm, not the melody. You can still struggle to write a new melody, but I find it much less of an issue. The more times you cycle that melody, the more it entrenches it.

 

Another tip would be to alter the melody half a line at a time. It uis much less daunting than re-writing the whole alll in one. As you do it by increments you gradually get further and further from the original.

[McnaughtonPark]

It is a good way to write, I really like what everyone posted.  I didn’t get to critique the lyrics here for meter against the original, on purpose.  I didn’t want to know if they worked with the existing melody.  From my earlier experience, I hoped they didn’t.  I hoped each of you left enough room to make these into songs unique for you.  I’ve been reading lyrics in the lyric forum for years and can’t remember a more solid string of lyrics appearing one after another ever, not ever.  

 

John, I like your ideas on making a new melody.  Maybe I’ll give it a go.