Lyrics Writing Challenge #16 - See, Feel, Create

[john]

Hi Gang

 

This challenge is about visuals and emotions. The source inspiration is this photo:

 

 

Imagine a scenario. Something with feeling. Look at the faces, the body language, the colours. Imagine the smells. The anticipation, the fear, excitement, anger... the sense of something about to happen...

 

and then write. No form restrictions. No other style restricts. Just the source pic, and the general instruction of see, feel, create.

 

As a note, personalising the scene helps bring out the strength of feeling.

 

Have fun, and I can’t wait to see the lyrics!

 

Cheers

 

John

 

 

@Timbre @Skin @DonnaMarilyn  @McnaughtonPark  @symphonious7  @Peggy @Mahesh  @Pahchisme Plaid  @Ray888 @ALOPRODUCTIONZ

 

@Lisa Gates @snabbu @Patty Lakamp

 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

What could this be about?  The punky-dressed guy who appears to be in the forefront and the focus of this photo, is clearly one among many casually-dressed, curious onlookers, many of whom have cameras.  The unarmed side seems to have quite a relaxed and unprovoking stance and expression.  This includes the punk-dressed guy whose expressions  appear as unchallenging.

 

The armed side (shields, tazers?, face shields) appear as though they are protecting something or someone from the obviously not violent crowd or prepared to prevent them from proceeding toward whatever they are protecting.  I find this a very confusing image.  I have no idea what the context is.

 

Also, not knowing what government this is further complicates the confusion for me.  

 

It makes me think how we here in America, have a right to peaceful protest and yet history shows that there has been violent opposition from law enforcement at times when people were merely exercising their rights (consider the times when blacks and whites were advocating equal rights and access to public services as citizens regardless of color, through peaceful protest and were arrested for doing so).  

 

But I’m unfamiliar with rights in many other countries and how their systems respond, so I’m grasping straws for a context.

 

 

[Timbre]

Powerful image to work from. I had a similar picture in my head when I began writing the lyrics to Two Hearts at a Time. This challenge calls for a more sensory approach, but thought I'd share how a similar image in my head got translated into a song. It morphed beyond that initial image into addressing other forms of social division. It was one of the few times when the melody and the words came at the same time and I ended up having it produced with a male vocal. With the help of this image, I think I'm going to put myself back into V1 headspace and excavate that a bit more for this challenge. ~T

 

Two Hearts at a Time

Copyright © 2017 by Lisa C. Campbell

  

V1

Dividing lines and choosing sides

Leaves no room to change our minds

You hold a gun, I hold a sign

We’re both holding on for dear life

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

V2

If God is love, and to love is divine

Don’t let hate control our minds

Who are we to decide

That some love wrong, and some love right

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time   

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

~~Musical Bridge~~

 

V3

The common ground is open wide

With room enough to free our minds

I’ll meet you there and we will find

My pain is yours and yours is mine

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

 

 

 

[Timbre]

Interesting how we see different things when looking at same picture. To me central figure with the punk hairdo appears to be a woman! ~T

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Could be, now that I look at it after your comment.  His/her facial features could pass for either. The clothing masks the figure that would give us a good hint and the hair being shaved on the sides takes away any general softening of female features that would clue me in to whether the gender of this person is of the female or male.

 

On top of that, the view is not frontal which makes it less obvious.  Also, what may be a factor is that in my specific area, few females in relation to males shave their head or spike their hair.  Absolutely did not initially consider that person might be a female.

[Peggy]

I think i know what this pic is about...news hound... now do i take that into consideration? Maybe...

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

Im curious what it's about

[john]

6 hours ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

What could this be about?  The punky-dressed guy who appears to be in the forefront and the focus of this photo, is clearly one among many casually-dressed, curious onlookers, many of whom have cameras.  The unarmed side seems to have quite a relaxed and unprovoking stance and expression.  This includes the punk-dressed guy whose expressions  appear as unchallenging.

 

The armed side (shields, tazers?, face shields) appear as though they are protecting something or someone from the obviously not violent crowd or prepared to prevent them from proceeding toward whatever they are protecting.  I find this a very confusing image.  I have no idea what the context is.

 

Also, not knowing what government this is further complicates the confusion for me.  

 

It makes me think how we here in America, have a right to peaceful protest and yet history shows that there has been violent opposition from law enforcement at times when people were merely exercising their rights (consider the times when blacks and whites were advocating equal rights and access to public services as citizens regardless of color, through peaceful protest and were arrested for doing so).  

 

But I’m unfamiliar with rights in many other countries and how their systems respond, so I’m grasping straws for a context.

 

 

 

 

I deliberately left the location out to leave you with an uncompromised opportunity to bring your own vision into play. That includes our own experience. It instantly shifts from a possible “us” to a more definite “them”.

 

I can say if you guys would prefer

[Peggy]

I think interpretation gives better writing freedom.

[Pahchisme Plaid]

Well, this isn’t exactly the sensory-type song I think this photo was supposed to inspire.  I just couldn’t get over the casualness and calmness in the faces of the “mob” if you can call it that.  Hardly looks like a crowd that’s enough of  a threat to warrant the tasers, face masks and shields, so this is where my imagination took me.  

 

We Can’t Have That

Lyrics by Kc Chad copyright March 2018

 

Sight gazers

Keep your space

Don’t cross this line

This Wall of defense 

Your cameras are a threatening weapon

 

Curious men with flashing lenses

Every accurate record’s a threat

We can’t have that.  No, we can’t have that

 

Sight gazers

Record savers

We’ll pull your film

Destroy your photos

No close-up lenses—

Leaves deceits defenseless

 

Close perspectives, clear, nearby snaps

Political figures can’t skew the facts

We can’t have that. No we can’t have that.

 

It’s your right, 

Your right to something, 

Something to show

We’ll feed the news

But only at angles 

Agenda approved 

 

Curious men with flashing lenses

Every accurate record’s a threat

We can’t have that. No we can’t have that.

 

Ready shields, face-guards and tasers 

because flash attacks 

clearly outmatch 

defenses

against 

sight gazers.

 

We can’t have that. No, oh, oh, oh, we can’t have that.

 

Zap!

[DonnaMarilyn]

 

 

 

 

OK, a quick and very simple take. Written for (an imaginary) placement in a movie or documentary about young people protesting for various rights & freedoms.

I envisaged the young punk-looking kid to be a student.

Genre: something uptempo.

 

Something’s Gonna Happen

 

V1

I’m younger than you

And a whole lot smaller

To a kid like me

You seem so much taller

Maybe someone I might have

Looked up to once

In another kind of situation

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

V2

You’re tougher than me

And your taser shows it

But I need to speak

And the whole world knows it

Now you don’t want to hurt me

But if you must

It’ll be in today’s confrontation

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town                                      s

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

Bridge

You’ve a shield on your arm

And a gun at your waist

I’m here empty-handed 

Though not out of place

We’re eyeball to eyeball

I wish it were eye to eye

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

Outro (optional)

Because we’re human, there’s much to unite us

But fake-news and double-speak

Manage to divide us

Unlinking the hearts

That are pounding inside us

 

© 2018 Donna Devine

[Timbre]

Here's my take on the challenge pic.

 

Army of One

Copyright © 2018 by Lisa C. Campbell

 

V1

I’m an outnumbered army of one

Fear tastes bitter on my tongue

There may be no tomorrow

But rage is hard to swallow

 

Ch

So the battle is joined, the front line is drawn

If one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

I’m standing at the line

 

V2

I’m an outgunned army of one

Fear surrounds me, smells like doom

I know the chance I’m taking

A martyr in the making

 

Ch

The battle is joined, the front line is drawn

If one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

I’m standing at the line

 

Ch

The battle is joined, the front line is drawn

When one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

Come join me at the line

 

[Timbre]

On 3/30/2018 at 7:47 PM, Skin said:

Atmosphere

Taste the atmosphere

Hi, Les.

 

I like what you did with the challenge. It feels like folks don't critique as much in the challenges anymore but for me I like to get some sense of whether my submission matched the brief or if my interpretation was thought-provoking in some way, so I thought I'd weigh in. I was thinking you could tweak the lines above so they had the same drive behind them as the other verse lines. Lines 1 and 3 across the other verses used a strong 2-syllable word, followed by a 4 syllable line. Those lines are so tight and really capture the feel of the pic, using just a few words. I thought that was inspired. 

 

I like the chorus too, but it seemed almost like it was a commentary on stuff outside of the pic, while the verses "were" the pic. Just my take, but good stuff. ~T

[Timbre]

On 4/1/2018 at 11:20 AM, DonnaMarilyn said:

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Hi, Donna.

 

Love the "festering town" line. You would have some Tom Petty copyright issues with the lines above, but could tweak that to get the same idea across because that is such a strong idea that comes across in the pic. ~T

[john]

On 30/03/2018 at 3:04 PM, Timbre said:

Powerful image to work from. I had a similar picture in my head when I began writing the lyrics to Two Hearts at a Time. This challenge calls for a more sensory approach, but thought I'd share how a similar image in my head got translated into a song. It morphed beyond that initial image into addressing other forms of social division. It was one of the few times when the melody and the words came at the same time and I ended up having it produced with a male vocal. With the help of this image, I think I'm going to put myself back into V1 headspace and excavate that a bit more for this challenge. ~T

 

Two Hearts at a Time

Copyright © 2017 by Lisa C. Campbell

  

V1

Dividing lines and choosing sides

Leaves no room to change our minds

You hold a gun, I hold a sign

We’re both holding on for dear life

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

V2

If God is love, and to love is divine

Don’t let hate control our minds

Who are we to decide

That some love wrong, and some love right

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time   

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

~~Musical Bridge~~

 

V3

The common ground is open wide

With room enough to free our minds

I’ll meet you there and we will find

My pain is yours and yours is mine

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

 

 

 

 

Nice job Lisa.

 

A. couple of comments on the recording. Love the piano. That just hits the nail on the head. The vocals, I think could be improved. The singer has a good voice, but.... it is the instrument people are most critical of. The vocal sound is too hot at higher frequencies. As a production sound, it might work with some pop music, but it needs to be dialled back a bit here. It doesn’t sit too well with the rest of the track. Performance wise, I would like to see the singer start to soar before the bridge. As a result, too much of what is a powerful song is left flatter than it needs to be. The song is better than that.

 

The “t” at the end of start needs to be relaxed a bit. It isn’t musical theatre.

 

I would love to have heard an evolving chorus backing vocal from the 2nd chorus onwards.

 

Overall good write Lisa. My points are all recording and production, and I am being deliberately picky. 

 

Great songs are about detail. Even the simple ones!

[Timbre]

Hi, John.

 

I really appreciate the feedback on the production and performance elements. In production, some extra measures got added to the chorus to stretch the lyrics out a bit and better showcase the hook, but I see how that same decision also highlights the sameness of each chorus, so an evolving chorus, particularly on the "make a start" line is a great idea that would add interest and more depth to the chorus.

 

As a production newbie, that vocal sound issue escaped me. I also think my ears were overwhelmed with hearing my words and melody sung back for the first time ever. Hopefully, I'll get better at catching those issues. 

 

I'm a BIG fan of musical theatre (lately I'm having a Les Mis moment), by I take your point on the "t". Too funny! ~T

[Pahchisme Plaid]

On March 30, 2018 at 4:47 PM, Skin said:

Hi Guys

Heres a first draft, I see political but I'm not political in the least but ay! 

Rockish sounding and i will try a recording. I wrote it on way to shop lol! well i used my voice recorder to get the basics haha!

 

What Ya think?

 

Cheers

Les

PS. i added a couple of lines in blue!

Politics and Bullsh*t. 

 

V

Atmosphere

Taste the atmosphere

So thick you can cut it with a knife

Tension

Feel the tension

Something’s gonna give

Someone’s gonna lose their life

 

C

Politics and bullsh*t

They go hand in hand

Politics and bullish*t

You got to understand

Politics and bullish*t

It all sounds the same

Politics and bullsh*t

Only out for monetary gain

Politics and bullsh*t

Here we go, here we go

Here we go again

 

V

Pressure

Mounting pressure

Pretty soon it’s gonna blow it’s top

Anger

Raging anger

Nothing we can do

No it’s never gonna stop

 

C

Politics and bullsh*t

They go hand in hand

Politics and bullish*t

You got to understand

Politics and bullish*t

It all sounds the same

Politics and bullsh*t

Only out for monetary gain

Politics and bullsh*t

Here we go, here we go

Here we go again

 

B

Beat first! Questions later

Your opinion don’t mean a dam

What’s it all for it don’t matter

Not to the man!

Not to the man!

Not to the man!

 

C

Politics and bullsh*t

They go hand in hand

Politics and bullish*t

You got to understand

Politics and bullish*t

It all sounds the same

Politics and bullsh*t

Only out for monetary gain

Politics and bullsh*t

Here we go, here we go

Here we go again

 

2^nd B

I don’t believe a word they say

It's all bullsh*t to get their way

Line their pockets with the publics gold

To the Devil to the Devil

Their souls they’ve sold

 

C

Politics and bullsh*t

They go hand in hand

Politics and bullish*t

You got to understand

Politics and bullish*t

It all sounds the same

Politics and bullsh*t

Only out for monetary gain

Politics and bullsh*t

Here we go, here we go

Here we go again

 

 

Outro

Everybody has a right to say

Not everybody see’s it that way

 

Hey Les, When I saw this I had to chuckle.  I think you wrapped it up the basic thought pattern that goes through my mind when elections come approaching.  I can't find much fault in these lyrics.  I guess there is one change I "might" make (depending on the melody, if there is one already), That would be to remove the word "only".  That's it!  Minor.  

 

 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

On April 7, 2018 at 11:11 AM, Timbre said:

Here's my take on the challenge pic.

 

Army of One

Copyright © 2018 by Lisa C. Campbell

 

V1

I’m an outnumbered army of one

Fear tastes bitter on my tongue

There may be no tomorrow

But rage is hard to swallow

 

Ch

So the battle is joined, the front line is drawn

If one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

I’m standing at the line

 

V2

I’m an outgunned army of one

Fear surrounds me, smells like doom

I know the chance I’m taking

A martyr in the making

 

Ch

The battle is joined, the front line is drawn

If one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

I’m standing at the line

 

Ch

The battle is joined, the front line is drawn

When one soldier falls, will two soldier on

With freedom and truth as my weapons

I’m standing at the line

Come join me at the line

 

T, Love your choice of words and you definitely met the criteria of the sensory challenge with "fear tastes bitter on my tongue and "Fear surrounds me, smells like doom".  Your combination with the idea of "martyr in the making" makes for what's going on internally emotionally.  I don't know particularly the reason why, but I like your line, "If one soldier falls, will two soldier on".

 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

On March 30, 2018 at 7:04 AM, Timbre said:

Powerful image to work from. I had a similar picture in my head when I began writing the lyrics to Two Hearts at a Time. This challenge calls for a more sensory approach, but thought I'd share how a similar image in my head got translated into a song. It morphed beyond that initial image into addressing other forms of social division. It was one of the few times when the melody and the words came at the same time and I ended up having it produced with a male vocal. With the help of this image, I think I'm going to put myself back into V1 headspace and excavate that a bit more for this challenge. ~T

 

Two Hearts at a Time

Copyright © 2017 by Lisa C. Campbell

  

V1

Dividing lines and choosing sides

Leaves no room to change our minds

You hold a gun, I hold a sign

We’re both holding on for dear life

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

V2

If God is love, and to love is divine

Don’t let hate control our minds

Who are we to decide

That some love wrong, and some love right

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time   

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

~~Musical Bridge~~

 

V3

The common ground is open wide

With room enough to free our minds

I’ll meet you there and we will find

My pain is yours and yours is mine

 

Ch

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But you and I can make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

We can’t mend all we’ve broken

But it’s time to make a start

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

Let’s take it two hearts at a time

 

 

 

 

I did listen earlier to your sound file, but followed up just now with a reading of your lyrics.  I LOVE the sentiment in your lyrics.  A sweetness shows through in these lyrics.  They are powerful as John mentioned.  I also would like to hear a vamp up in the recording prior to the bridge.  I think these lyrics deserve a little more passion.  Your singer has a wonderful voice, just needs to change it up a bit in places and add a little passion in the mid-later part of the song.  I'd have to listen again to get more specific, but I am going to have to do that later, as I am being called away at the moment.

  

[Pahchisme Plaid]

On April 1, 2018 at 8:20 AM, DonnaMarilyn said:

 

 

 

 

OK, a quick and very simple take. Written for (an imaginary) placement in a movie or documentary about young people protesting for various rights & freedoms.

I envisaged the young punk-looking kid to be a student.

Genre: something uptempo.

 

Something’s Gonna Happen

 

V1

I’m younger than you

And a whole lot smaller

To a kid like me

You seem so much taller

Maybe someone I might have

Looked up to once

In another kind of situation

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

V2

You’re tougher than me

And your taser shows it

But I need to speak

And the whole world knows it

Now you don’t want to hurt me

But if you must

It’ll be in today’s confrontation

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town                                      s

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

Bridge

You’ve a shield on your arm

And a gun at your waist

I’m here empty-handed 

Though not out of place

We’re eyeball to eyeball

I wish it were eye to eye

 

Chorus

But I won’t. Back. Down

No, I won’t back down

Not gonna back down

Something’s gonna happen

Though it’s hard to say what

Or what chance that I’ve got

But something’s gonna happen

In this festering town

And no, I'm not gonna

Back down

 

Outro (optional)

Because we’re human, there’s much to unite us

But fake-news and double-speak

Manage to divide us

Unlinking the hearts

That are pounding inside us

 

© 2018 Donna Devine

Hi Donna, I also thought of Tom Petty's song with those three lines.   Its just a really familiar hook in a frequently played song.  Its hard not to read it and have that song going through one's head.  

However, that could change if the melody is distinctly different with different timing, instruments, feel, etc.  I say, "could".  I can't say for certain until I've heard it.  I'm supposing slightly changing the wording to mean something similar would be a safe route.  Something like "Backing down, not an option"  or whatever you come up with.  I was looking at the period between the "won't" and the "back" and it brought to mind a group clap as a percussive between those two words, maybe even between "back" and "down" and rather than sung have a men's choral speak it.  It would have a completely different feel if there was enough of a pause in between.  Just thinking out loud.

 

There are lots of songs that share similarities, but are still different.  It can be done.  It just happens that you have chosen one that's similar to a song that is popular and has a really super strong hook that plays in the mind of listeners when they read those words.