Lyrics Writing Challenge # 14: Cut Up About It

[john]

Hi Gang

 

The challenge is to write some lyrics that still manage to convey emotion and a thread of storyline inspired by recent news.

 

To write the lyrics you should use the cut-up technique.

 

Cut-up - Take a finished, totally linear text and cut it into pieces with a few or single words on each bit. An easy way being a print out for a more tactile experience, or use post-it sticky notes. The resulting bits are then rearranged into new text. Picking a suitable piece of text can take a little effort but that effort is worthwhile.

 

Now edit to improve the flow and intergrity of the lyrics, taking the output of the stage above and smoothing out the bumps into a cohesive set of lyrics. 

 

You must use the source text at the end of this post. I wrote it at the weekend solely for use in this challenge.

 

The source text is a bit morbid, but you don't need to use the emotion of the source text, or the subject.

 

Cut up is ideal for creating abstract lyrics (I suggest picking a metaphor or allegory base on an element of the source text and go from there), but it can also be used for conventional lyrics.

 

In many ways this is simply fuel for your imaginations, but it can also encourage you to use vocabulary and phrasing out with your norm and to express something using creative use of imagery originally purposes for something else.

 

To recap:

 

1. Use a storyline
2. Written with cut-up technique n the source text
3. Has to be emotive
4. Has to be inspired by a newsworthy story

 

This does not need to be a long exercise. Far from it, however you will likely find it takes a little longer if it is your first ever cut-up.

 

In every case I have seen writers try this they have been pleasantly surprised with the results. This  is all about challenges, so please try this.

 

I hope you enjoy both the journey and the destination!

 

Cheers

 

John

 

SOURCE TEXT

 

The tombstones beckoned, smiling like old, irregular, life-stained teeth. Moss glistened, wet, verdant, and rusted on the surfaces. The chiselled inscriptions further obscured by a smear of rain. The constant drip, dripping formed a soft chorus of voices that whispered in my ear. The rain insistant. Incessant. Centuries of tears for those left to rot in the ground, betraying the harsh reality of those who were always here. Interred for eternity.

 

A murder of crows sat, black and iridescent, a mocking horde atop the gravestones, silent in their judgement. Waiting.

 

A crowd of friends and family stood at the graveside looking down towards the ground. Heads dipped. Eyes averted.

 

Encased in a cocoon of oak and silk, her body lay upon the cold earth. The dark maw of her grave gaped, ready, hungry, eager to consume my love. I couldn't imagine leaving her alone in this place. Cold. Dark. Afraid. She would feel none of it.

 

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. My conscience weighing heavily upon my soul. I would always question: had we made the right choices?

 

My love was always joyous and full of life. The light within her would shine, illuminating all. With an inquiring intelligence, sharpened by a razor wit. Her beauty unfettered, unencumbered by fashionable dogma. She was a breath of fresh air, and she reaped the whirlwind.

 

Yet, now the air was still. Everything seemed gray and diminished. The world was crying, but no amount of tears would fill the hole that my love had left. A ragged rip in my reality.

 

I could feel a scream, deep within me. Rising. Racing to the surface. Wanting to burst upon the world, to announce my hidden pain to all. The thought of the looks of horror upon the gathered faces was momentarily and unexpectedly humorous before becoming predictably dismaying. The judgement of the crows, too much for my fragile self. So I choked it back. I pushed it deep, deeper, deepest. "Be still", the voices whispered.

 

I could see her family huddled. I would become an outsider once more. Her father's pale, tortured face. Her mother gaunt and lost. They would not look me in the eye. No one would.

 

I could see the priest's mouth moving, the occasional word piercing the veil around me, popping and crackling in muted tones. I could make no sense of it. Truthfully, it meant nothing. The man did not know her. It was just noise. The softness of his voice, meant to project sympathy and respect, fell upon my ears as irritatingly artificial, affected and insulting.

 

I vaguely noticed her being lowered into the pit. A handful of moist soil tossed into the maw. For many hours afterwards I knew I would feel that cold moisture molding to my palm. I felt certain that I would now smell the loam of her earthen bed until my dying day.

 

She had a fear of being buried alive. Once upon a time we had laughed nervously and with dread at the prospect. Now the gravity of such a possibility caused such anxiety. The one part of today's proceedings I had insisted on was a small brass bell to be connected by wire to her hand within her coffin.

 

People drifted away, some casting uncertain glances. Pity, anger, rejection, sympathy. I stared numbly at the grave, ignoring them all. I watched the gravediggers come and fill the hole. They were silent throughout. Not one word said as I stared.

 

The bell hung. Intimidating. I was transfixed. Standing post with grim foreboding. I would be haunted by this. Waiting for a soft tinkle sound, filled with both dread and hope. Could I ever wait long enough? What if it rang a minute after I had left?

 

The sky darkened. The crows sat. The rain fell. I stood.

 

She lay.

 

© John Moxey 2018

 

 

@Timbre @Skin @DonnaMarilyn  @McnaughtonPark  @symphonious7  @Peggy @Mahesh  @Pahchisme Plaid  @Ray888 @ALOPRODUCTIONZ

 

@Lisa Gates @snabbu @Patty Lakamp

 

[DonnaMarilyn]

Interesting one, John.  Just for clarity: We're to use any self-chosen storyline from recent news; but for the actual words/phrases in our lyric, we're only to use cut-up pieces of the text you provided?

 

(Nice writing, by the way.  )

[john]

Exactly that Donna

 

Thanks for your compliment!

[Patty Lakamp]

1 hour ago, john said:

Now edit to improve the flow and intergrity of the lyrics, taking the output of the stage above and smoothing out the bumps into a cohesive set of lyrics. 

Hi, John,

 

This sounds kinda fun.  And intimidating!  I'm not clear on the part about how much "editing" we can do as we piece this together.  For example, can we add whole sentences/lines of our own to make it flow? Can, say, only 50% of the new lyric be words from the original text? or more like 99%?

 

Thanks,

 

Patty

[Pahchisme Plaid]

@john Wow! You got all that from a cut up? What was your source?  

 

I may have to start anew, my cut up strips got knocked over and strewn about, so...yeah...

 

Id like to try again.  Love yours!  Totally emotive and fantastic word pictures.  Now I want to hear you sing it!

[john]

1 hour ago, Patty Lakamp said:

Hi, John,

 

This sounds kinda fun.  And intimidating!  I'm not clear on the part about how much "editing" we can do as we piece this together.  For example, can we add whole sentences/lines of our own to make it flow? Can, say, only 50% of the new lyric be words from the original text? or more like 99%?

 

Thanks,

 

Patty

 

 

Ideally it should be mainly from the text. You  can use words and phrases. You can add glue words like the, and, it, he, she. In the end if you absolutely need something to make your lyrics work that can come in later in the process. The idea is as a creative exercise and to get you thinking beyond literal meaning. I won't use something from the lyrics because I want to leave the interpretation and use of that up to you.... but as an example you could literally say "and it died" or "It dissolved and returned to dust", or "I can't stop thinking about you" could be "I'm a strung out addict, drinking you like cold beer on a hot day".

 

Cut up is great for making you find interesting ways to say things, using words and phrases you wouldn't normally use.

 

If you find yourself adding too much, it may make a wonderful lyric at the end of the day, but it doesn't force you to think.

 

My experience is that it can produce some wonderfully out there lyrics... still emotive, but often very roomy works with a lot of possible interpretations.

 

Cut up can of course be used to add touches or entire works. For the exercise I would say try to stay as much as possible to the source text because that will make you work. You can always do a respin.

[john]

1 hour ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

@john Wow! You got all that from a cut up? What was your source?  

 

I may have to start anew, my cut up strips got knocked over and strewn about, so...yeah...

 

Id like to try again.  Love yours!  Totally emotive and fantastic word pictures.  Now I want to hear you sing it!

 

 

Hi Kelly

 

Ooops sorry, you misunderstand. I wrote it from off the top of my head in 20-30 minutes on Saturday or Sunday, just for this challenge... to act as YOUR source text.

 

Feel free to have your own story line, your own metaphors and allegories and simillies... as long as they draw from this text.

 

I'm glad you like it

 

It's a bit too "prose" for singing, for me, but hey Prog Rock here I come!....

 

Cheers

 

John

[Patty Lakamp]

I will give it a try, but can't promise I'll end up with anything post-able.  Thanks!

 

[john]

15 minutes ago, Patty Lakamp said:

I will give it a try, but can't promise I'll end up with anything post-able.  Thanks!

 

 

That's all I can ask for. It is meant to be a challenge after all. You might be pleasantly surprised

[Peggy]

I still have my challenge #13 dangling, yikes, but going to give it a try. Something about working under pressure .....

 

Have fun everyone!!

[DonnaMarilyn]

I agree, Skin. Not as easy as it sounds.  So far, I've found no news story (i.e. of interest to me) that would 'match' the bulk of the source words, either in tone or in content. I do like creating lyrics from 'word clouds', though, so if it comes to the crunch in terms of time, I might use a side-door entrance, so to speak, and write a lyric simply using words/phrases from the source text (but of course having a different theme).

 

But I'll give it one more shot today, and will spend half an hour or so trying to find a news story I can use.

[john]

31 minutes ago, DonnaMarilyn said:

I agree, Skin. Not as easy as it sounds.  So far, I've found no news story (i.e. of interest to me) that would 'match' the bulk of the source words, either in tone or in content. I do like creating lyrics from 'word clouds', though, so if it comes to the crunch in terms of time, I might use a side-door entrance, so to speak, and write a lyric simply using words/phrased from the source text (but of course having a different theme).

 

But I'll give it one more shot today, and will spend half an hour or so trying to find a news story I can use.

 

I think that a fair approach Donna. The creative challenge is the important part. I had hoped news items would have provided sufficient stories but the theme source is the less important part so please don’t torture yourself too much trying to find something

[DonnaMarilyn]

Well, so far I've got three different 8-line choruses but no verses for them to support, let alone bridges.  Not to worry. The day is still young.

 

However, at some stage - and in order to concoct some kind of cohesive story(ies) in the verses - I might test your good will even further, John, and use a few words/phrases of my own in tandem with those from the source text. 

 

But you can be sure I'm toeing the challenge's 'creative' line.  

[Pahchisme Plaid]

21 hours ago, john said:

 

 

Hi Kelly

 

Ooops sorry, you misunderstand. I wrote it from off the top of my head in 20-30 minutes on Saturday or Sunday, just for this challenge... to act as YOUR source text.

 

Feel free to have your own story line, your own metaphors and allegories and simillies... as long as they draw from this text.

 

I'm glad you like it

 

It's a bit too "prose" for singing, for me, but hey Prog Rock here I come!....

 

Cheers

 

John

Hah! Leave it to me to misunderstand.  Loving the writing and all, I was wondering how you were gonna pull that off!  Seemed awfully long and wordy to sing, but interesting!  I’ve seen musicians do some amazing things.  Just thought maybe this was one of em. Lol!  I should have aid closer attention. Serves me right for zipping in and out.  

 

 

[Timbre]

I participated in the last cut-up technique challenge and became a true believer in this approach. Last time we chose our own story and text, so it will be interesting for all of us to be working from the same text. 

 

John--beautiful prose, but I could have done with out reading the Edgar Allan Poe-ish text right before bedtime. If I wake up hearing bells . . . ~T

[DonnaMarilyn]

Here are three. O.M.G. This is addictive!  However, I took poetic licence in each, using words/phrases from outside the source text.

 

As a contrast to the bleak Poe mood of #1, I tried for something a little more light-hearted in #2. Though 'dark', #3 is meant to be a little tongue-in-cheek and 'bouncy'.

 

An excellent exercise, John.  I’ll definitely be salvaging at least a handful of lines from each piece to use later in a 'proper' lyric.

 

# 1 

Genre: Rock? Metal?

Male or female vocals

Chorus & bridge: 100% source text

Verses & pre-chorus: ca. 65% source text

 

Eternity

V1

A murder of crows

Has convened to alarm me

I wonder how long it will be

Till they harm me

I stare and I stare

But they won’t go away

And the dreams that they bring

Make me wish I could pray

 

Pre-chorus

Hope is long gone

I lie down in dread

It’s as if I am dead

 

Chorus

Frail and crying, once more I see

The crackling pit of eternity

Where I stand in the cold

On the wet, verdant grass

Waiting till judgement is passed    

 

V2

I don’t want to feel

That a spirit’s forever

I long for the darkness, the promise

Of never

I can’t help but hope

That perhaps there’s a hole

Into which I might vanish

Just me and my soul                  

 

Pre-chorus

Hope is long gone

I lie down in dread

It’s as if I am dead

 

Chorus

Frail and crying, once more I see

The crackling pit of eternity

Where I stand in the cold

On the wet, verdant grass

Waiting till judgement is passed  

 

Bridge

But one night I slept deeply

And awoke feeling free

Those fell crows had flown

…For I’d noticed, though vaguely

A small ragged rip in eternity

 

Chorus

No more crying, I no longer see

The crackling pit of eternity

Where I stood in the cold

On the wet, verdant grass

Waiting till judgement was passed   

 

© 2018 Donna Devine

--------------------------------------- 

# 2

All sections are based on the source-text but with additions.

Genre: Pop? Rock ballad? Singer-songwriter?

Male vocals

All sections total: ca. 60% source text

 

Like Water for Thirst

V1

My love was always deep within me

But I pushed it deeper

Then deepest

I couldn’t imagine a woman for me

So I made any mountain

The steepest

 

Pre-chorus

Then popping and crackling

She shimmered around

So keen to delight and astound

 

Chorus

She was a whirlwind

Encased in a cocoon

Wanting to burst

Wanting to burst

And I stood and I watched

From the back of the room

And her smile was like water

For thirst

 

V2

Her love was always deep within her

And she proved it harder

Then hardest

She couldn’t imagine my life without her

So she made sure I travelled

The farthest

 

Pre-chorus

And popping and crackling

She shimmered around

So keen to delight and astound

 

Chorus

She was a whirlwind

Encased in a cocoon

Wanting to burst

Wanting to burst

And I stood and I watched

From the back of the room

And her smile was like water

For thirst

 

Bridge

Unabating,  illuminating,

The light within her grew

Some wondered at her iridescence

But it was only I who knew

 

Chorus

She was a whirlwind

Encased in a cocoon

Wanting to burst

Wanting to burst

And I stood and I watched

From the back of the room

And her smile was like water

For thirst

 

© 2018 Donna Devine

-------------------- 

# 3

Genre: something uptempo

Male or female vocals

V1: 99.9% source text; other sections total ca. 75% source text

 

Isn’t That How Life Goes

 

V1

Once I was joyous

And so full of life

A breath of fresh air

In the dark angry world

But now I’m becoming

A grey, haunted wraith

Alone, gaunt and lost

With a pale tortured face

 

Chorus

But hey-hidey-ho

Isn't that how life goes

Here lies my body

Down deep in the ground

Nothing around

But gravestones and grass

And a murder of crows

But hey-hidey-ho

...Isn’t that just how life goes

 

V2

Once I was moving

And everything seemed

To fall into place

Like a handful of dice

But now I’m a spectre

And nothing is left

And I wonder if

Anyone’s truly bereft

 

Chorus

But hey-hidey-ho

Isn't that how life goes

Here lies my body

Down deep in the ground

Nothing around

But gravestones and grass

And a murder of crows

But hey-hidey-ho

...Isn’t that just how life goes

 

Bridge

The priest and his mouth

Dripped fashionable dogma

But it was just noise

Though peppered with wit

But it did in my head

And now, even dead

I still could make no sense of it

 

Chorus

But hey-hidey-ho

Isn't that how life goes

Here lies my body

Down deep in the ground

Nothing around

But gravestones and grass

And a murder of crows

But hey-hidey-ho

...Isn’t that just how life goes

 

Ah yes, isn’t that how life goes

 

© 2018 Donna Devine

 

[Pahchisme Plaid]

I hope I did this correctly.  Its a bit long.  

 

Judgment Of The Crows
Lyrics by Kc Chad ©2018 cut up

 

Black breath, rising dread
Gray, gaunt face from the pit
Sky darkened sheet heavily weighing
grim foreboding, it rang still
I stared... not one word... transfixed

 

Silence fell upon my ears
chiselled horror hung black in the air
What muted reality
A soft tinkle sound, whispered
Popping... cracking steel twist

 

The judgement of the crows

 

A smear of terror hits
I could feel the scream within me
gravity of such possiblity
too much for my fragile self
...So momentarily lost

Irregular, life-stained teeth
concrete connected by wire
Grave-gaped eager to consume
 in glass cocoon encased
Unencumbered whirlwind

 

Judgement of the crows

 

Unencumbered whirlwind
Soot rising racing to the surface
weighing heavily black
Wanting to burst upon hope
Tears to fill the hole

 

Uncertain glances
tortured voices being lowered to their grave
ground-betraying coffin
Choked back screams from tombstones beckoned
Constant dripping formed

 

Judgement of the crows

 

For many hours after
the dark maw whispered at the grave
Dread casting centuries of tears
Horror pushed it deeper
Rusted, haunted...obscured

 

Graveside looking down
a soft chorus of voices...diminished, gray
buried alive, burst upon
gathered faces, hidden pain
That's their judgement, as it goes

 

Judgement of the crows

 

shifted weight, reality harsh

uncomfortable eyes, dipped, averted
watching the priest's mouth moving
loved ones' judgement choked back, 
sharpened razor rusted

 

A handful of new loam

The brass bell fell upon my ears
chiselled names glisten new
Interred for eternity
Yet now none would feel it.

 

Judgement, Judgement upon the crows.

[Patty Lakamp]

I am so impressed with all of you!  This is hard!  
Here is mine.  I cheated on the Title. The rest is all in the source text somewhere.  Really fun. Thanks!

 

 

 

She Missed the Putt

V1

The crowd was silent

No voices whispered

Faces gathered round

Eyes looking down

On the verdant ground

 

V2

Waiting, she choked

Pale looks of horror

Now the gravity

Caused such anxiety

Mocking her reality

 

Refrain

She wanted to burst upon the world

But now, her body lay on the cold earth

She would feel none of it

 

V3

I could see her family huddled

Those who were always here

Today’s proceedings

A silent screaming

Eyes averted, crying

 

 

 

[john]

Well done all. You seem to have enjoyed it as an exercise. It can be quite an illuminating experience, though more so with the first experience working with a source text that fires you up, and an emphasis on writing using metaphors, similes and allegories, in conjunction with abstract poerspective. It’s illuminating because it allows us to step from generally more conventional literal writing, where we use ideas and images originating within our own thought processes, and instead move to thinking abstractly, expressing ideas and concepts and emotions using a pallette devised by someone else.

 

Even if it does not convert you to a more general abstract writing platform, abstract lines can be very effective within a literal construct. Like a splash of vivid colour in a monochrome print.

 

Cut Up can produce some awesome and ear catching lyrics, but as a method to help literal writers explore the sideways step of abstraction as a tool, I find it priceless.

 

I enjoyed writing the source text, and it allowed for no copyright issues... next time I will use different types of imagery and write about twice the length 

[Patty Lakamp]

Yeah, I just circled words and phrases that sounded intriguing and then tried to put them together.  It was fun.  

 

Thanks, John!

 

Patty