Blue

[onedaypigswillfly]

The night is dark and silent

The thoughts come rolling in

And hour after hour

I wonder where you've been

If you ever think of me

In this deep dark night?

As when the moon above us shines

It's possible that you might

At one point we were one

So long ago it seems a crime

But our bond is of a love

One that will outlast time

If I ever saw you again

I'd ask how you've been keeping?

All I'd need is just one look

Our time all too fleeting

To say that I don't miss you

Would be an outright lie

Without you I am lost

I'm barely getting by

I wonder where you are

When we're so far apart

You're already gone

But never from my heart

I can't ever let it out

Or the sadness will grow

So until we meet again

It's best you don't know

So it's at night in the darkness

Where I think of you

And the night isn't black

But a dark shade of blue

[MrMontoro]

I love this! Full of some beautiful lines. I especially love how you "bookend" the poem by starting and ending with the night.

"I can't ever let it out

Or the sadness will grow

So until we meet again

It's best you don't know"

I'm not sure what "it" is that you can't let out. Is it that entity of her that you hold in your heart (like you discuss in the previous stanza)? Is it the frustrations you have concerning her absence? Is it your thoughts about her? This is the ONLY queary I have about this poem.

Other than that, great piece! Keep writing!

[onedaypigswillfly]

Thank you very much! The "it" I referred to was the sadness that accompanies her loss. I hope that cleared it up for you

[purevintage]

"And the night isn't black
But a dark shade of blue "

Really like that line, it's a great ending. I think this would make a good song!

[tomcollins]

this is nice and I agree with a wee bit of a rewrite would make a great song !!!! one worth doing !!! rock on !!!

[Matt Kerridge]

I agree with all of the above comments, I think it is really meaningful and there are signs of excellence. 

 

Regards,

 

Matthew