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I'm Sorry.
I tried to help you, but I couldn't.
A feeling inside, is just a torment.
Makes me sick inside, with some guilt.
A guilt of how I let you die.


It's a hard feeling, trust me I know.
Last thing you want, is your mind telling you to go.
Your mind takes control, and grabs a knife.
Against your will, as you cut, you're crying inside.


Your life flashes, right before you eyes.
Your eyes get filled, with tears from inside.
Voices in your head, telling you all these lies.
Blocking out the trueness, of your family's lives.


All you wanted was to, was to end the pain.
And now you're lifeless, you're not the same.
What happened to that girl, that I used to know?
So reckless, so happy.
Where'd she go?


You told me one final thing, it was only three words.
Three words, I knew, would never feel so hurt.
You told me you loved me, with a final goodbye.
I sat there, for hours, curled up to cry.


I went to the funeral, hopeless and hurt.
Went to your coffin, feeling desert.
All alone, I yelled, "Why'd you do this!"
"You had so much to live for, so why would you do this!"


I placed my head down, bursting out into tears.
Feeling sick with guilt, this is the one thing I fear.
I couldn't feel more hopeless, more useless before.
The fact I couldn't help you, was a feeling of sore.
I completely felt to blame, because you were my support.


You were always there to help me, in my hardest times.
For 6 long years, you never left my side.
And now I'm in debt to you, because I couldn't return.
Why'd you have to do this, why'd you leave with hurt.


I'm Sorry.
I tried to help you, but I couldn't.
A feeling inside, is just a torment.
Makes me sick inside, with some guilt.
A guilt of how I let you die.


I'm sorry.
I really am.
Rest easy, brother.
I'll see you again.

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  • 4 years later...

The rhyming is a little forced. The subject, is a tough one. It needs to be said, to help with the loss and the aftermath of the tragic event itself. This is where, leaning on familiar ideas, expressions, and imagery can lead to making it seem like a ripple of a pebble in the sea of similar themed writes as compared to a mountain crashing into waves. I think if you experimented with poetic forms it could really take this write in new directions an reinforce your feelings and reaction to the event and how it changed everything. It’s a great start so far.

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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...

The rhyming feels somewhat contrived, while the subject matter remains challenging. It is essential to address it in order to aid in the healing process and cope with the aftermath of this tragic event. However, relying solely on familiar ideas, expressions, and imagery might cause it to blend in with countless other works of a similar theme, akin to a small pebble causing a mere ripple in the vast ocean, rather than a crashing mountain in the midst of tumultuous waves. I believe that by experimenting with different poetic forms, you could truly steer this composition in fresh and profound directions, effectively capturing your emotions and reflecting on how this event has reshaped everything. It is an impressive beginning, and with further exploration, it can reach even greater heights.



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